Negotiation before play.. do you always do it?

My partner pays attention to my reactions, so he can tell when to stop. If he does happen to go too far, I tell him I don't like it and he changes what he's doing. We're very good at communication, so negotiating beforehand isn't always necessary.

we discuss, but sometimes the things we do are just in the moment. and if it's too much or we are uncomfortable, we are able to speak up. it's not a big deal to us

Not always. Usually never beyond a base plan, actually; spontaneity is a big part of things.

In an ideal world I would have little negotiation and just a safeword. I imagine I'd have talked about my limits with my partner long before play began.

I had one partner who had no negotiation and it was the most amazing experience ever for me. Ravishment/takedown play without negotiating is awesome. The only other partner I've done that sort of thing with is way too timid about it to not negotiate.

We have been together for 18 years. We are monogamous and trust each other; there is no need for negotiation in our minds. We know eachother's hard limits. We enjoy being spontaneous, allowing the other party to explore, experience and get off. We both love ravishment play and find the thought of negotiating it, would ruin it.

Rarely. I don't feel like we have too.

I do, yes. Though that probably because, since we're apart, we have to be very flexible with things.

Not very often...kills the spontaneity.

If we're going to do something new or different, we negotiate it at least a little if it's outside our comfort zone. If it's something that we've done before, then we usually just keep doing it the way we had before.

It is nice to talk if you want something specifically done to you, but it is nice to have surprises as well.

Never really thought about it, maybe we do sometimes, albeit subconciously

I play with my hubby so no, we don't. He knows my safe word will only come out if it's meant.

If we're trying something new or relatively new, we'll discuss things and negotiate beforehand (although I'm not sure I like the term "negotiate"; it implies that there are two opposed parties lobbying for an outcome closer to each one's mutually exclusive objectives--anyway, putting that aside...). If it's something we have more experience with, we rarely go through the motions of discussing limits and the like again, since we're both well aware of what those are by now. And, of course, we have a safeword just in case someone crosses a line.

Rarely.

We've been together ten years and we have a safe word so unless its something new no negotiations needed. I like surprises!

I think it's a good idea to negotiate every time. Avoids, y'know, traumatizing your partner.

As to whether or not it's sexy to negotiate? Maybe it is for some people, but I still maintain you should do it anyway. But also, if you don't think your lover murmuring all the things they want to do to you in graphic detail and asking what you want is sexy, you and I have very different ideas.

I'm in a committed and monogamous relationship, so I don't have to introduce new people and find out what their boundaries are. Hubby and I do discuss what he is comfy with because he is new to BDSM. (I don't think he self-identifies with this kink. It's mine.) I think, though, that once we've established what he likes and what I like most, we'll only revisit boundaries occasionally.

Hardly ever unless we're trying something new than we sometimes do. It really depends I guess on how "extreme" whatever it is we tend to do. But than again we tend to be very in the moment and not know what we'll be doing.

We don't negotiate certain things. We both know things like I love being spanked, so that is something that is always okay. If it isn't for some reason, then I will say beforehand "I don't really want to be hit at all today." But that's just for regular sex that has bdsm elements to it, like pinning and such.

However, if we're acting out a scene with a story and some elaborate resistance, like a kidnapping, that we negotiate beforehand.

You can set basic boundaries for a relationship, including which activities are always OK, and which require asking first.

ON acasion we do but most of the time we dont.

I always negotiate boundaries before playing with new partners because there are certain things that I know trigger me. While playing, I check in frequently ("Is this okay? Do you like that?" etc.) and communicate when I like or don't like what's happening. I want to get better at negotiating with long-term partners... that's more challenging for me, for some reason. Thanks for the great discussion.

Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. I'm always with the same partner. And sometimes....we just go with the moment.

We know how to read each other and definitely talk while we're playing to let the other know where we're at and what we want.

Other.

With my regular partners, we do not negotiate every time. We negotiated early on in the relationship that certain things are okay to do all the time, some need warning in case I'm in a bad headspace for them, and some are off limits. Whenever one of us wants to try something that we did NOT negotiate, then we ask and see which of those three categories it belongs in.

With people I'm not regular partners with yes, I negotiate every time. Too many bad experiences with people who like to take liberties.

Besides, I actually don't think it spoils the mood all the time. Sometimes talking about things that we're planning to do is half of the fun--gets us all wound up anticipating.

Edit: Should throw in, it helps when you're deciding how often to negotiate to know how able you are to safeword when stressed. Some folks freeze up and panic and then can't get safewords out--for those people, negotiation and check-ins during the scene are super important. If you have no hesitations safewording though, then it's possible to be more lax.

I try to negotiate with him first. We're both very passive and if there's no talking about things first, it'll be very awkward.

Sometimes we do, sometimes we do not.