Discussion at the lunch table at work

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Discussion at the lunch table at work

satinlady550 satinlady550
satinlady550
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We are a close nit group where I work and we have daily discussions during breaktime. Tonight was bondage and spanking. One of the guys jumped up all upset because his views on BDSM is it is abuse.. I told him to calm down because abuse is something you don't like.. If you like and enjoy something then how is that abuse.. What are your thoughts on his reaction/
09/29/2012
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Supervixen Supervixen
It's unfortunately a common misconception about BDSM. Tell him that he should read books, and come to any old adult site, including EF, and look at all the BDSM gear that happily kinky couples purchase for their sex lives. Have him read the reviews. Abuse has to be non-consensual, and BDSM is consensual. In fact, people who are into it and are responsible individuals go to great lengths to educate themselves about safety and having open communication with their partners. It has the potential to hurt someone seriously, either physically or emotionally, and people who are into it take it very seriously.

I know that a lot of people don't get how pain could be enjoyable or fun, or how power rifts in the bedroom can be gratifying for all involved. I think it takes an open mind, a taste for adventure and exploring the taboo, and definitely the right person to explore with. On the flipside, I've had totally vanilla sex with men who were abusive--they were selfish, didn't care about how I felt physically or emotionally, they were manipulative, and they were disrespectful. The best sex I've had of my life, the most gratifying, caring and loving, has been rough, kinky and intense--and we're just getting started. The trust that it takes for people to engage in this kind of sex is profound--I would never do such things with an abusive person. I started a tip of the ice-berg kinky relationship with someone who was awful towards me--and thankfully, I got away from him. Now I'm with someone who makes me feel respected, appreciated, understood and cherished--and he spanks me until I'm bruised, he bites me, handcuffs me, talks dirty to me, pushes me around the bedroom and fucks me silly. And I wanted all of it, we talked about it beforehand, we check in with each other afterwards to make sure we're still okay, and it's been very gratifying for us both. This is not abuse. This is how we like our sex lives, this is mutually satisfying, and this makes us happy. If I were being abused, I couldn't say a simple safe word and make it all stop if I want to--there are no safe words in instances of abuse.

It's not for everyone, and everyone is different, but I wish people would not jump to conclusions about sexual tastes that they don't understand. There are plenty of kinks that I don't get, quite a few I'm repulsed by--but hey, if you can find someone to share them with in privacy and no one gets hurt, what do I care?
09/30/2012
deinevanille deinevanille
When people find out I'm kinky (and they nearly inevitably do if we're close friends) and they're confused and or worried by it, here are a couple of the points I try to get across.
1) Everything is 100% consensual. If I or my partner ever do something the other person doesn't like or isn't comfortable with, we stop immediately.

2) It's not about causing harm, it's about building trust. I would never, /ever/ play with someone I didn't trust.

3) Everything is done as safely as possible. I explain the concepts of RACK and SSC, and what those mean to me, and how they affect my play. If I'm not sure how to do something, I'm not going to do it until I can get clarification.
10/04/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
I'd point out that consent is the primary rules of BDSM, and that the negative perception is an exaggeration. One book put it quite well with "the problem with the psychological perception of BDSM is that the majority of people who went into therapy were on the extreme end"
10/04/2012
Total posts: 4
Unique posters: 4