Is Anyone here like me new to the BDSM world?

Sweet-Justice Sweet-Justice
I'm interested in getting into BDSM with my fiance, I'm just curious if I'm the only one that knows only a few of the basics.(Safety/fetishe s etc.)
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I know all the tricks of the trade
Kayla , DeliciousSurprise , Sir , J's Alley , queertastic , DustBunny , RosesThorns , Destri , Mocha98 , dv8 , Angel deSanguine , Isreah , kinky dude , (Re)tired Stripper , padmeamidala , Darkness Withinus , Lady Neshamah , potstickers , ScarlettSeraph , Vanessa Weiss
20  (14%)
I know some of the Basics
Sweet-Justice , Naughty Student , Tart , BexvanKoot , leatherlover , ToyGeek , Sexymami69 , 4everHorny , LavenderSkies , moonlitlilly , Akanzi , Lio , Lady Marmelade , LadyAurora , Mistress M. , ellejay , gladiola , lucymalfoy , k3 , CantankerousUnagi , bluekaren , Sohotdinosaur , yoham45 , stlouisxxx , AussieSarah , kendra30752 , Donord , MaryExy , NarcissisticLust , toxie m , Miss Naughty Kitty , Noira Celestia , Errant Venture , haley730 , Miss Morphine , Veracity , hall5885 , woodsdragon , MidnightStorm , AnnMorette , gsfanatic , XYCopperheadSly , Miss Lissy , sktb0007 , little miss kinky , thekindthorn , All His , xOhxSoxScandalousx , Strider , Violet October , Genderfree , Dear Ruby
52  (37%)
I'm practicaly a BDSM Virgin.
Waterfall , cherryredhead88 , Selective Sensualist , Love Buzz , Lady Venus , SexyTabby , Coralbell , trios , Alegria , sbon , The Nakanas , deletedd , snowchick2113 , Armsjlove , LikeSunshineDust , KnK , StrawberryEve , pinkcupcakes , Kindred , THE PEAK , danila , HoneyHoney , SexyKitteh , vegan.guy , Taylor , AngelicaU , *Ashley* , guy4guyz420 , ❦Angel Of Music❦ , charip , girl next door , mariedoll , PiratePrincess , softcoeur , newfoundlust , The Curious Couple , babypinecone , lolsos , Bonesdance , zracer , uu , Cedarlooman , Nando , ac0313 , Judas Iscars , Pnutbuttatoast , Reyes , Kdlips , kvisnirskitten , zeebot , Ivy Wilde , Sabrinna , NuclearTeapot , lanky , miss-miss , Eva Schwaltz , l'amour , sumie , systematicweasel , Sally Forth , meezerosity , sexxxkitten , Sundae Sparkles , Envoutes , anon195 , amenti , Missy27
67  (48%)
Total votes: 139
Poll is closed
10/19/2010
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Waterfall Waterfall
I do want to learn/try more things though
10/19/2010
cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-Justice
I'm interested in getting into BDSM with my fiance, I'm just curious if I'm the only one that knows only a few of the basics.(Safety/fetishe s etc.)
The most I have gotten into BDSM is tied up, spanked, choked and dirty talk. Just got my first flogger recently. But that is about all I will be doing until my quest for a FWB is successful!

I still love it though...
10/20/2010
TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
I know more than the basics but no one out there knows all the tricks of the trade. If they do, they are bullshitting you and themselves.
10/20/2010
Persephone Nightmare Persephone Nightmare
Quote:
Originally posted by TitsMcScandal
I know more than the basics but no one out there knows all the tricks of the trade. If they do, they are bullshitting you and themselves.
/agree, lol. Well said
10/20/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Well, I couldn't vote. I'm not a "virgin" but I know more than the absolute basics, but would not consider myself to know "all the tricks of the trade."

My Man and I practice more of a Dom/Sub relationship than straight S&M. It's more about Power Dynamics and Consensual Forced Power Play and a lot of psychological interaction, than a lot of Impact Play or extremely painful techniques.

I'm not going to go into all the details right now, but we do everything from "sweet sex" what I would consider "making love" to consensual "force," light to moderate bondage, nasty talk (mmmm) Ravishment Play, Double Penetration, "airtight" penetration (triple penetration) candle wax play (soy only please, I don't want to be branded) certain types of "training" (I'm about to start a waist training regimen, as we use interesting and sometimes restrictive clothing etc in some of our play, and I NEED the waist training) are looking into a nice pair of nipple clamps, as well as other things. And Some of it, but not all of it, carries over into our every day life.

My Man is a natural Alpha Male, I'm a smart mouthed brat, and a happy Sub who fights tooth and nail. But, still expects my Dom to support me, Love and honor me, while I am usually happy to Love, Honor and Cherish him and submit to his Will on many activities as well as every day decisions. Our relationship is long term (several decades together) and has a lot of teasing, playfulness, and very frequent sexual encounters.

I would in no case call myself an expert, nor do I nor my partner know all the trick of the trade. There is always more to learn. We do what works for us, sometimes nearly vanilla sex, sometimes intricately planned sceneing. It depends on what we want.

We know some stuff, but aren't "experts." Our brand of D/S play may be very different than some other people's play, or similar to others, but it's all ours and we continue to learn and play hard.

Good question, though.
10/20/2010
Kayla Kayla
Quote:
Originally posted by TitsMcScandal
I know more than the basics but no one out there knows all the tricks of the trade. If they do, they are bullshitting you and themselves.
I agree with this statement though I voted as such since it was the obvious "experienced" answer.
10/20/2010
Sir Sir
I do not know everything, but I am extremely well-versed and experienced.
10/20/2010
ToyGeek ToyGeek
I've read a fair bit on the topic, but I have zero practical experience. Well, aside from my leather repair skills, which I'm happy enough to share here, but came by in a completely different realm.
10/20/2010
Sweet-Justice Sweet-Justice
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Well, I couldn't vote. I'm not a "virgin" but I know more than the absolute basics, but would not consider myself to know "all the tricks of the trade."

My Man and I practice more of a Dom/Sub relationship than ... More
That's what I'm looking for. If only there was a D/S school where we could go learn and play/ :3 Thank you for your response, it was very helpful ^^
10/20/2010
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I do not know everything, but I am extremely well-versed and experienced.
Agreed...I don't know everything, I am not sure there is even a place to end in knowledge. But I know a whole lot more than I should.
10/20/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-Justice
That's what I'm looking for. If only there was a D/S school where we could go learn and play/ :3 Thank you for your response, it was very helpful ^^
You can have a mentor within the community, someone to teach you about things, show you how it's done, how to use implements and what to expect, expose you to different aspects of it.
10/20/2010
RosesThorns RosesThorns
Ok, I put "I know all of the tricks of the trade" But lets face it, there is ALWAYS more to learn!
11/02/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
I'm reading a book I just received from Eden called The New Bottoming Book (it has a companion, called, predictably The New Topping Book.)

This book has me nodding and agreeing most of the time and other times going, "Oh, wow, why didn't we think of that." It encompasses a lot of the psychological aspects of D/S, M/s and BD and S&M Play, along with physical and psychic wings of the Lifestyle.

Although I am only a few chapters through it (today I had to vote, run errands, and then write AND record a video for a new product) I think it would be great for anyone who is new to the Lifestyle or someone who knows a lot, but just wants a refresher course.

The Bottoming Book sold by Eden
11/02/2010
MissApple MissApple
Quote:
Originally posted by TitsMcScandal
I know more than the basics but no one out there knows all the tricks of the trade. If they do, they are bullshitting you and themselves.
Well said!
11/02/2010
MissApple MissApple
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-Justice
I'm interested in getting into BDSM with my fiance, I'm just curious if I'm the only one that knows only a few of the basics.(Safety/fetishe s etc.)
I haven't really read up on anything (although I think I may start doing so with the many BDSM related books on here). Most of what I learned I've done so though experience and outings in the local community.
11/02/2010
SexyTabby SexyTabby
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
You can have a mentor within the community, someone to teach you about things, show you how it's done, how to use implements and what to expect, expose you to different aspects of it.
Sir, where is information about a mentor in this aspect found?
11/02/2010
Destri Destri
I have been living a BDSM life for over 10 years now. Live it 24/7. I agree that a Mentor is a good thing to have. You could look around reviewers here that review BDSM gear or who are active in the BDSM thread. You can also go to a couple of websites that are devoted to BDSM and look around for someone experienced that you respect. Good luck!
11/03/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I have been living a BDSM life for over 10 years now. Live it 24/7. I agree that a Mentor is a good thing to have. You could look around reviewers here that review BDSM gear or who are active in the BDSM thread. You can also go to a couple of ... More
The Mentor approach works well for a lot of people. Also, some people, who are already in dedicated monogamous relationships (some) may find that re-assessing their relationship and it's dynamics, sussing out WHO has what role, and being honest with oneself and one's partner about the underlying Dominance and Submissive aspects of your personalities is very important.

I think every relationship has a power dynamic. I think few, if any, have 50/50 power balances. Most people NEVER investigate the dynamic of their relationship, because they are scared by what they might discover, they think it's "sexist," they are terrified of either giving up some control, or taking control, and they don't understand how to balance this Power Dynamic of an already established relationship with how they outwardly relate to each other. Some people "believe" so strongly that a relationship CAN BE 50/50 will never admit to their dynamic, and many suffer from this lack of insight. maryjane, I applaud you for starting the inward work, with your partner, in acknowledging and acting on a dynamic that has been there since the day you met!

While some may seek what they need, either information, direction or even partners outside their own bedrooms, many of us who already were IN long term relationships needed to work very hard to address the already present, but not acknowledge aspects of Power in their relationship.

While some people do VERY well with a Mentor, some couples find that exploring their changing Dynamic INSIDE the relationship works well for them.

While My Man and I have discussed getting involved in the Play Party Couple Lifestyle or even visiting some BD gatherings, nearly all of our work has been inside the already established relationship.

For us, this works. We were already comfortable with each other, and realizing the Power Dynamic and then addressing it, without leaving home or bringing other people into it works the best for us. My Man have more of a D/S-B&D relationship than an M/s or even a S&M set up. It works for us, and we didn't feel the need for anyone else in our life at this point. Other people work with a Mentor and learn a lot, often very quickly. We feel taking it slower and doing it ourselves to be the best course for us. But, what works for us may NOT work for and other couple or an other person.

As always, Your Mileage May Vary. You have to delve deeply into your relationship to see which strategy will work best for you.
11/03/2010
StrawberryEve StrawberryEve
I'm pretty much a newbie too, but I have a tiny bit of personal experience and practice in it. There are many books on my wishlist though.
11/26/2010
KnK KnK
I've only been exposed to playing in the BDSM playground since....hmmm....March or April?

But, I'm interested in exploring more of it. I've been on my own for a few months. I've been relying on the toys a lot more
11/26/2010
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
I'm in the middle
11/26/2010
Lady Venus Lady Venus
i AM a BDSM virgin! I like a little hair pulling and butt spankings but that's about it.
11/26/2010
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
The Mentor approach works well for a lot of people. Also, some people, who are already in dedicated monogamous relationships (some) may find that re-assessing their relationship and it's dynamics, sussing out WHO has what role, and being honest ... More
P'Gell,
Right on! After reading your posts I was a little freaked out because if I didn't know better I would have thought you were describing mine and my husband's dynamic to a tee. We have discussed attending BD gatherings, but agree that we are the only two in the relationship and that is the way we'd like to keep it. Not that I particularly want to scene in that environment anyway; however, I am a voyeur at heart. (Afterall, I am from the "Show Me State").

I have been going back and forth on the Bottoming Book for quite sometime. Maybe it would give me some new ideas. OK you convinced me. It is finally in the cart.
01/20/2011
Angel deSanguine Angel deSanguine
I don't know 'all the tricks of the trade' but I have a lot of experience with BDSM...
01/20/2011
Isreah Isreah
I do not know everything, and honestly I do not trust anyone who thinks that they know everything. I do, however, know quite a bit about the BDSM lifestyle.
01/21/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
P'Gell,
Right on! After reading your posts I was a little freaked out because if I didn't know better I would have thought you were describing mine and my husband's dynamic to a tee. We have discussed attending BD gatherings, but ... More
Cool! It's a great book. I wish it went into dedicated long term relationships more. But, all in all, it's a great psychological base for one's power dynamic relationship.

I'm glad you and your husband have done and are still investigating the dynamic. Relationships take on a life of their own, and I think it's only wise to be aware of the changes, the interplay, the exchanges, and even the less than "PC" pieces of every relationship.

01/27/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Cool! It's a great book. I wish it went into dedicated long term relationships more. But, all in all, it's a great psychological base for one's power dynamic relationship.

I'm glad you and your husband have done and are still ... More
I began reading it last night. So far very interesting.
01/27/2011
LadyAurora LadyAurora
I'm just starting out. Well, have been for about a year. I'm not steeped in it. I'm learning a bit at a time. My hubby has had leanings and worked with others in the past, but he hasn't pushed me at all. I'm finding things very stimulating. But it's definitely a life learning path from what I have seen.
01/29/2011
vegan.guy vegan.guy
I just got a set of Sports Cuffs . . . that's basically the extent of my bdsm experience. lol
02/05/2011
Total posts: 66
Unique posters: 59