To give resources to parents or not to give?

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To give resources to parents or not to give?

snarknemesis snarknemesis
Recently my parents found out that I'm kinky and are not supportive. They are, however, open to learning about kink, particularly because I am trying to explain to them how safe everything that I am engaging in is. I don't want to give them too much information, though and am just generally looking for some outside opinions.

Would you give someone who is not supportive of the community information about the safety practices of the community or just leave them alone?
08/10/2012
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Midnightsun327 Midnightsun327
If they are willing to learn, ask them if it would be easier if they read about it and just came to you with any questions. For many parents, it is easier to get information from a third party when it comes to the private, intimate lives of their children.
08/10/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
This post gives some excellent advice and an example "coming out" letter that i think is really awesome.
It is originally posted HERE but you need to belong to the site in order to log in and access the writing, which i think is well worth doing. As it's not something i wrote, i'm not comfortable copy-pasting, but it's not too complicated to sign up on Fetlife and there's other benefits of doing so. i recommend it. Anyway, i haven't read it but i've heard/seen it recommended a number of times and the author of the post i linked recommends a book called "When Someone You Love is Kinky" by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, available HERE on Amazon. Unfortunately, EF doesn't seem to carry it. The description of the book on Amazon is: "When Someone You Love Is Kinky to help "non-kinky" folks understand and communicate with their kinky friends, partners, and relatives. Included are guidelines for dealing with the emotional turmoil of the coming-out process; brief and non-threatening descriptions of the commonest kinks (and ideas about why people enjoy them); suggestions for how to talk to your kinky friend or relative in ways that promote good communication; explanation of how kinky people keep themselves safe while exploring diverse sexualities; a glossary of commonly used terminology from the kink communities; a resource guide to help the reader find further information and support."
i think asking them if they would like more information is a good place to start. In general, i assure people i "come out" to that my relationships and practices are safe and consensual and ask them if they would like to know anything else. Let them know you can recommend books or answer their questions as they prefer. i think it's very important to be as open as you can and answer any questions they have as thoroughly and honestly as possible. Hope this helps. Good luck!
08/10/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
I'm gonna second referring to outside sources. One - because your parents probably don't need to know the intimate details of your personal relationship. Two - because hearing things from an educated source is often (though sadly) more believable than hearing it from one person, especially a person who is your child. You can open the door to questions from them, but be prepared for the potential of them asking too much or not understanding when you answer. If they ask and don't understand your answer, try to find a resource that pertains specifically to that question.

I haven't read "When Someone You Love Is Kinky," but if Charletnarouh backs it, I'm gonna go ahead and back it too. She's a smart cookie!
08/10/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I'm gonna second referring to outside sources. One - because your parents probably don't need to know the intimate details of your personal relationship. Two - because hearing things from an educated source is often (though sadly) more ...
Awwwww! Thanks Kira. Like i said, haven't read it, but i've read others by the authors and have heard many good things about it.
08/10/2012
Katelyn Katelyn
I loved the Fetlife post on "coming out to the parents". It interested me how she kept linking things she learned through BDSM to her everyday life, a wedding speech, self confidence, overcoming fears. This is a wonderful way to use reading material. I agree with Kira in that your parents don't need to know intimate details they just may be interested in "why" you do what you do.
08/10/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Yep, it helps a lot to have a professional verify that the activities you enjoy are safe and healthy. It can be a bit scary to an outsider
08/11/2012
MimiPhryxus MimiPhryxus
o.o I'm not sure if I would personally. I feel like the more they delve into it the more I would be uncomfortable about it.
I'm lucky in that my parents are in a Don't Ask Don't Tell mindset about my sex life.

The When Someone You Love is Kinky book sounds like a great resource and will probably be your best bet.
08/11/2012
snarknemesis snarknemesis
Thank you everyone! I have a copy of When Someone You Love is Kinky and am definitely going to read it and think about whether it's a good idea to send it to them or not. They haven't said anything about it for a few weeks so I'm thinking it might be a good idea to just let it lie and maybe deal with it the next time it comes up.
08/11/2012
SavingMyself SavingMyself
If they are willing to learn, I would definitely give them the information
09/27/2012
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 8