How do you bring up BDSM with a vanilla partner?

SilverNarnia SilverNarnia
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I'm currently with a very vanilla guy, and want to see if he's interested in trying kink. How would you go about it?
12/26/2012
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Supervixen Supervixen
I'd have a heart to heart discussion about it. I mean, I've always found it interesting and arousing to talk about what I like and to hear what my partner likes--as long as you're open, honest, you don't pressure the other person, I think that's the best place to start. When I first started to become intimate with my current partner, I'd never told anyone a lot of my fantasies and sexual curiosities. He is pretty laid back though, so I just decided to go the honest, non-apologetic route. It opened up a whole new world for me, sexually speaking, and now we're trying new things together and expanding our horizons at the same time. But I think he found my honesty refreshing, and it opened the door for him to share with me. Even if someone seems vanilla at first, that doesn't mean that there isn't something that they've never shared bottled up inside of them that is kinky. And perhaps they just never imagined it before, and talking about it will be intriguing enough to set the ball rolling. Uncharted territory in the realm of sex can be scary, but it's also exciting.

That being said, that doesn't mean that he will react that way. Maybe has tried it and doesn't like it, or maybe he has imagined, and it doesn't interest him. I'd ease into it, maybe suggesting light spankings or bondage that isn't totally constrictive, blindfolds, etc...things that aren't really that far off the beaten path of what we're taught is "traditional" sexuality. I started by confessing my desire to be spanked. Then he actually did it! And now...well, we've evolved quite a bit, let's say.

Take it slow, be open, honest and sympathetic. A lot of times, people respond more favorably to being sexually adventurous when they feel like it's safe to do so. A lot of the appeal of BDSM, I've found (and I know I'm not alone, here), is the trust it requires...and the understanding, mutual respect, and communication. All sex should be that way, sure, but with BDSM, because you don't really want to damage someone physically, mentally, or emotionally, I feel like you have to be extra sensitive to those components of a sexual relationship. Ease yourself into it, and talk with him. He may not need all that much convincing--you never know!
12/26/2012
Miss L Miss L
Quote:
Originally posted by SilverNarnia
I'm currently with a very vanilla guy, and want to see if he's interested in trying kink. How would you go about it?
I ask how open-minded they are. I try to ask it during a related conversation... say they told me their sister read 50 Shades of Grey.
12/26/2012
wes wes
my girl just ask what type of stuff do u like and what do want to try out?
12/26/2012
novanilla novanilla
Start slow and say something like "I would really enjoy if we tried using handcuffs one time," or something else that's still relatively mainstream and vanilla. Many people, bdsm lovers or not, use bondage. If he reacts well, then keep asking for other things without pushing limits.
12/29/2012
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 5