How do you use safewords when you can't speak?

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How do you use safewords when you can't speak?

Amelia Stone Amelia Stone
Hello all you eden BDSM readers. So my man and I are still new to the rougher side of sex. And I've been learning a lot just by looking at some of the forums and where I've read on other sites. However, I have a question. How on earth do you use safewords when you're gaged or something of the sort. As well as how to tell them if you something is to much or to keep going? William an I have been talking about it a LOT and as much as we like what we do and we enjoy new things. We're both over analytical and I have some fears because I have past issues and he has his own worries. so we want to be sure to have a good safe system so we can play without much worry. Maybe tell me how you handle or would handle this? Thanks!
02/06/2012
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Ryuson Ryuson
Quote:
Originally posted by Amelia Stone
Hello all you eden BDSM readers. So my man and I are still new to the rougher side of sex. And I've been learning a lot just by looking at some of the forums and where I've read on other sites. However, I have a question. How on earth do you ...
I personally would come up with a hand signal or something of the sort, such as holding up only your pinky means stop. It would be hard to do on accident and easy for him to recognize.
02/07/2012
BobbiJay BobbiJay
If your doing it in the dark You should get something that will make a loud sound as it hits the floor or bedside table. Otherwise you could use hand signal or handkerchief. Something that can be seen.
02/07/2012
Ghost Ghost
Definitely a hand signal.
02/07/2012
Destri Destri
Oh yeah, a hand signal is important. And I agree with BobbiJay about having something close at hand that can be knocked off the bed. Safety is IMPORTANT and everything needs to be considered.
02/07/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Something you could drop, a bell you could ring, something you could knock on a specified number of times, a rattle, a squeaky toy type of thing, some other kind of noise maker device. A hand signal is a good idea but something that makes noise would make me feel safer because it couldn't be missed. Something you could do repeatedly would be good because then you could identify a number of times means a certain thing. Ie: if I ring the bell once keep going, twice slow down, three times stop. Maybe one of the hotel counter type bells. Whatever it is, make sure it's in your hand or where you could easily grab it if you're tied up.
02/07/2012
Amelia Stone Amelia Stone
Thanks everyone these are all fantastic!
02/07/2012
Kitka Kitka
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
Something you could drop, a bell you could ring, something you could knock on a specified number of times, a rattle, a squeaky toy type of thing, some other kind of noise maker device. A hand signal is a good idea but something that makes noise would ...
These are all fabulous suggestions and I was going to mention a bell. That's what Daddy and I use when we're playing and I'm gagged and bound.
02/07/2012
Taylor Taylor
I will usually slap my hand against the bed or will snap my fingers so that he hears a noise and will know something is wrong and I need to be ungagged.
02/07/2012
TheSinDoll TheSinDoll
Personally, I've always used a cat toy - the little balls with the bells inside... That way, even if your wrists are bound, you're hooded, blindfolded, gagged or whatnot, you can toss or drop that toy and those bells will ring.

The two of you can decide what that will mean (pause, stop the scene immediately, etc.) - but it's a way to alert someone who otherwise might be clearly in top space and might not notice a hand gesture.

Good luck!
~TSD
02/07/2012
Fishie Princess Fishie Princess
The cool thing about having something to drop as a safeword during bondage play, is that even if you are emotionally feeling fine your body still may need to use that safeword. If the rule is you must hold the ball/bell/whatever the whole time and your hands start to go numb, you will eventually drop the item. So even if you are feeling okay in the scene, it gives your body a way to make it's needs heard too.
02/08/2012
arduous arduous
We actually use one of those dog clickers. The one I use has a wrist strap so I can't drop it, and it's loud enough to get his attention and easy to use.
02/09/2012
KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Amelia Stone
Hello all you eden BDSM readers. So my man and I are still new to the rougher side of sex. And I've been learning a lot just by looking at some of the forums and where I've read on other sites. However, I have a question. How on earth do you ...
Well a BDSM comic I read on dA mentions humming a simple tune or something similar that's easily recognizable as a possible alternative to a safeword when you're gagged. Haven't tried it myself but it seems like it could work if you don't want to try the dropping an item or ringing a bell thing.
02/09/2012
namelesschaos namelesschaos
The various something in your hand ideas other have give are probably best for all the reasons listed but another alternative is to have a signal based around moving your head, i.e. three firm while mumbling "nuh nun nuh" shacks means stop. btw that seems familiar to any one it is the gagged safe-word kink.com uses and that they explain before each scene.
02/09/2012
MimiPhryxus MimiPhryxus
Quote:
Originally posted by Amelia Stone
Hello all you eden BDSM readers. So my man and I are still new to the rougher side of sex. And I've been learning a lot just by looking at some of the forums and where I've read on other sites. However, I have a question. How on earth do you ...
Whilst being restrained in a club during a demonstration with Mistress Fenreya, she told be that because she could not hear a safeword over the music that if I wanted her attention for a safeword or a question to wiggle my fingers.
I did this once...because I was loosing feelings in my hands (I was too short for the restraint set-up and we ended up removing the restraints having me be a good girl and merely hold onto the bars in front of me as the demonstration in impact play continued.
02/10/2012
spineyogurt spineyogurt
Blink morse code
02/16/2012
Amelia Stone Amelia Stone
Quote:
Originally posted by spineyogurt
Blink morse code
BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAH! While funny I'd likely pass out then for he'd never see it. Thanks for the laugh.
02/16/2012
dks210 dks210
Hand signal or finger snap should do the trick.
02/16/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by arduous
We actually use one of those dog clickers. The one I use has a wrist strap so I can't drop it, and it's loud enough to get his attention and easy to use.
This is my favorite idea by far! I've always been hesitate to play gagged because I have a history of breathing problems and the idea of having something obstructing my mouth scares me and combined with not being able to speak terrifies me. None of the other ideas, though I've explored a lot of them, ever made me feel safe enough. But the clicker idea with a wrist strap on it might actually change my mind!
02/19/2012
Phantom2291 Phantom2291
Quote:
Originally posted by Amelia Stone
Hello all you eden BDSM readers. So my man and I are still new to the rougher side of sex. And I've been learning a lot just by looking at some of the forums and where I've read on other sites. However, I have a question. How on earth do you ...
We've found that snapping three times quickly, much like the universal distress signal, gets my attention. So make sure that your hands are free if tied
08/05/2012
Zandrock Zandrock
You just make a signal. For example kink.com uses three sharp consecutive grunts. You could use a hand single. You could shake your head back and forth in a no motion continuously.

A lot of it is also non-verbal. I can tell when my partner is not enjoying something or it is too much and I can stop without a signal. When topping you have to watch.

We use red, green, and yellow as safewords when we can speak. You can do something similar with no words. You can use a yes (up and down head motion) for more. You can use a no head motion for stop.
08/05/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
We use a hand signal. When we play with me gagged, and cuffed, we only use cuffs that I can get out of on my own. That way, I'll be able to let him know if something's wrong. When I'm not gagged, we'll use real cuffs that he needs a key to unlock.
08/05/2012
Leather & Lace Leather & Lace
I have a safe word, but I usually use a hand signal too if I can't speak.
08/05/2012
Katelyn Katelyn
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
Something you could drop, a bell you could ring, something you could knock on a specified number of times, a rattle, a squeaky toy type of thing, some other kind of noise maker device. A hand signal is a good idea but something that makes noise would ...
I agree with noises. Whenever I am about to start a scene, I tell my sub to hit something. Knock on the wall twice or ring a bell. When I am concentrating on flogging or something else I would not notice a pinky up and would not like to have to watch out for it.
08/06/2012
Falsepast Falsepast
Punch him in the balls. I GUARANTEE he will stop
08/06/2012
Total posts: 25
Unique posters: 22