BDSM as therapy?

The New Intimacy

BDSM as therapy?

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: AmethystQueen AmethystQueen
Do you use BDSM as therapy? My hubby does a certain thing when we're together sometimes and it really hurts me emotionally. Even after I've said not to do that again and told him what he could do instead (repeatedly), he still does it occasionally. I'm thinking, if I see it as a Dom behavior in bed, the act is tolerable and even appreciated from me. I just can't seem to take it emotionally if he does it when NOT role-playing in our bedroom.

So, is that a sticky topic or does that cross a line or something? I see it as using BDSM as my form of therapy. I figure if I put the action in a certain box or perspective, I can definitely handle the action better.
03/23/2013
  • Save Extra 50% On Sexobot Attachment
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Save 70% On Selected Items. Limited Quantity
  • Complete strap-on set for extra 15% off
  • Save 50% On Shower Nozzle With Enema Set
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: libbyv libbyv
Quote:
Originally posted by AmethystQueen
Do you use BDSM as therapy? My hubby does a certain thing when we're together sometimes and it really hurts me emotionally. Even after I've said not to do that again and told him what he could do instead (repeatedly), he still does it ... more
not for me
03/23/2013
Contributor: Gdom Gdom
I've certainly heard of BDSM working effectively as therapy in a variety of ways. That said, there's no guarantee that your negative feels about this behavior will necessarily disappear just by seeing the same behavior in a BDSM context (even if you happen to enjoy it in the BDSM context). So, for instance, my partner might like when I slap her face during a scene, but that positive association in that particular context doesn't mean that she'd ever like it if I slapped her outside of a scene; she might very well love the activity in the context of a consensual, sexual BDSM scene and still find it disrespectful and hurtful outside of BDSM, because it lacks the crucial elements of context and consent. On the other side of things, I've found that playful name-calling in-scene--"slut," "bitch," and so on--has largely desensitized my partner to that sort of language out-of-scene, but only when it's still "playful"; I'm certain that angrily calling her a bitch would hurt her feelings no matter how many times she's enjoyed having that same word used when the intent was to turn her on or joke with her. Basically, it's impossible for positive in-scene associations to translate to out-of-scene contexts but it's certainly not going to work or make sense 100% of the time.

Really, the ideal scenario is for your husband not to do whatever it is in the first place so that you're not in the position of trying to figure out a way to cope with it. Whatever it is, though, it sounds as if you've communicated your opposition perfectly clearly, so it sounds like the ball's in his court on that one.
03/25/2013