I'm in kind of a weird spot when it comes to BDSM, anybody else feel the same way?

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I'm in kind of a weird spot when it comes to BDSM, anybody else feel the same way?

EnterTheFist EnterTheFist
I was going to make this a poll, but I think it would get way too confusing.

I'm curious about something. Let me start with a little background first.

My girlfriend and I love sex and like to get our BDSM on from time to time. Usually I'm the Dominant, but I enjoy playing the sub quite a bit, too. But here's the thing: while I'm turned on by various methods of being dominated, I don't really find the actual "domination" to be as much of a turn-on. Gosh, does that even make sense? Let me try to elaborate.

I LOVE getting spanked. I also love the idea of getting pegged as well as...well...another thing that's sometimes seen in a D/s setting. But for me, I just like getting spanked, etc. Not so much the whole..."Do as I say...bad boy...beg for it" side of it.

TL;DR I guess what I'm saying is I just like the physical aspect of being the sub, not so much the emotional or control aspects.

Is that weird? Does anybody else feel like that? Is it not even considered being a sub at that point? I've been curious about it for a while now, so I'd love to hear some thoughts about it!
01/07/2012
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Silverdrop Silverdrop
It makes sense, and there's even terminology for it. Topping / Bottoming is the term for inflicting or receiving physical sensations. It can co-exist or not with Domination / Submission, which is the mental aspect. And people can do the D/S thing without doing the sensation or punishment play at all. I'm sure there are couples where one dominates the other mentally, without actually spanking them - maybe sending the sub to time out or forbidding them to masturbate.

You should talk to your partner about it. If it turns your partner on to do the mental domination, and it is merely neutral to you (rather than actively turning you off), then going along with it for your partner's fun is generally considered a good thing. But if it turns out they were only doing it for your sake, and it wasn't doing anything for you, then dropping it completely just allows for more focus on the things you both enjoy.
01/07/2012
EnterTheFist EnterTheFist
Quote:
Originally posted by Silverdrop
It makes sense, and there's even terminology for it. Topping / Bottoming is the term for inflicting or receiving physical sensations. It can co-exist or not with Domination / Submission, which is the mental aspect. And people can do the D/S thing ...
Aaaah, okay, now I get it. And thanks for answering a question I forgot I had! I figured the top/bottom thing came into play but wasn't exactly sure what the difference was between that and D/s. Thanks!
01/07/2012
Katelyn Katelyn
I am kind of the same way. I enjoy spanking and a little bit of naughty talk but I don't really need that emotional control. I find it kind of alkward usually lol : )

Did it work out talking to your parter?
01/07/2012
KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by EnterTheFist
I was going to make this a poll, but I think it would get way too confusing.

I'm curious about something. Let me start with a little background first.

My girlfriend and I love sex and like to get our BDSM on from time to time. ...
I enjoy everything about it myself but what you're describing is actually pretty normal for some. I wouldn't worry about it, just kick back and enjoy each other in whatever way makes you happy. =3
01/07/2012
EnterTheFist EnterTheFist
Quote:
Originally posted by Katelyn
I am kind of the same way. I enjoy spanking and a little bit of naughty talk but I don't really need that emotional control. I find it kind of alkward usually lol : )

Did it work out talking to your parter?
It did, thanks for asking. We're both pretty new to rough sex (especially for her to be spanking and being the dominant one) so it's not like we had any difficulty changing it up a little.

Communication is a wonderful thing, people! thanks for all your input!
01/09/2012
sugar and spice sugar and spice
Quote:
Originally posted by Silverdrop
It makes sense, and there's even terminology for it. Topping / Bottoming is the term for inflicting or receiving physical sensations. It can co-exist or not with Domination / Submission, which is the mental aspect. And people can do the D/S thing ...
This response was helpful for me too. I really enjoy the mental aspect. Thanks for the explanation.
01/09/2012
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 5