I have absolutely no experience with this...

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I have absolutely no experience with this...

nuclearn!ke nuclearn!ke
... and I need feedback. Bear with me a moment while I explain.

I began a long distance relationship with a guy about a week and a half ago. It started off at a normal pace, but quickly turned into cybering over chat, and him performing on webcam.

In any case, where the BDSM comes in is that he revealed to me that on occasion he likes to dress up in women's clothing and be referred to by a woman's name. Even when he isn't dolled up, he likes to switch between dominant and submissive roles.

He guides me along when he wants me to be dominant, which is fine, but I find I'm still at a loss as to what to say next. He has said that he trusts me implicitly, and that he feels safe in my hands. And while I respect and support his feminine expression, I find I'm not at all aroused by it. I like getting him off, no matter what mood he's in, but I don't know how to tell him without potentially hurting his feelings.

I'm still a little bewildered by my own behavior and needed to vent. So, thoughts? Cautionary tales? Advice on taking on the dominant role? Should I apply the breaks a bit until we're clear of this haze of lust?
11/17/2013
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Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
You mention that you started this relationship long-distance. I am assuming that you haven't met yet. Since you are in a new relationship (less than two weeks), I would be cautious and get to know him better before moving forward. What kind of relationship do you each want.

Get him to tell you what he likes and what his limits are. You also need to be honest about your limits and what you are not sure of. It is better to know up front if you are a good match. If he loves to get dolled up and be dominated and that is a turn off for you, you both need to discuss that. Can he give that up, are you willing to participate if it does nothing for you, etc.

As far as the domination, I would do some research. Get some books, talk to some people who are doms. Find out how he likes to be dominated. Some like to be controlled, some pain/pleasure, some humiliation and some a combination. Does he like to do things in private, public, or go to clubs/parties? Being a dom is way harder than being a sub. You need to be in control of everything because this person is giving you all their trust.

Above all be honest, kind but honest. In the long run, you will not do him any favors by not telling him the truth. "I really like you and am very turned on by you, but I need to let you know that I am just not into you dressing as a woman. Will it be a problem if we do not do that?"
11/20/2013
nuclearn!ke nuclearn!ke
Quote:
Originally posted by Pete's Princess
You mention that you started this relationship long-distance. I am assuming that you haven't met yet. Since you are in a new relationship (less than two weeks), I would be cautious and get to know him better before moving forward. What kind of ...
Thanks for the reply!

I've actually been casual friends with him for several years. He lives a good distance away, but we've met in person on many occasions. He recently declared that he'd had a crush on me for a some time, which got the ball rolling. He just happens to have a really high sex drive and exhibitionist tendencies.

At the moment, we've slowed our pace considerably, in favor of just talking. I will definitely bring up my concerns when the moment arises. And read up on dom/sub dynamics, too.
11/21/2013
Silkyhair4 Silkyhair4
How do you figure out how to safely tie up your partner?
I have searched the web for days, and I'm not really finding anything that truly helps with this. Are there like web sites that teach you how to do these things, or is it a learn as you go kind of thing?
Mar 10, 3:30 am
Total posts: 4
Unique posters: 3