Inexperienced Dom

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Inexperienced Dom

charletnarouh charletnarouh
For the submissives, have you ever had a partner who was interested in dominating but inexperienced (where you were more experienced as a sub)? How did you handle the learning curve? I've had a fair amount of experience as a sub, but since my last serious domme I've had a couple of partners who were interested in dominating, specifically spanking, flogging, paddling, or otherwise hitting me with an implement. I'm inclined to this type of activity but it takes a certain amount of skill and knowledge on the part of the domme. How do I teach or instruct a domme how to do these types of things without actually instructing them because that obscures the feeling that they are in control if i've taught them how to be so. Or should I only play with experienced dommes? But then if I meet someone and like them in all other ways, my preference is to get my submissive fix from my partner. So how to remedy this situation? Recommend a book? Video? Other type of instruction?
02/19/2012
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sugar and spice sugar and spice
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
For the submissives, have you ever had a partner who was interested in dominating but inexperienced (where you were more experienced as a sub)? How did you handle the learning curve? I've had a fair amount of experience as a sub, but since my ...
My bf and I recently did something recommended in "The New Topping Book" for those learning to do impact play. He tells me how many blows I will receive and I ask for each on a 1-10 scale with one being a light little slap and ten being really hard. "Please, Sir, may I have a 1 (or a 5 or a 10)?"

It helped me to show him how to space blows, warm me up before harder blows, etc. without me feeling like I was running the show.
02/20/2012
Roz W Roz W
Would it be ok for you to share your knowledge outside of a play/bedroom session?
Otherwise there's book like SM 101 (and books vs. other types of instruction depends on that individual's learning style). A considerate partner should care about Doing It Right.
02/27/2012
Ciao. Ciao.
There are definitely plenty of books out there which is a great place to start, and I would think having some of those conversations ahead of time to really get you both in a space where you feel comfortable would be really good. You could also have the partner (if you're both comfortable with it) correspond with other more experienced Dom/Dommes in other relationships. I am sure that there would be others out there who could offer advice.
02/27/2012
TheSinDoll TheSinDoll
These are all great answers. I would suggest getting involved in your local community and see if there's any D-type that yours connects with as a mentor or just as someone to ask questions to and maybe get a few tips from.


Good Luck!
02/27/2012
MimiPhryxus MimiPhryxus
I think talking outside of the bedroom/scene is recommended but something I definitely recommend is maybe working with other Doms.
TheSinDoll mentioned mentor and I advise that as well.

I started out as a sub but just opened up to my Switch self / Domme side and thankfully I have 2 Dominant people to teach me and a submissive to practice on >.<

I hope it all works out for you ^_^ Good luck
02/27/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
Good luck to you.
02/27/2012
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
The New Topping book is great. I would also recommend joining FetLife, too. I love the site- you can learn a lot about the lifestyle when you sift through the assholes and bullshit.
02/27/2012
Katelyn Katelyn
I dom and have been with sub partners who are more experienced. As a dom it is important to be safe with your sub, your job is to make an environment for them. I have had a sub suggest things and have attended workshops with subs.

I think talking to your dom and seeing how open they are to improvement is important. Don't just dump them but see how flexible they are with change.
03/31/2012
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 9