BDSM Virgin

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BDSM Virgin

Miss Nessa Miss Nessa
I enjoy the idea of being tied down, and forced to do things.
i feel like bringout the whips and chains,and try your hardest to make me scream. I have 3 Questions.

1. How can i get my boyfriend more into the idea of doing this? He likes it but hes worried someone would get hurt.

2. How can i make it as safe possible, without cutting down on the fun. being we both are new to this i wouldnt want anything to go wrong.

3. What are the best BDSM toys for BDSM virgins?

I'm thankful for all thoughts and inputs!!
05/09/2011
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Darkness Withinus Darkness Withinus
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Nessa
I enjoy the idea of being tied down, and forced to do things.
i feel like bringout the whips and chains,and try your hardest to make me scream. I have 3 Questions.

1. How can i get my boyfriend more into the idea of doing this? He likes it ...
The first thing is talk about it a lot. Set up safewords and take it really slow. Learn the basics about the types of play you are interested in, for instance, learn where you can tie someone safely and where you can't learn about places that the human body can take impact play and what places you should avoid. The biggest thing to keep BDSM play safe is knowledge. As far as the best beginner toys I would say start with silk scarves or maybe some of the intro BDSM kits here that include very basic items like blindfolds etc... If you have any other questions never be afraid to ask them.
05/14/2011
NarcissisticLust NarcissisticLust
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Nessa
I enjoy the idea of being tied down, and forced to do things.
i feel like bringout the whips and chains,and try your hardest to make me scream. I have 3 Questions.

1. How can i get my boyfriend more into the idea of doing this? He likes it ...
Communication in a neutral place! Lots of communication. Discuss what both of you want from the experience in a physically and emotionally neutral place, make sure you understand each other and be on the same page. I am a new(er) BDSM player and my boyfriend is just new so we read a book together. It was a fun experience for both of us and, having a book bring up topics I would usually be shy about, really helped both of us. Lucky for me he had some intense hidden kink which matched really well with my sub role! Concerning what to purchase, I would suggest a beginner set online with comfortable restraints and ropes you can easily work with. When you are tied up you don't need to be comfortable, but not using shackles or twine ropes in the beginning is probably a good idea. If you are interested in sensation play, I would start with very mild toys. Aside from that, just start slow and make it a journey!
05/17/2011
underHim underHim
Lots of communication. He may be uncomfortable because he does not know what you are hoping he will do.
03/26/2012
SexysaurousRex SexysaurousRex
go slowly and talk it out and get some of the books on EF they are very good guides for things like rope bondage.
03/26/2012
TheSinDoll TheSinDoll
Sub Frenzy much?

I know it all seems new and exciting at first, but take your time and go slow. Trust me, it's better not to rush into anything. Learn about what you like and what you don't like.

Everyone has talked about communication and that's the first place to start.

There are a ton of educational books out there that can help your partner to better understand where you're coming from, but nothing is going to explain it better than you actually talking to him about it. Tell him what you want and what you expect.

Don't start with anything intimidating in the way of toys. YOU don't even know what you like or can take until you've tried it, but start small and fully experience a toy on all levels before you move on to something else. Some of the best toys are your hands. Spanking, slapping, being held down, etc...

Safe words - always important. Establish those from jump.

If there's a group that's local to you, attend some munches.

Ask questions. Educate yourselves.

Have fun & Good luck!
03/27/2012
SizeQueenAndProud SizeQueenAndProud
Quote:
Originally posted by underHim
Lots of communication. He may be uncomfortable because he does not know what you are hoping he will do.
This is definitely my concern in my partner wanting me to engage in bdsm with her, but I also worry about hurting her or feeling like I'm doing some sort of damage to her mentally. I know she's told me over and over not to worry about that, but I think more education would definitely be a big help for me.
04/03/2012
underHim underHim
Quote:
Originally posted by SizeQueenAndProud
This is definitely my concern in my partner wanting me to engage in bdsm with her, but I also worry about hurting her or feeling like I'm doing some sort of damage to her mentally. I know she's told me over and over not to worry about that, ...
I seriously doubt you will damage her mentally. Talk about what you want to do beforehand (important:do not talk about it when you are horny) There is actually a great resource called the BDSM play partner checklist that I highly recommend you both fill out. It will give you an idea where you both are and what you both agree on wanting to try. It is quite lengthy and I would not recommend doing it together because intentionally or not you may sway each others opinions and this is something you want to be honest about, where your limits are and what you are interested in trying. Sit down and talk about it after you have filled it out. Discuss what the similarities and differences are in your choices. Also, remember to retake the checklist on occasion, because as you experience more you may both find you are willing to try things you did not think you would ever do. Here is a link
link
Questions?
04/03/2012
BloodHound BloodHound
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Nessa
I enjoy the idea of being tied down, and forced to do things.
i feel like bringout the whips and chains,and try your hardest to make me scream. I have 3 Questions.

1. How can i get my boyfriend more into the idea of doing this? He likes it ...
Communication is always key. While there are a number of excellent books out there on BDSM don't put the burden all on yourselves to figure everything out.

Try looking for a local kinky community. This can be a great place to get to talk other people about their experiences. Also, getting into a local community could open the opportunity to attend a party where you can see some of what you and your boyfriend want to try in person and can ask questions based on what you've seen.

If you haven't heard of fetlife yet I would recommend you check it out. It's free to join and is a good way to network and find people in your area.

As far as things going wrong though. It's going to happen at some point. No matter your skill level or years experience there is always a chance something can go wrong. The key here is knowing how to take care of a situation when things do go wrong.

Don't go buying anything just yet. Wait until you have a good idea of what you and your boyfriend want to do. No sense in wasting money on toys that you may end up not using.

If you have any specific questions please feel free to send me a message. I will be more than happy to answer it for you.
04/06/2012
Glinteye Glinteye
Communication!
04/20/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
1. Start out with something lighter, like handcuffs and spanking with his hand. It's safe and easy to moderate, and he could easily see if he was hurting you. Talking it out and communicating are also crucial.

2. Again, handcuffs and simple stuff. Make sure you have a way to communicate whether you really need help. Don't try anything too fancy until you have the basics down, and have done some looking into it, such as fetlife

3. Handcuffs, blindfold, and your hand are pretty effective. They're simple, and easy to remove quickly, and reasonably hard to mess up.
04/21/2012
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 10