New to being a Dom

Buhwandon Buhwandon
My girlfriend wants me to be more dominate in the bedroom because she's really submissive.
Any tips on what I should be doing exactly?
04/26/2013
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gwenevieve gwenevieve
Quote:
Originally posted by Buhwandon
My girlfriend wants me to be more dominate in the bedroom because she's really submissive.
Any tips on what I should be doing exactly?
Choking, gagging her with her panties, including restraints, edge play- there are tons of ways. You need to ask her in what ways she wants you to be dominate with her and go from there.

Communication is key in BDSM.
04/26/2013
BloodHound BloodHound
Quote:
Originally posted by Buhwandon
My girlfriend wants me to be more dominate in the bedroom because she's really submissive.
Any tips on what I should be doing exactly?
Being dominant towards your girlfriend and simply using toys with her are two completely separate things. A submissive can use a flogger on someone, that doesn't mean they are dominating them in the least.

Put your VISA away, you don't need to buy toys to be dominant with your girlfriend. It's so much more about your own personality than the what toys you use. What you should be doing is figuring out your own dominant personality. Also, talk to your girlfriend and ask her about her submission and what it means to her. She may not even want toys. She may just want to call you Sir while she sucks your cock. You need to sit down and talk to her before you do ANYTHING else. Don't try to just wing it.

If you have further questions, please don't hesitate to send me a message. I will be happy to talk with you.
04/27/2013
BloodHound BloodHound
Quote:
Originally posted by gwenevieve
Choking, gagging her with her panties, including restraints, edge play- there are tons of ways. You need to ask her in what ways she wants you to be dominate with her and go from there.

Communication is key in BDSM.
I'm amazed.I'm amazed at the fact that you would suggest such things as choking and edge play to someone who is brand new to kink and BDSM.

There are serious health risks involved with choking/breath play and such practices should not be done unless you know what you are doing. Simply putting your hand on someones throat doesn't count for knowing either. You need to know things like how long does it take for the brain to replenish lost Oxygen. Guess what, if you don't know this there is the potential for brain damage.

Edge play...really?

Lets take a look at some different kinds of edge play:

knife play
fire play
breath play
high intensity impact play,

just to name a few.

You would really suggest to someone that is just starting out that these are things they should try when they don't even know the first thing about BDSM yet. You're setting them up for potential disaster. Accidents happen to the most experienced of players and you want to suggest edge play to someone who is new to kink and may not even know what edge play is?

Also,edge play isn't a sign of how dominant someone is. Neither the use of any toy an indicator of one's dominance.
04/27/2013
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Woah!
Ok, first of all, i second everything Blood Hound said. Absolutely. And am similarly shocked by bikenotes recommendations.
Communicate and do some introspection and figure out what you want and what your girlfriend wants. Create a safe space with open communication where you can both share your feelings, needs, wants, fantasies, etc. without fear, shame or judgment. "Dominant" and 'submissive" have as many meanings as there are people who identify with those labels so you have to figure out where each of you are and get on the same page!
Figure out where limits and interests are for both of you and get some safety basics in place for you both!
Next, please, please, please educate yourself before you engage in ANY play, let alone the kind of "edge" play recommended by bikenotes. The activities she mentions are things people do but are so very far from the only things or even the most common and, as Blood Hound points out, have very little to do, in and of themselves, with being "Dominant". ANY BDSM activity has risks and there is rarely one right way to do anything but there are ALWAYS many wrong ways. Educate yourself and learn how to safely and properly do anything you are interested in, preferably with the instruction of someone very skilled and experienced! At the very least, exhaustive reading and research is required. And your girlfriend needs to be fully educated and aware of any and all risks before you begin as well. This is the only way truly informed consent can be given! There are ALWAYS physical and mental and emotional risks involved, and everyone involved needs to be fully aware.
If you purchase anything at this stage in the game, look at some good books on BDSM. There are 4 books i always recommend:
1. The New Topping Book by Dosse Easton and Janet Hardy available on Amazon Here
2. The New Bottoming Book by Dosse Easton and Janet Hardy available on Amazon Here
3. SM 101 by Jay Wiseman available on Amazon Here
4. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon available on Amazon Here
All 4 of these used to be available on Eden but i can't find them anymore.
Anyway, if you want someone else to chat with on the topic, i'm also available by private message.
04/29/2013
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 4