Best BDSM book for beginners

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Best BDSM book for beginners

Kayla Kayla
While I'm not a beginner anymore, I was interested on what you'd recommend to someone in the following situations. (Completely hypothetical, and I'm mostly interested in the responses because a lot of people differ on what the best "beginner" book is for BDSM.)

A) A guy who's interested in BDSM and thinks he'd make a good Dominant and wants to learn some techniques about BDSM.

B) A girl who knows she'd be into BDSM and wants to learn about BDSM and how to be a good submissive.

I'll throw in my answers later as not to give you hints.
12/16/2009
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Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
While I'm not a beginner anymore, I was interested on what you'd recommend to someone in the following situations. (Completely hypothetical, and I'm mostly interested in the responses because a lot of people differ on what the best ...
OMG I can't wait to see what people suggest. I have been rummaging through the books on the website and am a little confsed as to what would be a good book for a beginner beginner. I am super kinky and super open but my man isn't so much and I hope to find something that doesnt scare him out of trying something new. So can't wait...
12/16/2009
Zoet Zoet
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
While I'm not a beginner anymore, I was interested on what you'd recommend to someone in the following situations. (Completely hypothetical, and I'm mostly interested in the responses because a lot of people differ on what the best ...
While you obviously have books in mind (that I can't wait to hear about) I'd suggest:

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren (it's newly revised I believe) for both parties. In D/s relationships it's helpful to understand both sides of the coin and Warren has insights that would help in either case.

Books that help me get into the headspace for scening and play include The Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice writing as A.N. Roquelaure. This would probably be more for the girl interested in being a good submissive as Rice gets into Beauty's head for much of the book and deals with her emotions and experiences while learning to submit. A plus because the trilogy is available at many public libraries. Alas, not the case for TLD.

Yay for book reviews says the librarian in me.
12/17/2009
Kayla Kayla
Quote:
Originally posted by Zoet
While you obviously have books in mind (that I can't wait to hear about) I'd suggest:

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren (it's newly revised I believe) for both parties. In D/s relationships it's helpful to ...
I'd agree about the Beauty Trilogy being a good book to be in the mindset, but I'm not sure if you'd want to use it as trying to show someone what BDSM is like. It kinda borders between abuse and BDSM in that book. But it *is* really hot.
12/17/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I have the trilogy and love it. I know it is not how things really are in real scenes but it sure did inspire and open me up to this kind of sexual pleasure.

I am wondering if SM101 is good at all.
12/17/2009
Saraid Saraid
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I have the trilogy and love it. I know it is not how things really are in real scenes but it sure did inspire and open me up to this kind of sexual pleasure.

I am wondering if SM101 is good at all.
Me too. I have it on my wishlist, but would rather get more recommendations before buying it or something else.
12/17/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Saraid
Me too. I have it on my wishlist, but would rather get more recommendations before buying it or something else.
It's a GREAT book. Honestly. Since the original read, I've pulled it out on more than one occasion to look something up. I've reviewed it on my blog. The only complaints I really have are that the online resources are dated but that seems to be the case also with Screw Me the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. I would definitely recommend BDSM101, especially for technique and gear info. Maybe not quite so much for the mindset type stuff but it truly is as the name describes.
12/17/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
It's a GREAT book. Honestly. Since the original read, I've pulled it out on more than one occasion to look something up. I've reviewed it on my blog. The only complaints I really have are that the online resources are dated but that seems ...
Er, screw the roses LOL
12/17/2009
Kayla Kayla
Quote:
Originally posted by Saraid
Me too. I have it on my wishlist, but would rather get more recommendations before buying it or something else.
I'll actually be posting a review on it on my blog within the next couple days. I was sent it to review. So far, it's pretty good. Not so exciting, though. Very technical. Depends on what you want out of the book.
12/18/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I guess I may be interested in the technical stuff but I am not sure what that encompasses overall. Does technical stuff mean knowing how to use equipment and safe word kind of techniques? What does the mind set deal with? I am less than a beginner, lol.
12/18/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I guess I may be interested in the technical stuff but I am not sure what that encompasses overall. Does technical stuff mean knowing how to use equipment and safe word kind of techniques? What does the mind set deal with? I am less than a beginner, ...
It focuses heavily on equipment, yes. How to pick it out, make it or use it. Techniques to ensure you're not moving too fast. Lots of safety concerns (like knowing CPR and having items nearby in case of emergency). Names and different types of knots, hooks, connectors, etc. If you are getting into BDSM as more a physical thing (or already have established your D/s role), it's a great book. When I talk about the mind set, I mean if you identify as dominant or submissive and how to develop that within your scenes. BDSM101 doesn't really talk about how to get comfortable with the idea that you want those things (if the idea makes you uncomfortable) or explore the different relationship dynamics but, for some people, that doesn't really come into play.
12/18/2009
Kayla Kayla
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
It focuses heavily on equipment, yes. How to pick it out, make it or use it. Techniques to ensure you're not moving too fast. Lots of safety concerns (like knowing CPR and having items nearby in case of emergency). Names and different types of ...
Completely agree with Adriana here. I just wrote a review over the book at my blog:

link

If you're interested in knowing exactly what the book does include. If you're interested in a specific aspect of BDSM, let me know, and I can probably recommend a really great book for any aspect. For example, SM 101 has a great section on the basics of toys, but if you love floggers, there's a book called "Floggers" that is about a 150 pages worth of information about them.

As for person A, I'd have to recommend SM 101 (if they want a little bit more of a dry read. Just to touch up on the basics) or "The Loving Dominant" for the beginning of knowledge on how to be a Dominant - not just the techniques of BDSM.

As for person B, I'd recommend "Erotic Slavehood". I know EF carries it since I reviewed it. It's an amazing thorough book for anyone looking at the submissive side of BDSM (Not just the slave side.).
12/18/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
Looks like I will have a bit of reading to do
12/18/2009
RosesThorns RosesThorns
I agree with both "The Loving Dominant" and "Screw the Roses, Send me the throns". I love both!
01/19/2010
imp imp
Screw the Roses is a good book to read for those who want to do a little book reading. The Bottoming book and the topping book are also good reads for beginners who want to explore things a little. I've read tons of books and they all have their good and bad but best experience was gained by meeting people and finding like minded souls to talk to.
01/22/2010
Angel deSanguine Angel deSanguine
I would also say Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. My husband had considerably less (read:none) experience with BDSM than I had coming into the relationship. He was always a little intimidated by BDSM, reading that book helped him gain a new level of comfort.

I know it's not a book, but what brought it on home for him that yes, I mean it when I say I want you to (insert action here) is the movie Rough Sex. He was raised as a Southern gentleman and that movie really crystallized that there is a definite separation between BDSM and abuse (he knew that, but his upbringing made it difficult for him to wrap his head around the more rough, very aggressive things I was asking for) and that it IS okay if it's something that we've discussed and that I DO get pleasure from it.
01/22/2010
WildBill WildBill
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
While I'm not a beginner anymore, I was interested on what you'd recommend to someone in the following situations. (Completely hypothetical, and I'm mostly interested in the responses because a lot of people differ on what the best ...
LOTS of great info. Lots of books to read.
04/01/2011
Enchantedkitty Enchantedkitty
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
While I'm not a beginner anymore, I was interested on what you'd recommend to someone in the following situations. (Completely hypothetical, and I'm mostly interested in the responses because a lot of people differ on what the best ...
Good topic!
04/02/2011
Lilgirlsunshine Lilgirlsunshine
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
While I'm not a beginner anymore, I was interested on what you'd recommend to someone in the following situations. (Completely hypothetical, and I'm mostly interested in the responses because a lot of people differ on what the best ...
I recommend BDSM 101 and Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns as the two best books for folks just getting into BDSM. They are easy to read and have lots of great information.
04/22/2011
Total posts: 19
Unique posters: 11