kinky ladies....helpful suggestions?

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kinky ladies....helpful suggestions?

sugar and spice sugar and spice
I'm in a new relationship. I'm kinky and submissive. He's vanilla, but has been open-minded and willing to try some light bondage and spanking with me. I would like to gently encourage him to explore this more with me, but I don't want to "top from the bottom" so to speak. Have any ladies out there been in a similar situation? How did you encourage your partner to explore this more with you?
07/31/2011
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sugar and spice sugar and spice
After I wrote the title for this one, I thought, "Hmmm, I probably should have said kinky ladies and gentlemen, as I'm sure some male perspective would be valuable here too." Regardless of your gender or if you are Dom/sub/switch, if you have some advice that you think would be helpful, it will be appreciated. : )
07/31/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by sugar and spice
After I wrote the title for this one, I thought, "Hmmm, I probably should have said kinky ladies and gentlemen, as I'm sure some male perspective would be valuable here too." Regardless of your gender or if you are Dom/sub/switch, if ...
I would say to start simple with things like the silky love sashes or Our First Bondage Kit (you can read my review on it for more info. it's great).

I'd suggest talking to him before you get into play. Tell him what you want him to do to you, that way, you're not "talking him through it" the whole time.

I was originally more of a sub before my current lover (who just happens to be a sub as well). I started experimenting on him which made him want to do it to me more. You never know, once he tries it, he may find out he really likes it.

The key here, and with any other bondage/kink, it to make sure you have a good amount of comminucation.
07/31/2011
babypinecone babypinecone
Quote:
Originally posted by sugar and spice
I'm in a new relationship. I'm kinky and submissive. He's vanilla, but has been open-minded and willing to try some light bondage and spanking with me. I would like to gently encourage him to explore this more with me, but I don't ...
Hahahah, I was in the exact same situation with my man about 7 months ago, and I talked him into getting some of the japanese bondage rope, and a dvd to learn how to use the rope. It was the best thing ever, and it put him in charge. Now he is getting us surprises like crops and spreader bars, and new floggers and nipple clamps. I think that that helped for us. But I am not sure if it was because I was his first and could sway his decision or if he was really into it to begin with.

I wish you luck with your man
07/31/2011
newlady newlady
One thing I found that helped, was to write a "story" to let him know what I wanted. I've done this a few times and it works well. Now he explores and reads things on his own on the internet and his imagination is getting much better, as well as his understanding of what exactly his 'role' is. If I want to try something different he's not thought of yet or whatever, I just write him a new story. (In fact, this is one of the tasks he will give me to do at times.) We have separate e-mails we talk through with our dominant(Him) and submissive(me) sides in regard to this play. It adds to the excitement and mailing back and forth through the day really intensifies the build up! Lots of encouragement and positive reinforcement is important too; communication. have fun!
08/01/2011
sugar and spice sugar and spice
Thanks for the tips, ladies!

Keep them coming! I'm glad to hear others have been successful in this situation
08/01/2011
Madeira Madeira
Quote:
Originally posted by sugar and spice
I'm in a new relationship. I'm kinky and submissive. He's vanilla, but has been open-minded and willing to try some light bondage and spanking with me. I would like to gently encourage him to explore this more with me, but I don't ...
There's a really good article on BDSM for Nice Guys (just google it) that might help him get over his vanillaness a bit.
08/02/2011
sugar and spice sugar and spice
Quote:
Originally posted by Madeira
There's a really good article on BDSM for Nice Guys (just google it) that might help him get over his vanillaness a bit.
Madeira,

I just looked at the article. If anyone else is interested, you can find it here link

It looks super helpful. I will share it with my man.
08/03/2011
Love Bites Love Bites
Yeah, we don't have the sub/dom relationship, but my mom has taught me about the lifestyle, and I am kinky with my lover, so I thought I'd give my opinion too. When I want to try something with my lover but don't want to be pushy, I write to him about my fantasys, about things that turn me on and that I'd like to try. That leaves the choice to him but also gives him insight. When we met, he was inexperienced sexually, just into bondage and learning about sex toys, but he has been open to trying anything at least once, and its turned out wonderfully. Anyway, my advice is to do the same, just write him a nice letter or note about the things you may want to try so its his choice but lets him know you're open to it~
08/03/2011
SomeGirl SomeGirl
My boyfriend is vanilla. Never even considered kink before he met me. I started him out by watching Secretary; which facilitated a discussion about what I find hot, what I like, what I don't like, what I want to try, etc.

He has been very receptive to trying things out, and he is actually finding that he enjoys it quite a bit. He tells me what he really enjoys doing to me, what he doesn't like, what he finds hot, etc.

So far, it's been going good and we're having a lot of fun.
08/03/2011
Vanessa Weiss Vanessa Weiss
Many of my previous partners were not kink inclined.

The best way to introduce a little kink In your relationship is to try it going both ways, if your partner is receptive! Take turns trying out new (to him) things - tie him up, let him tie you up, and have fun with it. Making it so that you're both active participants on both ends of the spectrum can take a lot of the "newness" out of the equation!
08/04/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by sugar and spice
I'm in a new relationship. I'm kinky and submissive. He's vanilla, but has been open-minded and willing to try some light bondage and spanking with me. I would like to gently encourage him to explore this more with me, but I don't ...
Honestly, if you guy is not familiar with Kink, you may have to Top from the Bottom until he gets the idea. There's nothing wrong with that. He's learning.
08/04/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Vanessa Weiss
Many of my previous partners were not kink inclined.

The best way to introduce a little kink In your relationship is to try it going both ways, if your partner is receptive! Take turns trying out new (to him) things - tie him up, let him tie ...
But, people who are strongly sub or strongly Dom aren't going to be able to do this.

I know My Man couldn't sub for anything. And, I have absolutely no desire to Dom during sex. The OP said she was kinky and sub, so her Domming her bf wouldn't work, as it wouldn't be honest.

There are some people who are able to switch, but many simply cannot.
08/04/2011
Vanessa Weiss Vanessa Weiss
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
But, people who are strongly sub or strongly Dom aren't going to be able to do this.

I know My Man couldn't sub for anything. And, I have absolutely no desire to Dom during sex. The OP said she was kinky and sub, so her Domming her bf ...
That's true. Some people will not be able to switch well enough to get this exercise to work - I was thinking of it more as an exercise and in a "showing him" rather than "telling him" kind of way. I guess it just seemed as though the original poster was looking more for advice on how to get him comfortable with topping her.

It's very, very difficult to be an actual sub (rather than a bottom) to someone who is vanilla - they will and can go through the motions, sometimes to great effect and with pleasure, but the mental "need" to be the dominant isn't there - and that's really something that you need in a partner if you want to submit rather than just be the bottom.

I think maybe I wasn't clear enough.

Additionally - in my previous relationships, where we had to sort of "add some kink for fun," (mostly because I am deeply, deeply kinky, heh) it was fun and it was satisfying to a degree, but it never had the same effect as being with someone who is "wired that way."
08/04/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Vanessa Weiss
That's true. Some people will not be able to switch well enough to get this exercise to work - I was thinking of it more as an exercise and in a "showing him" rather than "telling him" kind of way. I guess it just seemed as ...
I agree, if he can't cultivate a truly dominant role in the relationship, and enjoy it, it's all smoke and mirrors and won't satisfy either one of them. Which is why I suggested Topping from the Bottom. Kind of the same idea, while still staying in the sub role.
08/04/2011
Vanessa Weiss Vanessa Weiss
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I agree, if he can't cultivate a truly dominant role in the relationship, and enjoy it, it's all smoke and mirrors and won't satisfy either one of them. Which is why I suggested Topping from the Bottom. Kind of the same idea, while still ...
Yeah, exactly.
08/04/2011
sugar and spice sugar and spice
P'Gell and Vanessa Jade,

You make some important points. I'm sort of treading in new territory here. I totally get what you are saying about being the bottom vs. the sub in this situation since my guy is sort of agreeing to play top, but isn't into being dominant the way I'm into being submissive.

My only previous experience with bdsm was with a Dominant man. He enjoyed being Dominant and I enjoyed being submissive. It was an intense and wonderful dynamic.

I have just recently confirmed that, yeah, I really like giving up control in the bedroom in a pretty big way. This is my first relationship since then. I'm kind of wondering what do with that knowledge now.
08/05/2011
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 9