Resistance fantasies--do you have them?

I've read many times that both men and women commonly have resistance fantasies--or rape fantasies, though I know that's a heavy word to toss around. I'm curious about the gender split on this fantasy, and which roles each gender typically play in this fantasy.

The poll is obviously private, but if you want to share your thoughts or experiences, that would be very welcome.

I'll start by saying that I'm a woman, and I've fantasized to various degree about resisting a man who has lost control of his lust for me, being overpowered by him, and resisting and struggling the whole time. My man and I have toyed with this idea, and have just now decided that we really want to try this(with a strongly enforced safe word, of course).

Now, let me make this clear. I in NO WAY condone rape, take rape lightly, want to be raped (a contradiction of terms), or feel anything but repulsed by rapists. I have never been a victim of sexual assault, and would never dream of acting out this fantasy with anyone I didn't trust 110%. And just like I don't expect people to think that having this fantasy means that I want to be raped, I don't think that having this fantasy as a man means that you actually want to rape someone, or would even be capable of it. So while I encourage discussion about this, it would be great for people to remain respectful and open-minded. Of course, I expect nothing less from you guys. less

It's so refreshing to hear you say these things.

It's hard to heal after sexual (or other kinds of) trauma, and everyone has their own way of doing it. Some stay stagnant, some try different things until something works, some have to get near the edge to get into the meat of the matter and actually fully heal (I know I do.)

I'm glad you are healing and I'm glad you are being proactive in your own healing. I got your back, I've been there, too.



I totally understand why some people don't want to push the envelope, it may not be the way they personally heal, they may be afraid, or it may just be too soon for them to do so. I totally respect that. But, I do expect MY way of healing, as well as my fantasies to be respected (of course, I don't go into a lot of detail about my fantasies, for fear of... well a lot of things)

As Stormy said; Safe, Sane, Consensual.

No one can ask more (nor less) than that. And respectful of others.

Vixen, I AM glad you are healing. It's like opening a new door or letting the sun shine in again when you heal. It's that good. less

I am FTM, and have had fantasies like involving me in both situations, with both sexes. I prefer to think of myself as the resistor. I have never done this in sex, but I am curious. However, I worry it may somehow cause problems...? I'm worried I would end up feeling abused, even if I did agree to it in the first place, or that our sex life would become too "rough". I like my romantic lovemaking sessions. less

"Ravishment Fantasy" or "Ravishment Play" is one of the most common, no, THE most common female fantasy.

There are HUGE difference between "Ravishment Play" and actual rape. Rape is a horrible, degrading act, in which someone is humiliated and has NO control over the act nor the outcome. NO woman (I doubt) actually fantasizes about real rape.

However, the term "Ravishment" is commonly used (and certainly better than the use of the incorrect word "rape") in that in ravishment the person being ravished has ALL or MOST of the control. I can't stress how important that one sentence is. I'm going to say it again; In Ravishment Play, the person being ravished has all or MOST of the control.

Some of us have actually used Ravishment Play to HEAL from sexual trauma. Many who have never faced sexual trauma still fantasize about ravishment. No one is quite sure, but the cultural edict that women are not "supposed to want or like sex" seems to play into this. (A lot of

Catholic and Evangelical women (as well as others) fantasize about Ravishment a LOT, why? Our cultures make sex out to be dirty, and a woman wanting sex to be even worse. The mind then wanders to "well, what if I'm not to blame?" This line of thought (although it's often subconscious) usually ends up with some sort of Ravishment fantasy.

NO woman wants to be raped. Of course not. Ravishment is a way to stay in control but pretend to give up that control. (Probably a good reason why having a Safe Word during Ravishment Play is necessary, especially if one has had sexual trauma in the past.)

Some women never experience Ravishment fantasies, and that's OK, too. Everybody handles their issues differently, and women tend to know what works for them by trial and error. I would never suggest to an other woman "You should try Ravishment Play, it's very healing." if she expressed no interest in it. Likewise, no one who prefers NOT to experience Ravishment Play should judge those of us who do enjoy this fantasy play, or judge our reasons why. No matter which side of the play we are on. Many men (and a few women) experience being the Dominant in Ravishment Play. That doesn't make him a rapist. It's just fantasy, most men who experience and play Ravishment would never dream of actually harming a woman, but the VERY different Ravishment Fantasy has a certain appeal. NO ONE should feel bad about those feelings, as long as they are practiced with CONSENT with an other. Likewise, no one has the right to judge someone else's sexual fantasies in any way.

Most men who have Dominant fantasies or even act Dominantly during sexual play NEVER rape nor want to rape anyone. Thinking so is narrow minded and judgmental. Many couples experience Power Dynamic play, and saying that every man who is a natural Dom is a rapist is... borderline ridiculous. Perhaps every rapist who raped someone thought about it first but every man who has sexually Dominant thought does NOT become a rapist. That's the old First Wave Feminist thought that ALL men are rapists.... and they simply aren't... that kind of thinking is misoandrist, and as unfair as misogynist thought.

People heal in different ways, and I think we all need to respect what works for each individual woman, man or otherwise. Judging someone elses inner thoughts (ie, sexual fantasies) may put one into a very precarious position, and I don't recommend doing so particularly if you intend on growing and maturing as an adult human being.

Fantasy is just that. less

I've read many times that both men and women commonly have resistance fantasies--or rape fantasies, though I know that's a heavy word to toss around. I'm curious about the gender split on this fantasy, and which roles each gender typically play in this fantasy.

The poll is obviously private, but if you want to share your thoughts or experiences, that would be very welcome.

I'll start by saying that I'm a woman, and I've fantasized to various degree about resisting a man who has lost control of his lust for me, being overpowered by him, and resisting and struggling the whole time. My man and I have toyed with this idea, and have just now decided that we really want to try this(with a strongly enforced safe word, of course).

Now, let me make this clear. I in NO WAY condone rape, take rape lightly, want to be raped (a contradiction of terms), or feel anything but repulsed by rapists. I have never been a victim of sexual assault, and would never dream of acting out this fantasy with anyone I didn't trust 110%. And just like I don't expect people to think that having this fantasy means that I want to be raped, I don't think that having this fantasy as a man means that you actually want to rape someone, or would even be capable of it. So while I encourage discussion about this, it would be great for people to remain respectful and open-minded. Of course, I expect nothing less from you guys. less

I've read many times that both men and women commonly have resistance fantasies--or rape fantasies, though I know that's a heavy word to toss around. I'm curious about the gender split on this fantasy, and which roles each gender typically play in this fantasy.

The poll is obviously private, but if you want to share your thoughts or experiences, that would be very welcome.

I'll start by saying that I'm a woman, and I've fantasized to various degree about resisting a man who has lost control of his lust for me, being overpowered by him, and resisting and struggling the whole time. My man and I have toyed with this idea, and have just now decided that we really want to try this(with a strongly enforced safe word, of course).

Now, let me make this clear. I in NO WAY condone rape, take rape lightly, want to be raped (a contradiction of terms), or feel anything but repulsed by rapists. I have never been a victim of sexual assault, and would never dream of acting out this fantasy with anyone I didn't trust 110%. And just like I don't expect people to think that having this fantasy means that I want to be raped, I don't think that having this fantasy as a man means that you actually want to rape someone, or would even be capable of it. So while I encourage discussion about this, it would be great for people to remain respectful and open-minded. Of course, I expect nothing less from you guys. less

Yikes. This should've had a trigger warning on it.

I do appreciate that you took the time at the bottom of your discussion piece to state what your intentions are and all. That made my heart stop pounding as hard.

To be frank, I'm repulsed by someone who would fantasize about being the rapist/the ATTACKER. This is coming from someone who was raped and nearly killed to beat it all, so that's why I'm just really not happy to hear about this whole "rape play" it's hard to be on this side. I know you probably understand that and each time this poll is brought up here, there are those of us who were unfortunate enough to be attacked, so some have strong feelings toward hearing someone who's never had to know how bad it is say they play it. It IS making light of rape. I mean, let's face it. IT IS. But that's whatever. If you like that, I don't understand it and dang sure don't want to understand it since I have had to understand enough of rape, but I don't have a problem with someone wishing that on themselves. Heck, it kind of just makes me think well, when there are so many girls who want it to happen, why do some of us who didn't want it, have to go through it. But that's just a what-if. We could make millions of what-ifs.

But I do disagree about one thing. Fantasizing about raping, forcing yourself on a person, stealing something precious to them, damaging them, and leaving them in fear for probably most of their lives (to some extent) is the very way a rapist starts out. I've researched rapists for years in hopes of coming to some kind of understanding for my own self, and that is how it all starts: a fantasy. So yes, if you can fantasize about raping someone, you have potential to do it. You start out with the fantasy of raping, it continues until you feel this "uncontrollable" urge to do it. That is exactly how a rapist's attacks begin. Almost every time.

No person who's never thought about raping someone walks down the street, sees an attractive human and suddenly rapes them. There is a beginning.


I hope that everyone will take some time to look more into it. If you're think is wanting to be raped or enjoying the "fantasy" as it goes, fine. It's nothing to me, but if you're fantasizing about doing such an ILLEGAL, harmful act to a person, you truly need to seek help and recognize what's going on. Only rapists fantasize about doing such a dispicable thing to someone's life. less

I feel the need to say this because I was one of the people who did admit to aggressor fantasies, but I do agree with you. I don't think it's a healthy part of myself. I've been trying to exorcise rape culture from my life and sexuality and it can be done. less