I'm scared?!

Sweet-n-sensual Sweet-n-sensual
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Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
04/16/2013
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*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-n-sensual
Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
If you aren't into it an you are scared you need to talk to your husband about how you feel. Layout boundaries on what you are and aren't comfortable with. I am NOT into the BDSM stuff but I like being spanked that is about it so I am not much help. I can say that you need to be open with your husband. If you are willing to give it a try make a safe word so he knows when to stop. Good Luck
04/16/2013
kadelette kadelette
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-n-sensual
Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
You definitely shouldn't be uncomfortable or hurt during such intimate stuff, but perhaps you could try for a compromise? Would you be willing to try some light pain (like spanking, maybe tickle "torture", nipping, etc.)? Has he specified that the type of BDSM he'd like to try is sadism/masochism related?
04/16/2013
eri86 eri86
Do research. There are varying levels of BDSM.

Top/Bottom
Dom/Sub
Master/Slave

Top/bottom being the 'lightest'. But even there is room to find what works for you. It's all about communication.
04/16/2013
Fluke Fluke
BDSM doesn't mean pain. Movies, books and erotic novels tend to talk about the more extreme cases of BDSM because that is what sells.

For me I've only gotten as far as using a blindfold/restraints/f eather tickler and that was pretty crazy hot to me. Most BDSM involves being in control or being the one out of control and that is completely painless if you want it to be.

Someone mentioned a good thing about safe words, I used 'green' when things were good and 'yellow' when things were starting to get crazy that way you never need to go to 'red'. You should be fine and in for a great experience, good luck!
04/16/2013
gsfanatic gsfanatic
It's not irrational to be afraid, BDSM can be pretty intimidating. The first thing is to talk to your husband and say what you're definitely against and maybe against. BDSM also covers being tied up and sensory play (think blindfolds and feathers), it's not just whips and chains.
04/16/2013
charletnarouh charletnarouh
First and foremost: Do some research. The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book (both available on Eden and Amazon and probably bookstores in your area!) are a great place to start. S/M 101 is another good book on the subject. You definitely shouldn't do anything that makes you afraid. A little excited-nervous is fine, it's something new. But truly scared is something else. As others mentioned, there's plenty of aspects of BDSM play that don't involve pain. You definitely need to discuss IN DETAIL what your limits are (literally make lists of what activities you are definitely ok with, which ones you are on the fence about but are willing to try, ones you are curious about and ones you are absolutely against) and he should never do anything to you that you haven't specifically consented to! You need to ok every single new toy and new activity before it comes into play. Safewords are VITAL!

Some very low-key, pain free places to start might be:
-Sensation play (literally anything that can be applied to the skin to create unique sensations, different textures or materials, soft fluffy things, feathers, furs, etc.)
-Temperature play (ice and low melting point candle wax)
-Sensory depravation (ear plugs and blindfolds)
-Light bondage (like silk ties)

Moving up from there, you could add a little light spanking. The impact can be entirely controlled by your partner, starting at nothing more than a little patting and moving up to whenever you want to stop. Sensation play could be heightened by adding lightly scratchy or prickly textures. These things should still be little or no pain depending on how they are applied.

But the most important thing is, you absolutely MUST communicate with your partner or you're going to have a bad time. One of the basic precepts of responsible BDSM is good communication and transparent honesty. You should never, EVER play without those things.
04/16/2013
AshleyDForever AshleyDForever
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-n-sensual
Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
Be honest with your husband, I am sure that he will understand. If you are willing to try then come up with common ground compromises so everyone is in understanding and getting what they want in some way. good luck.
04/23/2013
jr2012 jr2012
I second the people who are mentioning to go for non-pain BDSM first! I love being restrained, and it's not painful at all (unless you are using some bad rope, or pulling WAY too hard!). Blindfolds and sensory play are fun (feathers, ice cubes, fur, even hands) and still "count" as BDSM.

And never underestimate a good leather outfit!
04/23/2013
KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
There's lots of options. Talk to him about his fantasies and use that to build something you aren't afraid of. Others have great ideas on this thread about options, so I won't repeat them.
04/25/2013
gorgeous gorgeous
You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do. You do not have to experience pain for BDSM. You can use very light things for starters.
04/29/2013
harmonygrace harmonygrace
you could always just do whatever to him, he might find that he doesn't like it.
06/11/2013
harvest harvest
BDSM is about communication! Communicate that your needs and dislikes!
06/11/2013
SickOnSin SickOnSin
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-n-sensual
Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
BDSM doesn't have to involve pain. However it does enhance pleasure. Honestly the most turned on I have ever been was after some breast torture. I never once though it hurt or wanted to call a stop to it.

All I can recommend is that you try it and have him start slow. Plus you can always turn the tables on him and tie him up to have your way with him.

Have a safeword where if you use it the play stops NOW. Then have another one where you are like Woah to much back off a bit.

Jaci Burton has a few books Bound to Trust and Demand to Submit that I suggest you read. They are good books and can explain stuff to you that I can't think of how to.

Demand to Submit I don't think has any pain, Bound to Trust has some spanking in it.
06/12/2013
junikki69 junikki69
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-n-sensual
Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
No your not I'm sure he would not want to do something that he knows he would not enjoy
08/16/2013
junikki69 junikki69
Quote:
Originally posted by *Camoprincess*
If you aren't into it an you are scared you need to talk to your husband about how you feel. Layout boundaries on what you are and aren't comfortable with. I am NOT into the BDSM stuff but I like being spanked that is about it so I am not ... More
I totally agree
08/16/2013
Miss Morphine Miss Morphine
If you're uncomfortable communicating, I'd recommend Tristan Taormino's book "Opening Up" for some ideas about how to open conversation about your fears/wants. The book isn't specifically about BDSM, but many of the chapters are applicable to a variety of relationshippy aspects and sex of all kinds.
08/19/2013
LeeBee LeeBee
Tell him that! You can look into some practices that aren't about pain. If you feel up to it, you can start with light bondage like wrist restraints or blindfolds. BDSM doesn't need to be painful, but you shouldn't feel pressured into doing anything.
08/23/2013
Billie Bones Billie Bones
When it comes to sex, if you don't feel like doing something saying no is your right and is not at all irrational.

Like other people have said, there are a bunch of BDSM activities that don't involve pain at all and you might be interested in those. You also might not, and that's fine too.
10/08/2013
h3artsav3r h3artsav3r
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-n-sensual
Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
Communication is KEY. Talk to him and let him know your limits, and what you like. From there you can make an agreement before play, so that nothing outside of your comfort zone is done. Baby steps, it won't happen overnight.
11/05/2013
Thumper Logic Thumper Logic
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-n-sensual
Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
Be honest about what you may be willing to do, and be open about your concerns. If someone truly loves you, they won't push you harder than you want to be pushed.
May 13, 6:07 pm
itismedi itismedi
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-n-sensual
Hubby wants to try some bdsm stuff but I'm honestly a little scared. I don't like pain. I don't want to burst his bubble about it and don't want to seem like a wimp but at the same time I honestly have no desire to get hurt. Am I being irrational?
BDSM is all about trust. If you are afraid then it shouldn't happen. IF you decide to try it out have a frank discussion about what to try and what the limits are. DO NOT go in head first. Maybe he can pull your hair, a few slaps on the behind. IF you do not enjoy it, he will know and then neither of you will have a good. It isn't for everyone.
Jun 4, 9:04 am
anyankaleigh anyankaleigh
I see a lot of people giving good tips for how you can try if you're willing to, and that's great if you want to try that out. However, NONE of this is mandatory. You're not a wimp or a bad partner or anything if you don't want to try BDSM, even the pain-free kind! you are under no obligation to do anything sexual that scares you, not even once.

sometimes being a little scared during a scene is a turn-on for me, and maybe for some other sub-identified people but i think for most it's a negative and very unsexy emotion. being afraid of pain doesn't mean you don't trust your husband as a partner, it just means you don't share his particular kink.

be honest with him! tell him how you've told us- rejection/finding out your fantasy won't come true is never easy, but i am sure he'll value your feelings of safety in your relationship over his kinks
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