Now that Fifty Shades has made BDSM more popular, things like this are happening

Contributor: NightKat NightKat
I was at the Exxxotica expo in Chicago recently where they held a seminar about the books. A professional Dom and Domme basically sat down with over 100 vanilla people and tried to explain what the lifestyle is really about. I'm glad people are becoming interested in BDSM, I just wish it didn't take a group of professionals to fix all the misconceptions and saftey concerns that the book is generating.
07/22/2012
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by NightKat
I was at the Exxxotica expo in Chicago recently where they held a seminar about the books. A professional Dom and Domme basically sat down with over 100 vanilla people and tried to explain what the lifestyle is really about. I'm glad people are ... more
How did the crowd react? (Assuming that you attended the seminar.)
07/22/2012
Contributor: T&A1987 T&A1987
could BDSM be really dangerous to someone who doesn't understand what it's really about? If so how? What are specific examples of what could happen?
07/22/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
could BDSM be really dangerous to someone who doesn't understand what it's really about? If so how? What are specific examples of what could happen?
So let's take the Cosmo example since it's a good example of what the average person would likely use if they knew nothing.

You hit your SO with a hairbrush after a shower. Let's say you don't know how strong you are and whack away. Let's say that person used to get beat with hairbrushes by their parent when they were a child and suddenly has a flashback. How do you think that person will feel? Or, hell, let's just say it hurts like a bitch and s/he is pissed off.

The stakes on how injured get higher the more you play. If you don't know what you're doing and go out and buy a crop, you could very seriously injure someone. Let's say you don't know anything and hit in the no-no places and cause internal bleeding. This is pretty common from what I hear with people who don't do research.

Pretty much the dangers range from a bad emotional response to a bad physical one. In the wrong hands some things could lead to death if not careful.

Then there's the consent issue you see so many people talking about. Why is consent so important? Because BDSM can be about pain, it can be about power, it can be about lots of things. If it's a S&M thing, if you don't get consent, you're abusing someone. If it's power control and you don't get consent you're an ass. And abusive in a different sort of way. Depending on how far things go, you could be torturing someone if you don't get consent. You could be raping them. Pinning someone down and forcing sex on them could be great for a sub - if you discussed it beforehand. Doing it to your SO without consent? Yeah, that's still rape. Rape is always so fun to deal with emotionally...

There are just countless examples of what could go wrong. Is it worth the risk? Yeah, probably not much is gonna happen if you're using toilet paper for bondage, but you never know if someone may have a negative reaction and never trust you again. Yeah, you may find you can expertly use a crop the first time, but what if you screw up and seriously injure a loved one?

Safe, Sane, Consensual. Rules to live by, really.
07/22/2012
Contributor: Gdom Gdom
Cosmo sex tips have always been ridiculous, but the idea of trying to tie someone up with toilet paper actually made me laugh out loud. Even if Cosmo wanted to keep the article "kink light," they could have at least suggested neckties or scarves...I mean, toilet paper!? Really?
07/22/2012
Contributor: dv8 dv8
I don't understand the popularity of Fifty Shades. Why has it started a craze? Other, better, BDSM novels have been around for years without causing a stir.
07/22/2012
Contributor: xGOLDx xGOLDx
Discussion and consent should never be over looked. But my experience with the books has been a bit different. I manage an adult store and there has only been one instance where a customer came in looking for a flogger because it was mentioned in the book, even though she didn`t know what it was. For the rest of the people coming in because of the book, it has really been a way for them to get permission to experiment with sex. These people usually just buy a small toy or a blindfold. Ben wa sales have gone up, and that is about it. No one is going to read one book and go from vanilla to needing a dungeon. It is something that you get into because of your own curiosity.
07/22/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
could BDSM be really dangerous to someone who doesn't understand what it's really about? If so how? What are specific examples of what could happen?
Kira pretty mu h hit the nail on the head.

People can become seriously hurt if they don't know what they're doing. If you're into bondage, that's great. If you know how to be safe. If you don't know what you're doing, you may not know you need safety scissors.What if you tie a knot too tight, and someone starts losing circulation. What if the house catches on fire, and you can't get someone untied fast. Sure, it's not that likely if you're being careful, but it's always good to know what can go wrong.

And there's always the emotional pain, like she said. What if someone says they're a willing sub, and they think they'll try anything, so the dom wants to try some humiliation, and she thinks "hey this can't be too bad", then s/he starts making fun of her, or degrading her. I for one would love that, but that could also seriously hurt someone's self-esteem.

There's also always the risk of other injuries, which was also mentioned. The thing about the crop is a big one. I've also been hit in the face by a flogger, because my husband aimed wrong. And we know what we're doing!
07/22/2012
Contributor: cheesewizz cheesewizz
Quote:
Originally posted by Princess-Kayla ♥
link

That's a link to a blog about a Cosmo article about BDSM. I couldn't find the article in Cosmo, but I did find this article:
link

The first one tells you to do things like, surprise your man by smacking him with a ... more
oh dear. i dont see this ending well
07/22/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I've also been hit in the face by a flogger, because my husband aimed wrong. And we know what we're doing!

OW! I love being slapped in the face, but a flogger to it doesn't sound pleasant.

For the rest of the people coming in because of the book, it has really been a way for them to get permission to experiment with sex. These people usually just buy a small toy or a blindfold.

Yeah, but remember there are thousands upon thousands of people too nervous to go in sex stores but who are more than willing to buy things beyond their skill level online. Also I've noticed in the community that there's a lot of new people who suddenly think 24/7 is the be all and end all and are jumping into relationships like that. Those types of relationships take a ton of trust.

I kinda feel bad for the vanilla guys who have wives trying to get them to sign slave contracts now. That lifestyle just isn't for everyone.
07/22/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I've also been hit in the face by a flogger, because my husband aimed wrong. And we know what we're doing!

OW! I love being slapped in the face, but a flogger to it doesn't sound pleasant.

For the rest of the people coming ... more
Oh yeah, it hurt. It wasn't as hard as he usually swings though, thankfully because he was hitting my upper back. One of the falls just wrapped around and -whack-

And that's very true. My husband is a little iffy on the whole thing. He likes to spank and flog me, and we've used blindfolds and little things like that, but there are a ton of fantasies that I keep secret because I know he'd think they were weird.

Not everyone is into that, and I'm sure it's going to end badly. Imagine someone knowing nothing about it telling their husband to flog them. Oh lord.
07/22/2012
Contributor: sumie sumie
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
I don't understand the popularity of Fifty Shades. Why has it started a craze? Other, better, BDSM novels have been around for years without causing a stir.
Probably because it was offered as an e-book first so that many readers could discreetly download the book and begin reading it.
07/23/2012
Contributor: dv8 dv8
I'd like to see the cultural repercussions of a similar book making housewives curious about pegging.
07/23/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
I'd like to see the cultural repercussions of a similar book making housewives curious about pegging.
DUDE! I'm SO gonna write that now!
07/23/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
LOL i think this series of books has given stupid people stupid ideas... they are jumping into things without researching it and learning to do things safely. my Mister and i are active in BDSM and both were into it prior to meeting so there really wasnt any issues with bring up the topic hehe i've personally been avoiding these books but i have vanilla friends that are raving about them i'm just hoping they have the sense to think before jumping into anything
07/23/2012
Contributor: Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
I am positively frightened for these women who are advertising themselves as subs. There are some dangerous sickos out there who could seriously harm these ladies. I also worry about the psychological implications of jumping into this type of play, because a crappy book made it sound good. In addition to having mutual trust, I think people who engage in BDSM play have to really know themselves. They need to know their psychological and physical limits, their fears, and their anxieties and be able to discuss them openly with their partners prior to any play. When you're trussed up like a Christmas ham is not the time to panickedly mention that being bound reminds you of some past trauma and you're having a panic attack. Kayla&JJ, your example of humiliation is spot on. If you don't have the self awareness to know that being verbally humiliated will cause you mental distress, you could end up in bad shape mentally if a Dom/me starts calling you nasty names mid-scene.

Hitting someone with a hairbrush without their prior knowledge and consent is ASSAULT.
07/23/2012
Contributor: funny4now funny4now
I don't want to be smacked with anything when I come out of the shower unles I have prearranced it with you! And, what's up with getting tied up with toilet paper? Yuh, uh-huh--that would do the trick.
07/23/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
I'd like to see the cultural repercussions of a similar book making housewives curious about pegging.
Bahaha!
That would be great.

@ Mad's princess: I agree. I'd hope that people are trying to go about this the safe way, but I doubt they are. I have a friend who does sex toy parties, and she said that now all the sudden, tons of women want to have "Fifty Shades of Grey" themed parties. You can't just go to a toy party, and surprise your husband with a flogger later. These are things that need to be talked about.

@ Yaoi Pervette: First off, love your user name.
But yeah, you're very right. People really need to know who they are before they can jump into a BDSM relationship. Women are going to be seriously hurt. Then when they get into too much trouble about it, the blame is going to fall on the BDSM community.
07/23/2012
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
The toilet paper bondage part made me laugh...we use pretty good 2 ply stuff and it would take much more toilet paper than it's worth to use it for bondage of any form. Plus it's just plain ridiculous in my opinion, if you're going to dabble in restraint at least use something less silly like silk scarves, neckties, or bondage tape.

That slideshow had one or two fun ideas if you tweak them a bit though.
I think after all I've heard about this trilogy I'm glad I haven't bothered wasting time reading it.

It's sort of...nice...that the books are making BDSM a little more acceptable and mainstream but they're portraying it in entirely the wrong light and giving the readers expectations of BDSM that will, most likely, be dashed upon the rocks the first time they try finding a play partner or something.
07/24/2012
Contributor: HippieFeet HippieFeet
Is TP really that strong???
07/25/2012
Contributor: MissMori MissMori
Quote:
Originally posted by HippieFeet
Is TP really that strong???
I'm going to go with "no". Unless it's some new kind I've never heard of.
Leather toilet paper? Nah . . . .
07/25/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by HippieFeet
Is TP really that strong???
Well they want you to "rip free of your restraints" or something along those lines. I know I could probably sneeze and rip TP though.
07/25/2012
Contributor: Nick816 Nick816
Consent and communication are huge factors in any relationship. I...I don't think people who suggest using toilet paper to tie someone up have any idea what they're talking about.
07/27/2012
Contributor: Roz W Roz W
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
DUDE! I'm SO gonna write that now!
Do it do it do it! I'll help get the word out!
07/27/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by Nick816
Consent and communication are huge factors in any relationship. I...I don't think people who suggest using toilet paper to tie someone up have any idea what they're talking about.
I agree 100%.
I don't see how people continue to take their horrid advice!
07/28/2012
Contributor: NightKat NightKat
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
How did the crowd react? (Assuming that you attended the seminar.)
I'd say about 10 people left after no 'action' took place in the first five minutes of the seminar. The rest of the crowed looked a little confused when the words 'trust' and 'respect' were repeated several times, but appeared relieved when they were informed that most people don't live these roles 24/7. There seemed to be a lot of surprise when the head mistress came across as funny and personable instead of strict and cold.
07/28/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by NightKat
I'd say about 10 people left after no 'action' took place in the first five minutes of the seminar. The rest of the crowed looked a little confused when the words 'trust' and 'respect' were repeated several times, but ... more
That's interesting.
It's weird how it's so taboo and how people have these pre-set stereotypes about it all. It was really awesome of them to hold a seminar like that though.
07/28/2012
Contributor: kawigrl kawigrl
interesting
07/28/2012
Contributor: Nacht Stern Nacht Stern
Quote:
Originally posted by potstickers
Sadly, all the folks trying out bdsm without knowing what they're getting into is going to create more negative press than good press from the book.
agreed
07/29/2012
Contributor: Phantom2291 Phantom2291
Quote:
Originally posted by Princess-Kayla ♥
link

That's a link to a blog about a Cosmo article about BDSM. I couldn't find the article in Cosmo, but I did find this article:
link

The first one tells you to do things like, surprise your man by smacking him with a ... more
From what I've seen on this and heard about 50 shades, people are being shown the lightest of light bdsm. It is a bit unnerving thinking that in the future I might date someone who claims to be into it, but then terrified of what I suggest.
08/04/2012