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Ethical Slut
Book by
Celestial Arts
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Rating
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Overview
Product summary and comments
by
Summary:
The Ethical Slut begins with the premise that being a slut can be defined in many ways and brings an abundance of love and relationships into your life to help you meet all of your needs. It then recognizes that this must be done ethically, responsibly and will take hard work.
Best use:
Catalog ID: ENT389
UPC: 9781587613371
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About author
- Author:
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Dossie Easton / Janet W. Hardey
- –Dragon's opinion
- Dossie Easton has worked with Janet Hardy for many years. Janet used the name Catherine Liszt when her children were minors. They have been co-authors, friends and lovers and have developed a seamless writing style together. Dossie is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the San Francisco area and active in many diverse sexual communities. I've had the opportunity to met her personally. She's relaxed, full of stories and has an emphasis on accepting your emotions. Janet has lived some of her life hidden from public view and you can really only learn more about her by reading through their books!
Having read at least three of their books now, they all include bits and pieces of the authors lives and stories in a relevant way. For example, in the Ethical Slut, Dossie refers to her personal commitment to never again live with monogamy in her life and the different effects that has sometimes had.
Here's a picture of a smiling Dossie, much as she looks now! (Taken from her website.)
Together they have written the following books:
The New Bottoming book (and an original version)
The New Topping book (and an original version)
Radical Ecstasy: SM Journeys to Transcendence
When Someone you Love is Kinky
Philosophy in the Dungeon: The Magic of Sex & Spirit (Dossie Easton and Jack Rinella)
Getting Good at Bbeing bad
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Content / Style / Audience
- Publisher:
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Celestial Arts
- Publication date:
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2009 year
- ISBN:
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978-1587613371
- –Dragon's opinion
- What's a slut? Well... Everything sexual that "somebody" wouldn't approve of. Being a slut is typically defined as someone that has sex with "too many" people or outside of the bounds of "approved" relationships.
Dossie and Janet state that in most of the world it is considered a offensive and often refers to "a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate and shameful." They believe that a slut can be "openly loving, intimate, and sexual with many people is not only possible but can be more rewarding than they ever imagined." In their eyes, "ethical" means taking care of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the people that are involved or may be affected by such activities. Their goal in writing this book is to explore the myths and realities that are involved with non-traditional relationships including sexual and non - sexual relationships. They provide examples of communities that have different relationship norms and provide warnings of sex negativity and legal consequences. All of this in the introduction chapters!
One chapter discusses the "Infinite possibilities" of sexuality and relationship styles. There is respect given to those that are asexual or celibate, platonic friendships, friendly sex, and singles. The various forms of partnerships include couples, serial monogamy, and non-consensual nonmonogamy (cheating.) Other arrangements include relationship styles that are "more than two", "circles and tribes"
Part 2 is called "The Practice of Sluthood" (Eden has pictures of the table of contents, to provide detail more detail of how the book is arranged.) This begins with a chapter called "Abundance" and the lines, "Many traditional attitudes about sexuality are based on the unspoken belief that there isn't enough of something - love, sex friendship, commitment - to go around. If you believe this... it's very important to stake your claim to your limited share of it." It goes on to discuss that you can in fact care or even love more than one person and they in return. You might have to deal with real world limits like time, space and finances! Owning your own feelings, setting boundaries both on feelings and relationships, flirting, are all given substantial and knowledgeable discussion. There is an entire chapter on keeping safe sex and one on child rearing.
Part 3 - Navigating Challenges.
When you move beyond the traditional relationship, jealousy can easily be one of the strongest and most difficult emotions. Jealousy may be fear, grief, anger or insecurity among other feelings. It can be slowly accepted, unlearned, disempowered, and partners can provide needed reassurance. There will be conflict in any relationship. Learning to fight in ways that are not destructive is important. My favorite exercise here is the "Gibberish fight" to release feelings and emotions before real communication begins. Another important concept is "emotional triggering" and how to back away from a flight or fight response that may be triggered. "Making Agreements" and "Opening up an existing relationship" have individual chapters.
Part 4 - Sluts in Love
This section is devoted to information about how to connect with other people depending on your personal position in life, The possibilities of group sex, public sex, orgies, etc. There is an entire section on the Ebb and Flow of Relationships and how relationships can end peacefully not painfully.
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Design
- Format:
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Paperback
- Number of Pages:
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295
- Length:
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9"
- Width:
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6"
- –Dragon's opinion
- I once read that the because of the American population books that were trying to convey information should be written at approximately a fourth grade reading level. This is not a college textbook. It is easy to read, but it is dense and there is substantial amounts of thought provoking and intelligent material in this book. Real words, real concepts, and real language. Easy to read and definitely above the fourth grade reading level! ("Many people believe that sexual territoriality is a natural part of individual and social evolution. If you believe that, it's easy to use jealousy as a justification to go berserk and stop being a sane, responsible, and ethical human being." (I read books very quickly. If this was 170 pages of erotica it would have been finished several weeks earlier and I was reading it often.)
As a standard, oversized paperback - the book is easy to hold. The colors are black and orange though, and "SLUT" stands out in very large letters on the front. You can't miss it at over an inch high. "Slut" is also in orange and larger font on the back cover twice. This is not an easy book to be discreet with, and I recommend a book cover if needed.
Paperbacks have a fairly standard method of binding that has been known for a long time. I've actually had substantially problems with the glue in this book holding up, but I'm not sure that it's the book itself. We've had some very hot weather and I had the glue in another binding break as well recently.
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Personal comments
- –Dragon's opinion
- Dossie is a marriage and family therapist. Although written from a particular point of view - sexuality and sluts, this book has at it's core substantial information that can help any relationship. There are sections on communication, managing hard emotions, setting boundaries or how relationships change that apply to ANY monogamous relationship or individual that wants to understand more about relationships and sexuality.
Part 3- Navigating Challenges has so much depth to it that unless I rewrote the text, it's difficult to feel that a review can really do it justice. I showed this book to a friend, and we agreed on one thing. It's a book that you read and "digest" and then read a bit more, not just read and forget.
At this point in my life, I find the book incredibly valuable for all of the information that is not related to being a "slut."
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Experience
- –Dragon's opinion
- I've also read and written a review of Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. This books focus on different areas and are extremely compatible if purchased together. In brief, Opening Up was based on factual research and interviews. It describes and explains different styles of an open relationship and the issues that you might want to specifically address.
The Ethical Slut was developed out of the personal and professional backgrounds of the authors. You may only get a brief description of what "polyfidelity" means but you will get a lot more detail about managing conflict, working through jealousy, and developing agreements.
I found that I was thinking about my personal relationship, sex, and open relationships from a different perspective every time that I read a bit more.
Reviews(36)
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Reviewer, rank
4.8/10
If you are interested in learning more about poly, I would say this is your book. It is written by two well practiced individuals that write so harmoniously you'll devour the book just because it reads so well. This book changed my life for the better, and even if you're not poly (everybody is wired differently, there is no right or wrong way), this book can be helpful and at least informational.
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Writer, rank
8.9/10
This isn't a manual on how to have an open relationship, but the authors offer their decades of experience to help guide the reader to having the conversations necessary to have a healthy open relationship. They discuss open relationships in many forms which can be useful to helping one start designing their own unique model.
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Writer, rank
5.7/10
This book is great! Reading it as a group helped all the members of my triad understand more about how we feel the way we feel and why we feel the way we feel. A great guide for polyamory and open relationships in the 21st century and beyond!
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Writer, rank
5.2/10
A wonderful "self help" type read for anyone, and I do mean anyone. I really do believe that anyone could benefit from reading "The Ethical Slut".
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Advanced reviewer, rank
5.9/10
What does it take to be a successful poly or open relationships person? Do you have what it takes? This book attempts to show you the way. The main important keys of success are well described...but at the price of the author's cheer leading tone that monogamy is just old fashion. A Slut's Guide to Polyamory! Is this book a Bible or a Weapon?
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Reviewer, rank
4.8/10
This book is a must-read for anyone exploring the topic - sex professionals, soccer moms, and queer punks alike. Everyone can take away something from the book. It will expand ones thinking.
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Advanced reviewer, rank
4.7/10
If you have to read only one book about open relationships, read this one. If you are in an open relationship, go ahead and read it, you won't regret it. And if you already have read it, don't forget to reread it now and then.
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Writer, rank
5.2/10
I truely believe this book must be valuable to those who are already familiar with the poly life. However, for those who are just opening themselves up to the topic, it can be incredibly abrasive and condescending. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who is not already fairly secure in their choices, as well as knowledgeable about the various sex, gender, and relationship terms used.
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