Self Injury and S&M (Possible Trigger?)

Thanks for such a long personal intro to this topic, since it can be a really charged one for some people.
I might not fit into what you're describing, since I've never identified as a self-injurer or a masochist. That said, things I've done in the past and things I do now might look like self-harm or masochism to others, so I should give details!
As a really young kid I did a lot of similar things - I also stuck needles in my fingers, and would put my hand over a candle flame and see how long I could keep it there.
When I was a teenager (starting at about 12 or so) I would get really into playing "blood sisters" with other girls. There was cutting involved, but for me it wasn't a "cry for help" or whatever shrinks might like to say, but an early sexual exploration. It felt really good and really intense. When I was 18 I met my first serious partner, who was also my first serious D/s relationship. There was cutting involved there, too, but again it was a positive, enjoyable thing I wanted.
Also, I really enjoy the feeling of getting tattoos and piercings.
As for now, I don't have any cutting/piercing going on in my sexual life, but love impact and hair-pulling, biting and scratching. I don't identify as masochistic since pain is not a big part of it. I do get pushed to the point of pain, but it takes quite a bit to get there and I seem to have a really fast endorphin response so it's more the floaty high feeling. Okay, now that I've written that out I see it might be more masochism than I'm willing to label as such (if that makes sense).
My point is, if I got caught at certain times when I was younger I'd almost certainly have been labeled a self-harmer, but since I wasn't it never came up and I never thought of it as such.
It sounds to me like if you were allowed to explore this side of yourself without doctors trying to pathologise it you'd have come to the conclusion you seem to be getting at here - it's just a part of who you are and you need the entire range of expression to be happy.
I think a lot of non-standard people can get depressed while they're figuring out who they are because it does deviate from the script we're handed by society (I include gay youth in this too, I seem to remember reading that they have higher depression rates). It's hard to be a teenager anyway, and when the thing that makes you feel good and happy is treated as wrong it can cause confusion and really shake your self-image.
So, for self-harmers who end up being into BDSM, maybe the harm isn't a symptom of depression but rather the depression is caused by living in a world that doesn't recognize your needs as healthy and natural. less

I think I have always had masochistic tendencies. When I was a kid, I used to pull out my own loose teeth. As a teen, I used to stick myself with pins and burn myself. As an adult, I really enjoyed getting a tattoo. I can't really say that I intentionally subjected myself to physical pain due to inability to properly deal with emotional pain. I have no trouble crying it out when I am upset. Though I find physical pain strangely cathartic, it probably has much more to do with masochism than the textbook reasons for self injury. less

Well, damn, this thread is totally going to out me as a masochist!
Seriously, I'm not sure why I don't identify as one. But yeah, like you said it does take quite a bit to get me to the actual pain point, and then after that it feels even better, so that may be the best term. I know it's not like that for a lot of people . . . . less

Hm. Maybe I've been using the wrong word then? I guess it depends on if you define masochistic as liking the parts that really hurt the most or if you define it as liking things that would normally cause pain to most people. I've always gone with the second option, but maybe I'm defining it wrong. I more use "pain slut" in terms of people that like when it hurts in the bad way instead of the good way. Always so many terms and different ways to look at them. less

No, I don't mean that it's the wrong word - like you say it can be looked at different ways.
Actually, since this discussion has been going on I'd be curious to hear from anyone who identifies as a masochist specifically because they like the pain parts, as opposed to liking things that other people consider painful, with the main enjoyment coming from the amazing endorphin rush caused by such things. (bit off topic, sorry!)
I think my main reason from shying away from it is that I do need a certain amount of handling. I've been with people who just really want to use the heaviest implement they can get as hard and fast as possible right away, and I don't like that since I need to build up in intensity. I guess calling myself masochistic would sound too much like an invitation! On the other hand, I'm better at choosing partners these days. less

I had some mental issues as a teenager, due to living conditions, poor body image and feeling abnormal because of my kinky interests. I saw a psychologist for about 3 years. She was kink positive, for the most part. I never really understood why she seemed to believe that having someone inflict pain on you is generally ok (if it's consensual and not too "extreme"), but inflicting it upon yourself is always bad. I never had an orgasm during self-injuring, but I frequently masturbated afterwards. I think it had less to do with depression than everyone seemed to believe. I too was confused about why, and had no trouble crying when I wanted to.

On some level I need pain, regardless of my mental state. Even when I'm "healthy", I get agitated if I go without it for too long. I have found someone who like hurting me, so I don't really need to hurt myself anymore.

So, for self-harmers who end up being into BDSM, maybe the harm isn't a symptom of depression but rather the depression is caused by living in a world that doesn't recognize your needs as healthy and natural.

This makes a lot of sense for me too. less

Interesting that you bring this up, it does seem like it's a trend. I just watched Secretary, and the idea of S&M replacing self-injury comes up in the movie so it's something I've been thinking about lately too.

I'll chime in as someone who's had a very similar experience - When I did self-injure, I saw it as a release, much like the way I see pain and sex now. I never saw it as a cry for help or any of the classic descriptions of self-injury, it was simply a physical feeling I enjoyed and used to de-stress. Receiving pain from my partner is much more intense and enjoyable than causing it to myself ever was, because of the trust between us and the idea of putting myself under someone else's control, but I think it's likely that my enjoyment of the physical pain alone stems from the same place. less

I'd like to hear from someone who enjoys the ouchie parts, too, not just the high flying rush parts.

I've always had the opposite issue. lol I usually had more submissive guys attracted to me who were scared to really do anything. Usually a light slap was the most any could handle. If I was single, I wouldn't go around saying "oh, I'm masochistic" because I can see that attracting people who play harder than I'd like. less

I never understood that either. I've had a few people (not therapists, I don't discuss kinks with them lest they commit me or something) tell me that me enjoying pain from a partner was cool, but self inflicted pain was not. Huh? Is the difference that distinct? No one could ever explain why one was okay and the other wasn't. Bleh. less

I can't say I really get a good endorphin high from pain, so it really is the "ouchie" parts that I like. It reminds me of that John Mellencamp song, "Hurts So Good". I pretty much stick by what I said last night. I don't know if there is anything I can add unless someone has a question for me. less