Is "no" a safeword?

Contributor: Gdom Gdom
I completely respect the fact that "no" absolutely means no in non-BDSM contexts, but since my sub and I occasionally do resistance play (bordering on consensual non-consent at times), "no" just doesn't work for us. I understand "only saying no when you damn well mean it," but even in non-resistance scenarios, my sub will occasionally blurt out a "no!" (in the same way that she might yell "ow!" after an unexpectedly hard spank). However, if we haven't explicitly discussed doing resistance play for a particular session and I hear a string of repeated "no"s, I'll slow down and check in just to make sure (after all, it's not impossible for someone to forget a safe word).
07/17/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I think No can be your safe word if you establish it with your partner first. I understand what others are saying by No shouldn't be the safe word and it makes sense for them. However, if you have talked to your partner and said NO means NO, so NO is my safe word. Then it's a pretty good word to pick. Personally, no is my safe word. No means NO and if I have things going on that I don't want; the first thing I am going to say is NO! So, to me it's a great safe word. But if you have the type of relationship were no doesn't mean no, then I would pick something else.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Voluptuous Vamp Voluptuous Vamp
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm a submissive, and damn proud of it but I tend to never have to establish a safeword. In my book, no is ALWAYS no. I'm all for having fun and even resisting but my Dominant needs to be aware that I will only say no if I damn-well mean it. ... more
For me it would have to be a different word to stop the play as for me "no" can actually mean "yes" when it comes to playing with my dom. So the safeword we use is "red", like a traffic light... if I want it harder or more of it, then I'll use "green", haven't really used much of "green" though.

However if my dom and I were to establish the fact that "no" is the safeword then he would respect that as the safeword, but we never use "no" as a safeword.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Experiment Experiment
Quote:
Originally posted by Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
"No" is on general a really bad safe word. My partner and I picked one that would normally never be said during sex or play: "cookies". Also, the BDSM group I play with has a pre-established safe word system. If a dom should ever ... more
That's actually a really good system
07/18/2012
Contributor: clp clp
'No' is not a safeword for me. A big part of why I go into d/s scenes is to explore very dark, personal territory and that includes graphic language, crying, and repeatedly saying 'no'.
If you are in a safe playspace, this needs to be discussed. This is the only ONLY time that 'no' doesn't mean No (only after careful negotiation, and only during a scene).

I'll chime in again, I recommend the stoplight safewords. Check in with your partner periodically, with the words 'green' to continue, 'yellow' to pause/reframe and 'red' for an all out, immediate stop. If you are bound and unable to speak, holding up 1, 2 or 3 fingers for a specific amount of time (three pulses, five seconds, etc). Its important to be able to steer a scene if it starts to turn before you even have to hit the eject button. Having to stop a scene is a failure of communication on both partner's sides; a medium-level safeword can help prevent that from happening.
07/18/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm a submissive, and damn proud of it but I tend to never have to establish a safeword. In my book, no is ALWAYS no. I'm all for having fun and even resisting but my Dominant needs to be aware that I will only say no if I damn-well mean it. ... more
In my bedroom NO means no. The thing is if a play partner says no then all activity stops and we figure out what went wrong. That's when the cuddle time starts.
07/18/2012
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Princess-Kayla ♥
I don't think that "no" should ever be a safeword. Sometimes when you just say no, you don't really mean it. Or it's not as easy to hear. That's the whole point of safewords, I think.
This.
07/18/2012
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by Princess-Kayla ♥
I don't think that "no" should ever be a safeword. Sometimes when you just say no, you don't really mean it. Or it's not as easy to hear. That's the whole point of safewords, I think.
I agree. I don't see "no" as a suitable safeword.
07/19/2012
Contributor: SkylarrStarr SkylarrStarr
I think that NO is too common of a word to use, and can be taken out of context to easily in the heat of the moment. I would use something very uncommon like Tube Socks or Spaghetti...something that would not be used at all in a sexual situation.
07/19/2012
Contributor: Vii Vii
I think a safe word should be distinct and easily recognizable to ensure an almost instant stop to anything that's uncomfortable or potentially dangerous.
07/19/2012
Contributor: L&P3040 L&P3040
I don't think it makes a good word. It's to easy to say. But if that's the word that you want to use then it's your decision to use it.
07/19/2012
Contributor: Nick816 Nick816
"No" is a safeword if no other safeword has been established. If you plan on saying "no" or "stop" during a scene, be sure your partner knows you're not withdrawing consent. Talk about safewords first, and always be respectful of whoever you're with.
07/27/2012
Contributor: spineyogurt spineyogurt
it shouldnt be
07/27/2012
Contributor: xcapricax xcapricax
No should never be a safe word because its fun to say no and have the dom keep going.
07/27/2012
Contributor: ScarletFox ScarletFox
For me it is certainly not a safeword, only because I have a habit of actually saying it during scenes when I am not in my head the word tends to come out of me when I am being pushed but its not a 'oh god this is too much or no I don't want this' kind of push. So we use something I would never ever say no matter what the context of the scene.
07/30/2012
Contributor: geekkink geekkink
It is iffy territory, My sub is bratty she says no all the time, however as a dom I feel it's my job to know when No certainly does mean no. If you've crossed over the line badly you can't expect a person to remember their safe word.
07/30/2012
Contributor: xxjoel xxjoel
It CAN be, but you should be careful that it's so commonly used in normal conversation. ("Did you do your chores today?" "No...") I don't have an official safeword because I don't often do play that needs one and my partner is very sensitive to my nonverbal cues, but most will respond to red and yellow.
08/03/2012
Contributor: SmutGeek SmutGeek
I think it depends on your play and your dynamic.

Our safeword is always RED because its very commonly used and the only safeword used at the play parties we attend.

We do some consensual non-consent sometimes and no definitely does not mean no in those situations.

But its not for everybody.
08/03/2012
Contributor: Phantom2291 Phantom2291
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm a submissive, and damn proud of it but I tend to never have to establish a safeword. In my book, no is ALWAYS no. I'm all for having fun and even resisting but my Dominant needs to be aware that I will only say no if I damn-well mean it. ... more
I've run into my sub saying no when I went to move onto something different, and it made me freak out and stop all together. I think establishing a stronger word, say STOP is much better.
08/04/2012
Contributor: CoffeeCup CoffeeCup
I'm a dominant and have been into bdsm for almost ten years. I've never had an established safeword with any of my subs. I also have always taken a long time to get to know my subs and very slowly work up to harder play. I'm not truly comfortable pushing limits until I can tell just by looking at them where they are emotionally.

As a dominant I am not comfortable with the idea of no meaning anything other than no.

Of course, part of what I like is that they like me doing these things and being in control. An indicator that they aren't enjoying my control would kind of be a turn off, I think.


Maybe that makes me sound like a wussy Domme, but trust me, I have brought many a man to tears!
08/04/2012