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Wave that freak flag!

Supervixen Supervixen
When people refer to kinksters as "freaks," do you find it offensive? Or do you think of it as a badge of honor? Or do you think it's just a silly term used by people who don't get BDSM or people who think it's a positive term?
11/09/2012
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Ansley Ansley
I have always thought of it as a compliment. Why? Because their judgmental label just means they fear me, if they fear me that means I hold power. If wielded correctly, it can be a very powerful learning moment for both of us or one of us; as long as someone is learning, I'm good.
11/09/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
I think it shows that the person speaking is uneducated about BDSM. That's about it. I don't generally find any word to be offensive. Words are words. I've always considered myself to be a bit of a "freak," but that's just my personality. Nothing to do with my BDSM life.
11/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I think it shows that the person speaking is uneducated about BDSM. That's about it. I don't generally find any word to be offensive. Words are words. I've always considered myself to be a bit of a "freak," but that's ...
I know this is posted in the BDSM community and that's the demographic the post is aimed towards, but I can't help but feel excluded when people who are into the BDSM lifestyle, refer to kink as solely a BDSM-driven activity. There's a ton of ways to be kinky, it doesn't always have to involve bondage, domination, or submission.
11/09/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I have always thought of it as a compliment. Why? Because their judgmental label just means they fear me, if they fear me that means I hold power. If wielded correctly, it can be a very powerful learning moment for both of us or one of us; as long as ...
I will agree with Stormy on this one...the things people call us speak more about their own problems and hangups than it does about what we are doing.
They learn or they get backhanded verbally. Either way works for me!
11/09/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I know this is posted in the BDSM community and that's the demographic the post is aimed towards, but I can't help but feel excluded when people who are into the BDSM lifestyle, refer to kink as solely a BDSM-driven activity. There's a ...
What would you consider "kinky" and not BDSM? Not meaning offense or saying your opinion is wrong. I just sat here and tried to think of kinky non-BDSM things and drew a blank. lol
11/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
What would you consider "kinky" and not BDSM? Not meaning offense or saying your opinion is wrong. I just sat here and tried to think of kinky non-BDSM things and drew a blank. lol
No offense taken. But, thank you for proving my point.

Fetishism falls under the kinky category and with the risk of starting a flame war, I fetishize gay sex. I think it's hot and I masturbate to the idea a lot. I have toys designed to come as close as possible to an MMF scenario without actually involving a third person.

There are things that I require to get off that fall outside of the "vanilla" definition of sex and masturbation. My husband is the same way.
11/09/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
No offense taken. But, thank you for proving my point.

Fetishism falls under the kinky category and with the risk of starting a flame war, I fetishize gay sex. I think it's hot and I masturbate to the idea a lot. I have toys designed to ...
LOL No problem!

I guess I'd consider that "vanilla enhanced"? Maybe I'm becoming immune or something, but MMF doesn't send up the "kink" or "fetish" flag to me. lol
11/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
LOL No problem!

I guess I'd consider that "vanilla enhanced"? Maybe I'm becoming immune or something, but MMF doesn't send up the "kink" or "fetish" flag to me. lol
The difference is fantasy versus necessity as my darling Airen pointed out. It's a necessity for me to get turned on because I am so desensitized to normal or vanilla interactions.
11/09/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Having sex outside is kinky. It doesn't involve BDSM at all but it IS undeniably kinky. Having sex in a car...or masturbating in the passenger seat while travelling is kinky, again this doesn't involve BDSM.
Shit getting a hotel room for the sole purpose of having sex is kinky. Lots of things are kinky without being anywhere near BDSM.
11/09/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I know this is posted in the BDSM community and that's the demographic the post is aimed towards, but I can't help but feel excluded when people who are into the BDSM lifestyle, refer to kink as solely a BDSM-driven activity. There's a ...
Sorry...my intention wasn't to exclude anyone. I thought I was posting in the category that most people would put it in.

The topic is of course open to everyone.
11/09/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Well, crap, guys. I've been doing all sorts of kinky things that I thought were vanilla. X.x Now I officially haven't had vanilla sex in, like, six years. Eek!
11/09/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
The difference is fantasy versus necessity as my darling Airen pointed out. It's a necessity for me to get turned on because I am so desensitized to normal or vanilla interactions.
Absolutely, a fetish is something you need for arousal. Be it a thought or an actual object, you have to have it or you cannot get aroused. A kink is something that is appealing and may get you aroused but is not necessary to either arousal or orgasm.

So if you cannot get aroused without the sound of buzzing bees you are a fetishist and your fetish is buzzing bees. If the sound arouses you but you get aroused without the sound then you have a kink for buzzing bees.
11/09/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Supervixen
Sorry...my intention wasn't to exclude anyone. I thought I was posting in the category that most people would put it in.

The topic is of course open to everyone.
Oh heck don't worry half the time people don't even realize the forum a post is in...this is mild conversation for us.
11/09/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Well, crap, guys. I've been doing all sorts of kinky things that I thought were vanilla. X.x Now I officially haven't had vanilla sex in, like, six years. Eek!
Hell vanilla is just a flavor....spice it on up and enjoy every bite!
11/09/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Hell vanilla is just a flavor....spice it on up and enjoy every bite!
Hehe!
11/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Oh heck don't worry half the time people don't even realize the forum a post is in...this is mild conversation for us.
Yep, yep.

I'm actually dying to get rid of some of these subcategories and streamline things a bit more. I guess that's a project for 2013.
11/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Well, crap, guys. I've been doing all sorts of kinky things that I thought were vanilla. X.x Now I officially haven't had vanilla sex in, like, six years. Eek!
See? *high five* Kinky before kinky was cool.

I think there's definitely a defining moment in one's sexual exploration that pushes them from vanilla to kinky. Psychological definitions try to limit what fits in that category and what doesn't, but in my opinion if it's something you had to think about, something you had to weigh the benefits and consequences should you be outed for your behavior then it's probably kinky. If you think the general public - or your mother - would look at you like you were an alien if you told them you really needed [x] to get off, then it's probably just left of vanilla.

There are of course, obvious extremes to all of this; and of course exceptions to the rule.
11/09/2012
Nyx (Under the Covers) Nyx (Under the Covers)
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
See? *high five* Kinky before kinky was cool.

I think there's definitely a defining moment in one's sexual exploration that pushes them from vanilla to kinky. Psychological definitions try to limit what fits in that category and what ...
I'd completely agree with that definition of "kinky"! If you ever have had to consider whether people would think you're a freak for something that gets you off (I also find guy-on-guy to be incredibly hot, btw), you are probably a little kinky. But I personally think that kink makes life more interesting!
11/10/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
When i refer to BDSM, i'm usually do it in this way: BDSM/kink/fetish/leath er and sometimes i even add etc. at the end. Even when i don't include the additions, i generally mean anything that falls into "not vanilla" territory, and lets face it, really, most people have at least a kink or a fetish or something even if they don't know it or realize that it's a kink. In my experience, most BDSM folks are happy to include people whose kinks and whatnot aren't strictly within the letter (letters?) of BDSM. It just happens to be the term that most people are familiar with, but i certainly never mean it to be exclusive in any way.

i don't think that i can point to any defining moment in my sexual past that shifted me from vanilla to kinky. i have had plenty of non-BDSM sex, but i don't really know where the line is between vanilla and kink because i think it's different for everyone. For me, experimenting with some light bondage (the silk ties variety) and a blindfold, or some light hand spanking, or strap-on sex falls into the vanilla to very tame kink spectrum at best. For other people, that's oooooooh kinky to *gasp* I could never, even going so far as completely squicking some folks. i have my *gasp* I could never and even my squicks and i'd consider myself at least moderately kinky, but that's only by my standards. So yeah, i have no idea when i crossed the line into kink but it was probably around some of my earliest fantasies, depending on whose scale you're using. Lol!

Now, to the original question. Like most terms that are sometimes used derogatorily, there's always the possibility of reclaiming it. Dyke and fag and queer, for example. All used against people, all reclaimed. Freak is the same way. BUT, it completely depends on who is using it and how it is used. Like the "n" word. Like, if i name myself a dyke, or if a good friend sees me doing something particularly butch or stereotypically lesbian and calls me "such a dyke" and we laugh about it, that's different than someone seeing me kissing my Girlfriend in public and sneering or disgustedly proclaiming us "Dykes." When P!nk sings "All my underdogs, we will never be, never be, anything but loud and nitty gritty dirty little freaks!" that's a positive reclaiming of the word. When someone calls someone a freak because they don't understand them or are intentionally being hurtful, that's a different story. When someone dismisses an entire segment of the population (where my underdogs at?!?!) by calling them freaks merely because they have different tastes and preferences or a different lifestyle, it is closed minded and bigoted.
11/11/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
When i refer to BDSM, i'm usually do it in this way: BDSM/kink/fetish/leath er and sometimes i even add etc. at the end. Even when i don't include the additions, i generally mean anything that falls into "not vanilla" territory, and ...
I agree with that--it depends on how you say something rather than the actual term itself. My girlfriends have jokingly referred to ourselves as bitches, but we know it's joking. If we called each other bitches while angry, it would take on a different meaning. I've told gay friends of mine when they do something stereotypical that they are so gay, and they've laughed and agreed with me. Same with fag, breeder, dyke, etc. Which makes me think of name calling in the bedroom. I love it when my guy calls me slut, whore, pet, slave, etc. in the bedroom because of the context. I get turned on by dirty talk, and over the taboo nature of it, and it fits our role playing and Dom/sub roles nicely. However, he never has and never would call me those names outside of our bedroom banter. The context changes and so the meaning changes.

But we joke about being "freaks" in the same way that I call myself a pervert. I mean I'm a very sexual person and I'm very interested in my sexuality and explore it all the time. Not because that's a "perverted" thing to do; I'm saying it in a tongue and cheek sort of way, because we live in a society that is not as open about or positive about sex as I think would be healthy. I'm not really a pervert, but I'll take the label and apply it to myself in a cheeky way before someone else does, and does it in a mean way; it tends to take the teeth out of the hurt that the label is intended to cause.
11/11/2012
Caus Caus
I don't think I've ever been called a freak, and it might be because I'm so blunt about what my interests are. I suppose the day someone does call me a freak, I'd just laugh because there are much worse things for people to have as interests than a little bit of rough love.
11/12/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
I'd say it shows that they're uneducated. Sure, BDSM is weird, but everyone (should) have some weirdness to them, it makes life fun
11/12/2012
Total posts: 23
Unique posters: 8