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Ask Yourself This

by David Levinson
March 10, 2006
Ask Yourself This
Do you feel differently now that you've bid a fond (or not-so-fond) farewell to last year? Was it a good year, bad, somewhere in-between? Did you change what needed to be changed, make amends where you needed to make amends, open up or close off in unexpected ways? Did you say I love you more often than not - and mean it? Did you enjoy sex with him? Did you appreciate the tiniest gestures, the finger along the ear, the sound of his voice, the smell of her after a shower? Will you remember to be nicer, kinder, and gentler with yourself? Do you wish you'd taken a different road? Do you wonder how you got here? Did you want to have kids? Have you had them yet? Do you feel more alone than you did last week? Less? Do you still miss the love of your life, even after two years apart? Will you call him up this afternoon? Will you meet at your favorite spot or will you recommend a new place? Are you a courageous person? Will you try to be this year? If you run into love this week, next week or next month, will you say hello? Will you be able to recognize him? What did her face look like after you told her you were leaving? How do you forget someone? How big does the box have to be to keep your heart safe? What are its dimensions and what is it made out of? Is it heavy or light and does it come with air holes just in case? Did you sleep better or worse before? Are you depressed about something you can't name? Does the pain of losing the love of your life ever go away? When you say her name, how does it sit on your tongue? If you write it down, does your hand still shake? Do you remember all the mistakes you made? If you could undo one of them, what would it be? Are you a better person for having loved? Worse? If time really does heal all wounds, why does it have to leave such a nasty scar behind? Do you have scars? If so, where? Do you remember lying in bed with him and asking, How did you get that? How did you feel when he told you that no one had ever noticed it before? Do you remember the first day you met? Did you ever think you'd get him? How many tears will you cry in his absence? Why does falling in love always make us feel young and the end of love always feel old? If you were really meant to be together, why don't you talk anymore? Where do you go after the best sex of your life? Are you the kind of person who bottles his feelings or pours them out, like maple syrup? Can you ever get back what you never had? Will you ever be happy knowing she's still out there? Ask yourself, When was the last time I let someone in? Do you frighten easily? Not easily enough? Do you rush headlong into the breech? Did you take enough risks with your heart? The last time you saw him, what did you say? Did you ever bring her flowers? Did you ever massage his feet? Did you make realistic resolutions and can you stick to them? If he's out there and you're in here, then how will you meet each other? If you have doubts now, what about in the morning? Do you like sex with the lights on or off? Do you like to cuddle? Do you watch her sleep? Have you ever fallen in love with the idea of love? Do you kiss with your tongue? Does his smell drive you crazy? Have you stopped comparing yet? How long before it happens again? Do you want him back? How much sex will you have before you realize you can't replace him? How many times will you have to be told, This too shall pass, before you actually believe it?
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Author:David Levinson
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"David Levinson is a young writer who has mastered all the elements that make up a classically structured short story: drama, suspense, humor, empathy. There are no fancy pyrotechnics or meta-fictional devices here. He's a neo-traditionalist so the stories are direct, emotional and compulsively readable, plus there's enough mystery and action in them to propel at least a dozen novels."<br>Bret Easton Ellis