Shy about starting BDSM with my husband because he's clueless it's dancing in my mind

Contributor: symbiasin symbiasin
Quote:
Originally posted by titth
You can also check out fetlife.com which is a bdsm based community where you can find local support groups and other like minded people in your community as well as tons of great information getting into bdsm. As well as safety when evolving ... more
Is it EVER bdsm based!!!!!
02/12/2015
Contributor: symbiasin symbiasin
Quote:
Originally posted by OH&W, Lovebears
The next time I went I turned on the private browsing window. col
Total of 3 times and not visited since. Hope the forum picks up here so will not wander. Soon cold spell will be over and I will be able to go outdoors again. Oh, that also means ... more
Just thinking...you are in Ca. and complain about cold??!!!

(extreme case of typos)
02/12/2015
Contributor: Inquisitor Inquisitor
Quote:
Originally posted by OH&W, Lovebears
Oh Inq, ole buddy,
Don't forget to tell her about the traffic and HOUSING PRICES.
Shhhhhh! Don't mention that. Now she and maybe her man candy won't come out and enjoy our WONDERFUL CUISINE or SEE the WONDERFUL SITES. Besides, traffic isn't that bad if you end up visiting or staying in NOR CAL.
02/14/2015
Contributor: Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by Inquisitor
Shhhhhh! Don't mention that. Now she and maybe her man candy won't come out and enjoy our WONDERFUL CUISINE or SEE the WONDERFUL SITES. Besides, traffic isn't that bad if you end up visiting or staying in NOR CAL.
Oooo, man candy lol. That's a fun description. He is quite lickable . Its on our list of places to visit together. It's so beautiful there. I love it at night when you see all the lights through the all the hills and vallies.
02/14/2015
Contributor: BusyMe BusyMe
Quote:
Originally posted by Vnessa
Thank you for the links and suggestions! The nipple clamps were actually already on my wish list The oucho electrodes are a bit new to me so I added them I haven't tried any glass didos so that would be a new experience.
Look up the endogenous zones.. and place them there.. There was a video on electro stimulation on the Playboy.tv listed under Comedy Foursome.. It's a dollar for a trail period you just have to cancel your subscription a day later.
Here is a site you can checkout. link Thats just a site.
02/15/2015
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by Vnessa
At first I didn't even know about this hidden world. I'm naturally a little shy in the bedroom. I never understood why I felt the need to be "led". Call it cliché but after a few books about the subject I started to feel like ... more
Ok so... BDSM... I think its cool. I commend those who do it and enjoy it but not for me.

Here's why. I hate being tied up and so does my wife. I just don't like being restrained in any way. I love being kinky, I am all about the whips and chains (sort to speak) but the being restrained part im not into.

Now I think you may find a lot of men feel that way about themselves (im not saying all and I could be wrong) and it makes them feel uncomfortable to do it to their SO's.

Before you get into being tied up and all of the BDSM use things approaching that and slowly suggest adding things. When he gets to "id rather not" you know where not to go or you will know you should stay there for a while and possibly over some more time introduce more things to play with as his level of comfort may get better over time.

just my 2 cents
02/15/2015
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by Vnessa
At first I didn't even know about this hidden world. I'm naturally a little shy in the bedroom. I never understood why I felt the need to be "led". Call it cliché but after a few books about the subject I started to feel like ... more
oh and one last thing... im not slamming any of these books or this new culture of BDSM becoming more popular with E.L. James. Good for her! However keep in mind that a lot of people who aren't acclimated with sex toys or their own body are hopping directly into BDSM. The problem is BDSM is more or less (in my mind) for "Advanced Users".

The problem with that is that people try to get into BDSM right away without taking the usual steps up to it find it to be awkward and uncomfortable. And they are super excited to get into it and spend all sorts of money getting toys and BDSM stuff then they dont really know how to proceed.

Take your time learn about your body add things slowly and then next thing you know you will be begging to add another piece to your collection.

Oh and one last thing... I did say collection. GOOD BDSM gear is expensive (I didn't say I NEVER did) and it really is a collection. You will find that saving your money and buying the better equipment serves you in the long run AND that also limits you to building your toy collection and maximizing and exploring what that toy can do until you add another part to your collection.

(mmm... I do like leather)

Oh and one thing that you can start out with is bondage collars. (We both have one) Ours however are anklets and can be covered by pants and socks so we both know its there and cant take it off without the others permission. (See what im saying) Its easing your way in and staying where your comfortable.

Check out my good buddy Vad and ibi and link. Vad is awesome and was super helpful in ordering ours. I am going to be getting a cuff next to wear on my wrist... I think both of us are. The anklet is awesome its just big and uncomfortable for extended use.

Ours are on this page link

Let me know what you think!
02/15/2015
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by Vnessa
At first I didn't even know about this hidden world. I'm naturally a little shy in the bedroom. I never understood why I felt the need to be "led". Call it cliché but after a few books about the subject I started to feel like ... more
Ok ok... Last thing... He just brought back anklets and cuffs. He stopped making them for a while because people were messing up their orders and he may stop making them again.

I am actually going upstairs after I type this to talk to her about buying one!

On and there are other companies that make these possibly less expensive but I think his are the best from what I have seen.
02/15/2015
Contributor: symbiasin symbiasin
Quote:
Originally posted by Inquisitor
Have you ever asked him what he thinks about playful restraint? You know, something like using a scarf to tie your hands to something you when you play? I'd start small and build up to hand cuffs and spreader bars.
spreader bars hurt, if they are what I think they are.
02/15/2015
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by symbiasin
Just thinking...you are in Ca. and complain about cold??!!!

(extreme case of typos)
Guess I'm just a big wiener. Guess was cold when younger and really prefer the warmth. Could pay me enough to live in places like Alaska. Boston is all about snow lately but at least they have Maine Lobsters , Yum Yum !

We both love seafood !
02/15/2015
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Ok so... BDSM... I think its cool. I commend those who do it and enjoy it but not for me.

Here's why. I hate being tied up and so does my wife. I just don't like being restrained in any way. I love being kinky, I am all about the ... more
We agree with you whole heartily. If it's light for fun love making ok. If it's for control, pain and domination, forget it. Neither of us would like to be tied up either. Guess we fall into the yellow vanilla sex types.
02/15/2015
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by OH&W, Lovebears
Guess I'm just a big wiener. Guess was cold when younger and really prefer the warmth. Could pay me enough to live in places like Alaska. Boston is all about snow lately but at least they have Maine Lobsters , Yum Yum !

We both love ... more
excuse the typos people. met was.. always cold... Could NOT pay me..
02/15/2015
Contributor: Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
oh and one last thing... im not slamming any of these books or this new culture of BDSM becoming more popular with E.L. James. Good for her! However keep in mind that a lot of people who aren't acclimated with sex toys or their own body are ... more
You are very right about people just jumping into the BDSM scene and not fully understanding it or the safety that goes along with it. That is primarily how I ended up spending so much free time here lol. There are definitely certain aspects I have no interest in. I am very curious about leather though and how it would feel. I'm not into pain though so that's where some technique and understanding would have to come in. I do like being restrained for short periods. The cuffs...have my attention! My husband isn't huge on restraints, which I understand. I don't care to play that role anyways

I am definitely going to check out your links. I know equipment and such can be expensive. I would be worried if it wasn't. I like sturdy, well made, and comfortable. Speaking of, we were going to add a big furniture piece. I was going to start a post to see what others thoughts were. It's obviously an investment piece but amazing. It's a Tantra Chair. Have heard of them ?? I just saw a video online about 4 months ago and have been drooling since. I think I'm going to order one for our bedroom
02/15/2015
Contributor: Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Ok ok... Last thing... He just brought back anklets and cuffs. He stopped making them for a while because people were messing up their orders and he may stop making them again.

I am actually going upstairs after I type this to talk to her ... more
Wow, the anklets and cuffs are hot. I can see how the thickness could be obtrusive over a long period of use. SO, are they just symbolic or do they come with attachments for other purposes and uses?
02/15/2015
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by Vnessa
Wow, the anklets and cuffs are hot. I can see how the thickness could be obtrusive over a long period of use. SO, are they just symbolic or do they come with attachments for other purposes and uses?
I wear mine as jewelry. The idea is they are supposed to be symbolic. Your wedding ring more or less shows your married but the bondage cuff is more or less supposed to symbolize ownership. You essentially wear it to show that you are owned by somebody almost like you are somebodys property. I think that's why I dig it. I think the more you put into it the better. Like making the rule that you aren't allowed to take it off only he is unless its an extreme situation. I dig it because I like to consider myself "Owned" if you will. The stainless steel more or less shows that its only jewelry to you and that you feel its important to wear it because of what it represents to you as well as your "owner". And yes... its stainless steel and it can be used for restraints but just remember its straight up 3/8s or 1/4 inch stainless steel. It will not break away or be easy to open in an emergency so keep that in mind when you decide to use it for bondage play.
02/15/2015
Contributor: Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
I wear mine as jewelry. The idea is they are supposed to be symbolic. Your wedding ring more or less shows your married but the bondage cuff is more or less supposed to symbolize ownership. You essentially wear it to show that you are owned by ... more
Ahhh. I'm with you. They are collars just worn around the wrist or ankles A little more subtle. I like it. I'm all for ownership. It feels sexy in theory.

Your wife dresses up a lot for the office, yes? How does the ankle cuff work with her business wear? Do you guys wear them long term?
02/15/2015
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by Vnessa
Ahhh. I'm with you. They are collars just worn around the wrist or ankles A little more subtle. I like it. I'm all for ownership. It feels sexy in theory.

Your wife dresses up a lot for the office, yes? How does the ankle cuff ... more
Truth is we have not worn them recently. When we do we usually wear them for a couple of days until one of us has to do something that exposes that area of the body when it comes to the ankle.

I cant get into it really but I am into some sports where my legs are visible and I could hurt someone if I kept it on so lately I haven't worn my anklet. Not that I don't like it I am just kind of afraid of losing it taking it on and off 4 nights a week.

She doesn't wear hers if I am not wearing mine so lately we have not worn ours. But as I said before I am going to be ordering cuffs for us. Probably tomorrow... I actually just got an email from Vad at ringofsteel.net and told him we were talking about them. The cuffs are easier to take off and put back on she agrees. I think I may also have the cuffs engraved.

BTW if you have any questions Vad is very cool about answering emails. Let him know that I told you about him! I know he will appreciate it.
02/15/2015
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Truth is we have not worn them recently. When we do we usually wear them for a couple of days until one of us has to do something that exposes that area of the body when it comes to the ankle.

I cant get into it really but I am into some ... more
Oh yeah... and yes it is a collar. Just kind of a down low collar. I love the sexyness in theory also.

As far as the office goes she is very possessive of me... and she wears it almost as declaration that shes mine. I kind of keep mine hidden she sports hers out in the open. I am going to have mine engraved so it also looks like an ID bracelet.

But its a collar and I will get in trouble if it comes off unnecessarily. so it will go back on as soon as it can.
02/16/2015
Contributor: symbiasin symbiasin
Quote:
Originally posted by Vnessa
Lots of great information to check out! Can I ask what a "munch" is? I obviously have a lot to learn
'You' have a lot to learn?? Just reading the answers makes me realize I don't even know what to ask! I'm so naive, yet wanting to learn, that I think I invented the word naive.

None of the guys around here is into ANYTHING....that's why I like to come here. I can mention a slight fantasy of mine without everyone gasping in horror!

Very simple question....what is an SO?
02/16/2015
Contributor: Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by symbiasin
'You' have a lot to learn?? Just reading the answers makes me realize I don't even know what to ask! I'm so naive, yet wanting to learn, that I think I invented the word naive.

None of the guys around here is into ... more
No more naive than I, luv SO...significant other. I love hearing the fantasies! nobody judges here They are all thoughts and desires. Each of us are entitled to different kinks. It's all good.

Is there a little fantasy brewing if so, Do tell....you know we live to hear them.
02/16/2015
Contributor: Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Oh yeah... and yes it is a collar. Just kind of a down low collar. I love the sexyness in theory also.

As far as the office goes she is very possessive of me... and she wears it almost as declaration that shes mine. I kind of keep mine hidden ... more
Thank you, for all the help with this. The engraving is a lovely touch. Very sweet and even more special. You both seem like a beautiful couple with a solid bond! That's so important in today's world
02/16/2015
Contributor: symbiasin symbiasin
Quote:
Originally posted by Vnessa
No more naive than I, luv SO...significant other. I love hearing the fantasies! nobody judges here They are all thoughts and desires. Each of us are entitled to different kinks. It's all good.

Is there a little fantasy brewing ... more
Yea, Vnessa....actually I haven't counted my fantasy's. I used to write a lot of parodies, and imagination is our friend, so I come by it naturally. I just think of sex and say 'what if?' and out pops a fantasy.
02/16/2015
Contributor: Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by symbiasin
Yea, Vnessa....actually I haven't counted my fantasy's. I used to write a lot of parodies, and imagination is our friend, so I come by it naturally. I just think of sex and say 'what if?' and out pops a fantasy.
I love that! Good for you. It's healthy to have an active imagination. It's what keeps us fun and on our game.
02/16/2015