New to BDSM - any suggestions?

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New to BDSM - any suggestions?

Sex Positivity Sex Positivity
I've always been incredibly interested in being a submissive, but my boyfriend absolutely hates the idea. He knows I have an extensive history of sexual trauma and he doesn't want to trigger me and make me go into flashbacks, but I really just want him to take control of me.

Any ideas as to how I can get him to try?
04/01/2012
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Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Communication is key. Tell him that you really want to do this, and if something happens to trigger you that it's not his fault. I'm sure he doesn't want to feel guilty and he definitely doesn't want to hurt you.

Maybe if you explain that you'll enjoy it or give him some books on the subject. My husband said he felt weird flogging me until he saw my face when it happened and the look of pure pleasure on it.
04/01/2012
Sex Positivity Sex Positivity
Thanks. That really helps.
04/01/2012
TheSinDoll TheSinDoll
There are a few other threads on this same topic where a lot of great advice is given.

Like Kayla said, communication is very important. you have to be able to speak openly to him about what you want from him and how you feel about it. In return, you have to be able to listen and understand when he speaks to you about his feelings as well.

Go Slow. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a BDSM relationship. You both need a little educating on a lot of different things, but start out with what interests you. Google 'BDSM Checklist'. You fill one out and ask him to fill one out. Compare both of your interests and talk openly about them.

Get your hands on some great reading material. SM101, The Topping Book, The Bottoming Book, Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns. EF carries some of these.

Fetlife.com is a source that some find to be very educational.

I would suggest joining your local kink community.

If the time comes when the two of you decide to play, establish a safeword. a lot of people use "Red" to instantly stop a scene when something goes wrong or is too intense.

The bottom line is to communicate with your partner. You're going to learn and grow - but communication is always the key.

Good luck and HAVE FUN!
04/02/2012
Total posts: 4
Unique posters: 3