Questions about nipple clamps/ring/hotwax/etc . and how to intro them....

Lips Lips
Here's the deal: Been married 16 years, my sex drive all of the sudden is insane. I don't know how to tell him that I want a little pleasure/pain, that I want it hard and a little forceful, that I want more toys than a little bullet, and that I might like being tied up and dominated. How does one go about doing that when your husband is a complete gentlemen in bed? Don't get me wrong, I am not dissatisfied, but I would like a little more. His birthday is coming up and so is our anniversary. I have ordered a veritable tool box of toys (many if which I have no idea if they are good for beginners or not...I just don't know how to introduce this. Any suggestions?
Jun 8, 10:55 pm
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dv8 dv8
Talk to him about what turns you on. Watch porn together. Surprising a partner with something kinky can go horribly wrong.
Jun 9, 4:28 am
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
You can suggest a question game. He asks you a question about anything and you ask him a question about anything. Start with a few non-sexual questions. If you could be a superhero which one? What is one place you liked to visit and never have? Then ask. Have you ever wanted to tie me up? or Which of these would be the biggest turn on for you (list a few things you want to try)? That is a fun and non-threatening way to bring it up.

Please do not spring your tool box on him. Some people need to be eased into things. If you get positive responses to your questions, perhaps bring out one of your tools/toys. See how it goes from there.
Jun 12, 10:53 pm
lilswitch lilswitch
I agree with the people above, surprises of this nature are generally bad. I think the direct route is the best. Tell him the things you've told us. If you don't know which toys are good for beginners or not, do more research. Start nice and slow to see what you both enjoy and dislike. If he gets worried about hurting you, tell him that to a certain extent that is what you want. Make sure you discuss how to signal a stop if things start getting to be too much for either of you.
Jun 20, 8:29 pm
apodosis apodosis
It might be a good idea to take it one thing at a time. For example, if you think you might be into bondage, a little choking, waxplay, impact play, and general roughness, (or whatever list of things applies to you) don't overwhelm him by springing them all on him at once. Pick one, and pick a fairly tame version of it (for example, a little spanking with his hand as opposed to whacks with a studded paddle), and then talk to him about it. Tell him it's a fantasy of yours, that you'd love to try it out if he's open, and establish that either of you can definitely call it off at any time if it doesn't feel good (if that happens, TALK about what happened, why it felt bad, and what you both want to do about it). After you try it out, give him lots of positive feedback. Show him you're really happy with it. Let him adjust to the new activity, by trying it out multiple times, getting used ted to incorporating it into your sex life, and talking about what you each like about it or what worries you. Let this first activity get normal, or almost normal, before you suggest another activity.

This kind of process can sometimes feel frustratingly slow. But I really think it's better than the alternative of overwhelming your partner and making them feel like you guys are incompatible, or like they are or have been failing you. On the other hand, if your partner really takes to it, then you can speed up the process. When it's frustratingly slow though, it helps if you can reframe it in your head as tantalizing---it's only slow to tease and excite you! And besides, it never hurts to draw the fun out. There's plenty of time to explore every fantasy (that you both consent to) together!
Aug 13, 7:41 pm
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 5