Relinquishing Control

VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
How do you enjoy giving up control if you are a submissive type? How do you enjoy your bottom to relinquish control if you are a Dominant type? Do you enjoy giving up/taking control all the time or do you just prefer to in the bedroom?

For me, I enjoy the feeling of being strung up to a St. Andrew's Cross or held down in place by my partner when we're playing in bed. I just love the feel of being at his mercy and knowing that I'm not going anywhere unless he releases me
08/13/2009
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spicywife spicywife
My husband and I share the dominant role. Neither of us is really more dominant than the other. It's perfect for us. We are able to switch back and forth we ease and we know exactly how much to do.

I bring more creativity and ideas to the bedroom though. I am more expressive in that way.
08/13/2009
Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Ooo St. Andrew's Cross! I wish we lived in a big enough apartment to use ours! Alas... it sits in the closet.

I've gotta say, the best bondage for me is mental. When he tells me to get into position and stay there. While I love being physically bound or held in place, there's just something about not being able to move because "He says so."
08/13/2009
NuMe NuMe
Quote:
Originally posted by spicywife
My husband and I share the dominant role. Neither of us is really more dominant than the other. It's perfect for us. We are able to switch back and forth we ease and we know exactly how much to do.

I bring more creativity and ideas to the ... More
My husband's and my relationship is pretty much the same as yours. And, yes, I bring most of the creativity to the bedroom as well. Though I do wish he would or could be the more creative one once in a while.
08/13/2009
spicywife spicywife
Quote:
Originally posted by NuMe
My husband's and my relationship is pretty much the same as yours. And, yes, I bring most of the creativity to the bedroom as well. Though I do wish he would or could be the more creative one once in a while.
I know what you mean. I'd like that too. He tries but he's just not as sexual creativity as I am. You wouldn't think it would be that hard though!
08/13/2009
spicywife spicywife
*creative
Typos plague the world...
08/13/2009
NuMe NuMe
Quote:
Originally posted by spicywife
I know what you mean. I'd like that too. He tries but he's just not as sexual creativity as I am. You wouldn't think it would be that hard though!
I know!!! Right???!!! I'm like, wtf. He's the one that watches porn. You would think that would give him some ideas.

But aside from complaining, I do love to dress up and create scenerios. It get's my creative and other juices flowing. lol
08/13/2009
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
If y'all want to spice things up or get him to be more creative, look into those 365 days of sex books they sell at Spencer's or other stores of the like. That could add some spice and it doesn't necessarily have to be kinky
08/13/2009
spicywife spicywife
Quote:
Originally posted by NuMe
I know!!! Right???!!! I'm like, wtf. He's the one that watches porn. You would think that would give him some ideas.

But aside from complaining, I do love to dress up and create scenerios. It get's my creative and other juices flowing. lol
You are funny!

My husband doesn't watch porn, but I thought that he might get ideas from me. I'm a firm believer that foreplay can start well before the actual event and that really, foreplay can be all the time! He does great when we're actually being intimate, but I like to tease and to be teased at other times too.
08/13/2009
spicywife spicywife
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
If y'all want to spice things up or get him to be more creative, look into those 365 days of sex books they sell at Spencer's or other stores of the like. That could add some spice and it doesn't necessarily have to be kinky
Thanks! There is one book on EF that helps couples learn how to be more aggressive at talking dirty, too.
08/13/2009
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Quote:
Originally posted by NuMe
My husband's and my relationship is pretty much the same as yours. And, yes, I bring most of the creativity to the bedroom as well. Though I do wish he would or could be the more creative one once in a while.
And Alan & I are pretty much in the same boat too in that we share the role and I'm the creative one.
The one issue we have had to work through though is, the female thing who he was with before me gave a new meaning to the word prude. You know; missionary style once or twice a month and NEVER willing to do anything she considered "nasty" (which was everything). He was young, and her training stuck, so it's always been hard to get him to initiate anything new... that's my job. It was laughable when we first started playing with dominance years ago, because he'd tell me to do something and then a few seconds later he'd say "Ok?" LOL.
08/13/2009
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by spicywife
You are funny!

My husband doesn't watch porn, but I thought that he might get ideas from me. I'm a firm believer that foreplay can start well before the actual event and that really, foreplay can be all the time! He does great when ... More
Foreplay happens with us ALL THE TIME. For real. He could be at work installing a fountain and say "I want to see you spread out for me" and I'll puddle.

It's ridiculous. Seriously. LOL.
08/14/2009
Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
Ooo St. Andrew's Cross! I wish we lived in a big enough apartment to use ours! Alas... it sits in the closet.

I've gotta say, the best bondage for me is mental. When he tells me to get into position and stay there. While I love being ... More
I am in total agreement about the mental side of bondage!! And the only time I was able to do the St. Andrews Cross was once when we house-sat for some friends who had room enough to have a bunch of goodies. Made me wish we'd had more room at our place!
08/14/2009
Liz2 Liz2
I guess I am more creative but my b/f is always ready to move on an idea and add to it. He buys many of my toys now, certainly creative as a few I would have passed over but they are so..so..good.
He is the cautious one about noise so will tamper things down, if I get too loud.
08/14/2009
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
I guess I am more creative but my b/f is always ready to move on an idea and add to it. He buys many of my toys now, certainly creative as a few I would have passed over but they are so..so..good.
He is the cautious one about noise so will tamper ... More
That's what they make ball gags for
08/14/2009
LiftedUp LiftedUp
I'm definitely the submissive of our duo, and my wife is the dominant. It may not appear that way outside the bedroom, or to the casual observer though. These positions just fit us both so naturally though. I LOVE being able to give up control to her, and just be obedient to her and her desires, and she LOVES the feeling she gets knowing the power she has over me.

As for my favorite methods, I do enjoy bondage and teasing a lot, but my FAVORITE has to be the long-term mental and physical bondage methods we sometimes use, hidden from the outside world. For example, my wife may request that I put on my neosteel chastity belt for an undetermined amount of time, and give her the keys. Being discretely locked up and unable to experience even the slightest touch while in public, or at work, is simply indescribable. Top that off with her requesting that I wear a pair of her panties with it, underneath my clothes to work, and I'm in a state of distracted arousal all day. Of course the dominant in her will further use this to her advantage to tease me, make me watch her masturbate, or even pleasure her, without letting me out. It's a vicious feedback cycle, and a complete mind game, but we both LOVE it.
08/19/2009
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
If y'all want to spice things up or get him to be more creative, look into those 365 days of sex books they sell at Spencer's or other stores of the like. That could add some spice and it doesn't necessarily have to be kinky
I love those books...plus you can kink up most of what they give you
08/27/2009
J's Alley J's Alley
I am pretty much submissive all the time, I guess, but it's more of a dynamic than the D/s lifestyle. In the bedroom I am totally at his mercy (or lack there of). I love to have my wrists held down by him. I tend to get loud and we have two kids, so he will get me quiet and my favorites are a hand over the mouth, him kissing me (oh that gets me every time), and the best is when he tells me to shut the hell up!!! That whole mental thing, wondering what he will do if I don't...hmm
08/27/2009
stuck in the middle stuck in the middle
I'm very submissive and love to be restrained.Cuffs,Chain s,rope.I love the feeling of total helplessness.
08/27/2009
Sir Sir
I prefer to take control at all times; no matter the time, no matter the place. My partner is very submissive, but she's also extremely disobedient to me, so that poses some problems when I try to get her to do things for me. It makes me very angry when she does that.

We live a full-time lifestyle because that's just who we are. I do not like disobedient submissives and I do not like it when they act bad with me. I made an exception for her because I'm in love with my little girl, I can't very much let her go.
08/29/2009
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I prefer to take control at all times; no matter the time, no matter the place. My partner is very submissive, but she's also extremely disobedient to me, so that poses some problems when I try to get her to do things for me. It makes me very ... More
Alink...

I love to do things for J, and believe me it took a while for me to get past my super type A personality when it came to our relationship. If J couldn't be in control it wouldn't work out. Somehow I was ok with that. I have my quirks about what he cannot control...religion and church as well as political affiliations. For me this is a basic self preservation issue, if you value your life, don't get between me and those two things.

Also, I have complete say in what the kids do. It is not a joint thing while he is gone, and it is a joint thing while he's here, but they're our children so he doesn't take control in that aspect. Although, I would like to say that my oldest daughter notices how submissive I am, she often asks me why I am not like the other mommies and why I ask daddy to do things. I just tell her all families have their rules, and ours is that I make sure daddy is ok with something before I do it, kind of like avoiding upsetting him or lying. She likes that answer, so we will keep it as long as needed.
09/05/2009
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by J's Alley
Alink...

I love to do things for J, and believe me it took a while for me to get past my super type A personality when it came to our relationship. If J couldn't be in control it wouldn't work out. Somehow I was ok with that. I have ... More
Your link isn't working, I'm not sure why. And that's interesting actually, your profile image icon is the same as my little girl's.
09/05/2009
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Your link isn't working, I'm not sure why. And that's interesting actually, your profile image icon is the same as my little girl's.
hmm...I didn't mean for there to be a link at all...oops Generic icon from EF
09/05/2009
Boxers Over Briefs Boxers Over Briefs
Quote:
Originally posted by J's Alley
hmm...I didn't mean for there to be a link at all...oops Generic icon from EF
three w's automatically initiate a link, that's why it doesn't go anywhere, it's empty.
09/06/2009
TinyTease TinyTease
My sub and I have moved into what I would describe as a very loving 24/7 lifestyle; one that I consider a marriage of sorts. He and I have made the decision that I choose everything for him - what he wears, what happens to the money he makes, even what sort of work he should do. But, he doesn't call me by my Domme name all day long, he still does his own thing, I don't expect him to constantly stay in his subspace.

He has chosen to give me a great gift of trust, and that is the offer of complete control over any and every aspect of his life and body. There are no secrets kept from me, anything which I desire I have access to. To me, this is all I could ever ask for in a sub.
09/21/2009
oliverHyde oliverHyde
My sub and I have a daily collaring ceremony that sinks us both into D/s roll pretty strongly. It's a very simple little ceremony, she kneels at my feet and I either hold her head in my hands or we just look into each others eyes for a moment.
It's something we can do every day, even when we're both really busy or sick, that reestablishes our role-play and increases our intimacy.
10/13/2009
Ciao. Ciao.
Both my partner and I are submissive (which of course can lead to some occasional problems "no I want to be tied up!"), but generally she has me take the dominant role in the bedroom. However, on the awesome occasions of reversing that it's a total treat...I love to be able to give up control to her! Wonderful sensation.
10/13/2009
TinyTease TinyTease
Quote:
Originally posted by oliverHyde
My sub and I have a daily collaring ceremony that sinks us both into D/s roll pretty strongly. It's a very simple little ceremony, she kneels at my feet and I either hold her head in my hands or we just look into each others eyes for a moment. ... More
That's a really lovely gesture.
10/14/2009
Atargatis Atargatis
i'm a natural submissive, floating around between sub and slave, and working 24/7 in private, away from classes and whatnot, if that makes sense. it's more of a mindset for me. i give up both physical and psychological control fairly easily, primarily due to my nature but supplemented by my training. i enjoy S/m as well, so that's a big part of it, but following directions is probably the number one thing.
12/07/2009
Brownchique Brownchique
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
How do you enjoy giving up control if you are a submissive type? How do you enjoy your bottom to relinquish control if you are a Dominant type? Do you enjoy giving up/taking control all the time or do you just prefer to in the bedroom?

For ... More
Wow! Great question! I am an extremely dominant individual, so I find it very liberating to give up control and become a submissive in the bedroom...but only in the bedroom. I just can't see myself giving up my authority, but I really do want to try it out, at least for a weekend. Do you have any suggestions?
01/18/2010
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