Bringing up BDSM in a relationship...

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Bringing up BDSM in a relationship...

LunaDragon LunaDragon
I always wanted to try BDSM but I am always to worried about bringing it up. How would you bring it up and if you did how do you know you have good partner for it?
11/14/2012
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KinkyKatiya KinkyKatiya
Quote:
Originally posted by LunaDragon
I always wanted to try BDSM but I am always to worried about bringing it up. How would you bring it up and if you did how do you know you have good partner for it?
I think the best way to bring it up is to share your curiosities, obviously with someone that you trust and trusts you 100% you can also find videos of specifics you want to try, nothing to drastic because you dont want to overwhelm them or yourself.
11/15/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
It depends on you and your partner. It depends on what level of BDSM you're interested in exploring and how important it is to you.
Has your partner shown any interest in non-vanilla activities or are they a strictly-missionary-un der-the-covers-with-th e-lights-off vanilla bean? Have you ever mentioned an interest? Has the subject ever come up indirectly (movies, books, other people?) and if so, how did they react?
Are you interested in some silk ties and a blindfold and a feather duster or are you interested in heavy bondage and impact or even serious "edge-play" (knives, cutting, blood, needles, medical, breath, fire, etc.). Are you interested in something that will be an occasional fun thing in the bedroom, needing it to be a regular part of your sexlife, or looking for it to be part of your relationship and lifestyle outside the bedroom as well? Are you looking to only play with your partner, or looking to expand to other people? Is your interest on a level that would cause a shift to your relationship and way of life? Are you casually interested in exploring or is this something that is eating at you and creating a desperate need or is this something that you absolutely know is vital to your happiness and that you don't want to have a life or a sex life without?
In any case, some things you shouldn't do:
-Don't ever try to play without negotiating it. ie: don't start spanking a partner without confirming that they're ok with it.
-Don't lie or be misleading about how important it is to you. Don't bring it up as a passing curiosity if you're pretty sure this is something you don't want to live without.
-Don't discount the role of education and safety. You and your partner should both learn about what you're wanting to try before you do it so you make sure that you know how to do it. Even if it's something that won't result in a major risk to safety, do the research because it will ultimately result in a much more satisfactory and pleasant experience if you know what you're doing.
The best thing you can do is communicate. Be honest, transparant and open. If this is a somewhat serious interest, perhaps buying a book like SM 101 or The New Topping Book and/or The New Bottoming Book might be a good place to start. When Someone You Love is Kinky is also a great one for introducing partners and loved ones to the idea of kink. If it's a very casual interest, you might suggest some light, non threating BDSM toys, on the level of the silk ties and blindfold and some gentle feather duster type sensation play. Light some candles, play some music, keep it light and have fun. Make sure you talk about it afterwards and get some feedback to see how you both felt about it and if it's something you'd like to explore further or if that was enough or if you want to do it again. If this is on the level of "I must have this or I don't know how to live" (no joke, i've been there), then definitely look into the books i mentioned and probably connect with your kinky community and find someone who can advise you and possibly even help you talk to your partner. If it's a desire to change the relationship to a D/s or M/s or some other kinky dynamic or to involve a polyamorous element or something along those lines, definitely the books, definitely the community connections, and also look into some books like Jack Rinella's Partners in Power.
11/17/2012
Total posts: 3
Unique posters: 3