i gotta say something ladies. (and gentlemen if they're posting)...i sincerely appreciate this thread. as a guy, i have gone past the word no with gf's when things were very heated. it was never in taken someones virginity - but ic that doesnt matter in principle. when i did go past no, she did end up thoroughly enjoying the next level...but i would be a liar if i said i didnt feel wrong about it anyway each time. reading these posts was enlightening and embarrassing at the same time. i can honestly say that most of the men i know - we joke (in seriousness) - that 'women love it when you go past the word no' or 'no means yes'...im beginning to believe now that thats not true. and what im reading here is lining up with my gut feelings all along. i dont know who started this thread (im new here) , but thank you.
ever said no and he/ she didn't stop?
01/28/2011
Quote:
Me as well... it's not "losing your virginity" It's called "Being Raped" Let's get that straight.
Originally posted by
Xavier7
That's how I lost mine too. You're not alone.
01/28/2011
Quote:
You should always listen to your gut. If you get the sense that it's wrong, then it probably is. We all (other than sociopaths) have an instilled sense of morality. Sure levels may differ between people, but it's still there and it should be listened to.
Originally posted by
Socalsk8tr
i gotta say something ladies. (and gentlemen if they're posting)...i sincerely appreciate this thread. as a guy, i have gone past the word no with gf's when things were very heated. it was never in taken someones virginity - but ic that
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more
i gotta say something ladies. (and gentlemen if they're posting)...i sincerely appreciate this thread. as a guy, i have gone past the word no with gf's when things were very heated. it was never in taken someones virginity - but ic that doesnt matter in principle. when i did go past no, she did end up thoroughly enjoying the next level...but i would be a liar if i said i didnt feel wrong about it anyway each time. reading these posts was enlightening and embarrassing at the same time. i can honestly say that most of the men i know - we joke (in seriousness) - that 'women love it when you go past the word no' or 'no means yes'...im beginning to believe now that thats not true. and what im reading here is lining up with my gut feelings all along. i dont know who started this thread (im new here) , but thank you.
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01/28/2011
I have had an issues with males in the past not listening to the word no but my current gf will stop immediately if she thinks im even a bit uncomfortable because she knows what i have been through.
01/28/2011
I've been in scenes where I said "no" or "stop" and the top did not respond to either but the scenes were intended to be challenging and push my limits. There was a safe word and I know had I used it play would have ceased immediately.
02/04/2011
Nope.
If I say no, he stops. I don't often say no though.
If I say no, he stops. I don't often say no though.
08/16/2011
![Contributor: [Red]](https://cdn2.edenfantasys.com/Images/Contributors/DefaultAvatars/29_50x50.jpg)
I love it when he keeps going no matter what I say.
08/29/2011
Quote:
Agreed.
Originally posted by
BBW Talks Toys
Me as well... it's not "losing your virginity" It's called "Being Raped" Let's get that straight.
08/29/2011
With Bee, there have been a few playful times when she'll say: 'Oh, no. No. We have to go to bed. It's so late already and we really shouldn't'. And I know that really means: 'I want to, but I'm afraid of being tired in the morning.' I usually keep going.
This happened recently and I ended up cuffing her down to the bed and not taking no for an answer. I asked her about two minutes in if she really did want me to stop. And she said: 'If I wanted you to stop, you'd know.'
I do think that in cases where there is legit restraint/possible harm involved, a safe word needs to be used. As light as our bondage has been, we don't have a safe word. I sometimes wonder if that's a bad thing. But she gets this tone in her voice and I know when she means serious business. This also applies to when we're having sex or when she's telling me to clean up the kitchen or taking out the trash.
This happened recently and I ended up cuffing her down to the bed and not taking no for an answer. I asked her about two minutes in if she really did want me to stop. And she said: 'If I wanted you to stop, you'd know.'
I do think that in cases where there is legit restraint/possible harm involved, a safe word needs to be used. As light as our bondage has been, we don't have a safe word. I sometimes wonder if that's a bad thing. But she gets this tone in her voice and I know when she means serious business. This also applies to when we're having sex or when she's telling me to clean up the kitchen or taking out the trash.
08/29/2011
Quote:
I think experiences like this is why some people didn't answer this poll. Being taken by force, against your will has nothing in common with consensual restraint, consensual bondage and consensual hard play.
Originally posted by
Booktease
With Bee, there have been a few playful times when she'll say: 'Oh, no. No. We have to go to bed. It's so late already and we really shouldn't'. And I know that really means: 'I want to, but I'm afraid of being tired in
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With Bee, there have been a few playful times when she'll say: 'Oh, no. No. We have to go to bed. It's so late already and we really shouldn't'. And I know that really means: 'I want to, but I'm afraid of being tired in the morning.' I usually keep going.
This happened recently and I ended up cuffing her down to the bed and not taking no for an answer. I asked her about two minutes in if she really did want me to stop. And she said: 'If I wanted you to stop, you'd know.'
I do think that in cases where there is legit restraint/possible harm involved, a safe word needs to be used. As light as our bondage has been, we don't have a safe word. I sometimes wonder if that's a bad thing. But she gets this tone in her voice and I know when she means serious business. This also applies to when we're having sex or when she's telling me to clean up the kitchen or taking out the trash. less
This happened recently and I ended up cuffing her down to the bed and not taking no for an answer. I asked her about two minutes in if she really did want me to stop. And she said: 'If I wanted you to stop, you'd know.'
I do think that in cases where there is legit restraint/possible harm involved, a safe word needs to be used. As light as our bondage has been, we don't have a safe word. I sometimes wonder if that's a bad thing. But she gets this tone in her voice and I know when she means serious business. This also applies to when we're having sex or when she's telling me to clean up the kitchen or taking out the trash. less
I know you realize that () but I worry that some who are not familiar with "The Lifestyle" may not realize that good, healthy BDSM is completely consensual and that in most cases, the Bottom holds the key to the power.
Also, I think many of us who were harmed either as children or otherwise against our will simply don't want to have to repeat the experience again in words.
IMO, bondage and actual sexual assault are not related. The way the OP worded the question was too vague, and seemed to include BOTH as if they were the same thing. So, I didn't feel comfortable answering, and I still don't.
08/29/2011
Quote:
I agree completely.
Originally posted by
P'Gell
I think experiences like this is why some people didn't answer this poll. Being taken by force, against your will has nothing in common with consensual restraint, consensual bondage and consensual hard play.
I know you realize that () but ... more
I know you realize that () but ... more
I think experiences like this is why some people didn't answer this poll. Being taken by force, against your will has nothing in common with consensual restraint, consensual bondage and consensual hard play.
I know you realize that () but I worry that some who are not familiar with "The Lifestyle" may not realize that good, healthy BDSM is completely consensual and that in most cases, the Bottom holds the key to the power.
Also, I think many of us who were harmed either as children or otherwise against our will simply don't want to have to repeat the experience again in words.
IMO, bondage and actual sexual assault are not related. The way the OP worded the question was too vague, and seemed to include BOTH as if they were the same thing. So, I didn't feel comfortable answering, and I still don't. less
I know you realize that () but I worry that some who are not familiar with "The Lifestyle" may not realize that good, healthy BDSM is completely consensual and that in most cases, the Bottom holds the key to the power.
Also, I think many of us who were harmed either as children or otherwise against our will simply don't want to have to repeat the experience again in words.
IMO, bondage and actual sexual assault are not related. The way the OP worded the question was too vague, and seemed to include BOTH as if they were the same thing. So, I didn't feel comfortable answering, and I still don't. less
The word 'no' does not always mean there isn't consent. But its different. I have had friends who have been raped. Bee being one of those people. And I agree-- bondage? Very different.
I think her question should have been more explained also.
08/29/2011
Quote:
I guess we're just weird.
Originally posted by
[Red]
I love it when he keeps going no matter what I say.
08/30/2011
In consensual sex, no.
My partner cares about me and respects me. He knows that if I safeword, that is that, no more discussion, nothing, full-stop no.
My partner cares about me and respects me. He knows that if I safeword, that is that, no more discussion, nothing, full-stop no.
08/30/2011
I've had both pleasant and unpleasant experiences with this:
My first boyfriend, who sometimes would go a step further than I was comfortable with but I thought it was okay because I generally enjoyed it. Needless to say, "consent" was not part of my high school education (or his, for that matter; I do not blame him for it though I'm bitter about the lack of fucking education [PUNS[)
My current boyfriend, who on numerous occasions would simply not stop going down on my even after I said I was "done." I think my record with him is five, with two times and then three times.
My first boyfriend, who sometimes would go a step further than I was comfortable with but I thought it was okay because I generally enjoyed it. Needless to say, "consent" was not part of my high school education (or his, for that matter; I do not blame him for it though I'm bitter about the lack of fucking education [PUNS[)
My current boyfriend, who on numerous occasions would simply not stop going down on my even after I said I was "done." I think my record with him is five, with two times and then three times.
08/31/2011
Quote:
I voted 'kinda'. My boyfriend put me over the sofa and started to spank me (consensually), but the spanks were so hard and fast that I said the safe word, fast, three times in a row, before he stopped, and it was more than I could take. If he'd been going slower, he'd have stopped the first time I said the safeword, and it would have been okay.
Originally posted by
mariah
or maybe said " it's ok" or tryed to calm you down, but still did not stop
We talked after that, and worked everything out, but I was pretty mad at him for a while.
08/31/2011
Nope, I've never had that problem.
08/31/2011
It was not fun...
09/09/2011
Yup. I forgot my safe word during a rape fantasy. I was young, he was young (Not even old enough to drink young) we weren't educated about BDSM *at all*. Needless to say, that incident ended our relationship. After it was all over he felt bad, I felt bad, and the relationship ended the next week. You better believe that I will never forget a safe word anymore, and even though I couldn't remember it then, I will always remember it from here on out.
09/11/2011
Quote:
Yes. And I thanked her for it
Originally posted by
mariah
im talking about anything really like have you ever used a safe word or even just regualt play and have you ever said no.. or used your safe word. and he didnt stop or slow down
09/11/2011
I voted kind of. I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm hyper-orgasmic, but I do have limits on what my body can handle. My ex wanted to find out what my upper limits were one day, and eventually I was begging him to stop, and he didn't. He just wanted to coax a few more out of me, and kept whispering "It'll be okay, just one more". By the time he stopped, I had seized twice, fainted, was sobbing and laughing hysterically, couldn't move my legs, and could hardly remember how to speak. It wasn't fun or sexy for me - it was horrifying.
But I didn't say anything to him, because he was so proud of himself for making me cum 53 times. I should have realized that was a major red flag - that sex was an ego thing for him, which would explain why he cheated on me so often.
But I didn't say anything to him, because he was so proud of himself for making me cum 53 times. I should have realized that was a major red flag - that sex was an ego thing for him, which would explain why he cheated on me so often.
09/11/2011
When I'm doing anything with anyone and they need to stop, I say it firmly but not so firmly that they feel uncomfortable or freaked out. I just let them know that I'm serious and they need to stop. I don't typically do BDSM but I'm slowly getting into the biting/scratching/span king and I definitely have an issue if someone is doing it way too hard. (My husband, lol). So I let him know by saying "Babe, you're seriously hurting me and you need to stop doing it so hard" along with giving him "the look".
09/11/2011
If you say no & they don't stop, or you say your agreed upon safe word, and they don't stop, then it's rape. Some people seem to think that the line is blurry with BDSM play, because the play itself can, from the outside, look forceful, but using your safe word during play is the same as saying NO in any other sexual situation. Rape is rape, regardless of what you were doing before.
09/16/2011
My ex went beyond the please stop and he broke my trust...It was never regained and that is why hes an ex. We talked about it and he appologized, but he told me he did it intentionally to get what he wanted because he felt that was the only way he was going to get it because I was going through a depressive episode and I was never in the mood. Its not okay and it has taken me a while to come to terms with it even after confronting him.
09/16/2011
Also there is a difference between consensual non consent and rape...some people may have that sort of understanding with there partner, but I dont think that is what this thread is asking about...
09/16/2011
Quote:
Are you talking about pestering and begging for sex when you say no, not in the mood tired? If so I answered the poll right, if not I did'nt answer the poll right.
Originally posted by
mariah
or maybe said " it's ok" or tryed to calm you down, but still did not stop
09/16/2011
He's never kept going when I told him to stop. And he'd seriously hurt anyone who got out of hand at any of the events and such we attend together.
09/16/2011
Once...and it was with an ex. Technically, it was rape.
09/21/2011
I'm so sad to see all the posts here about what people have gone through. And everyone who has spoken about such traumatizing experiences are so brave and awesome and I want to hug each and every one of you. I'd also encourage everybody to read about rape culture and the ideas of enthusiastic consent and the Yes means yes movement.
09/22/2011
I've been very lucky. No guy I've ever been consentingly has ever not stopped when I asked him to. I've had guys push themselves onto me, but I'm fully capable of handling myself. But, if I say no, or stop, or just push them away, then they have always stopped, and tried to help me feel better. They have always checked to make sure its ok before they start again. Sometimes I'll whine to stop or slow down when my guy goes down on me and makes me come, he'll keep going, but that isn't anything all that serious. When I mean it, he stops.
09/30/2011
Quote:
Ha! love it!
Originally posted by
Midway through
I bashed a guy in the head with a plastic cup near my bed when he kept after me when I said no. I've also threatened to bash a guy with a frying pan. I have no fear of men, nor do I ever let one control me. That was back when I was younger,
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I bashed a guy in the head with a plastic cup near my bed when he kept after me when I said no. I've also threatened to bash a guy with a frying pan. I have no fear of men, nor do I ever let one control me. That was back when I was younger, I'm a domme now and never give a guy a chance at top. But if he got cocky and tried... I'd beat the shit out of him with a riding crop.
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01/23/2012