Where to go next?

BrokeNHorny BrokeNHorny
Hey everyone! My partner and I have been getting into the light bondage scene, and have liked what we've seen. We've used handcuffs and scarves to tie up each others wrists, and had a great time doing it. However, when we got a surprise me review for a jockstrap and leash, we weren't really thrilled. What have you all enjoyed in your early days of bondage? Where do we go from here? Personal experiences would be great, and tips and tricks are never turned away.
05/22/2009
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Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Was it the idea of jockstrap/leash you didn't like? Or just the product? Do you like the idea of collar/leash at all?
05/23/2009
Perish Perish
Spanking,choking,burni ng,begging and pain phase should be next.
05/23/2009
Sammi Sammi
Quote:
Originally posted by BrokeNHorny
Hey everyone! My partner and I have been getting into the light bondage scene, and have liked what we've seen. We've used handcuffs and scarves to tie up each others wrists, and had a great time doing it. However, when we got a surprise me ... More
We went from that to padded cuffs and blindfolds, and also tying up legs. Some real anticipatory play, but still pretty gentle.
05/23/2009
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Perish
Spanking,choking,burni ng,begging and pain phase should be next.
Perish, that's a bit too extreme of a leap. They are beginners, and are asking for the next step. Clearly, they have only been doing tying up.
05/23/2009
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by BrokeNHorny
Hey everyone! My partner and I have been getting into the light bondage scene, and have liked what we've seen. We've used handcuffs and scarves to tie up each others wrists, and had a great time doing it. However, when we got a surprise me ... More
I'd suggest going over a whole list of fetishes/kinks/etc. You can probably find one on the internet somewhere. Make sure you know what each kink is. Then, both of you sit down and go over, "Well, I might be interested in that." to "No, definitely not." Maybe even mark your responses in different colors to differentiate which check marks are yours and your partner's. Whenever I am with someone new, I try to ask them flat out. It's a lot easier than trying to hack into their porn folder!
05/23/2009
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Perish,

The assumption that anyone into light bondage is also going to want to play with pain and humiliation is whacked, Dude.

Someone came and asked a valid question. If you don't have a valid answer that makes sense and doesn't come across as judgmental as fuck...

Do what you're mama should have taught you. Don't say anything at all.

BrokeNHorny,

Try different positions and different products for restraint. Soft cuffs, hogtie kits, etc. Try standing bondage. Try sensation play along with your bondage. One of the new massage candles would probably be fun. Warm wax that isn't painful. Feathers, ticklers, a remote control vibrator.

Just... do what feels good. And talk about where you each want to go. Do you like the power play that comes with bondage? Or just the feel of the bondage itself. Determine what, exactly, turns you on and you'll better be able to see what direction you want to go.

Good luck!
05/23/2009
Liz2 Liz2
In addition to Carrie Ann's suggestions, go slow...slow. Don't get all tied up with knots, which can be painful and a bitch to release.

Perhaps the Under The Bed Restraint System should help.

Also really listen to each other.
05/23/2009
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Oh, and establish a safe word. If someone freaks out, or feels uncomfortable, do NOT be afraid to use it. I agree highly with Liz and what Carrie Ann said.
05/23/2009
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
You said you like tying up, so you could explore farther into that direction. If you've tried and enjoyed soft cuffs, try leather, or locking cuffs, or police-style cuffs, or heck go try tub cuffs! If you're not sure you like the idea of an underbed restraint set, you can quickly rig up something similar out of clothsline and twine and a bit of knots know-how.
- measure out a long piece of clothsline
- make a loop on each end to clip your cuffs to
- "whip" (a kind of knot) the loops closed with the twine
- repeat on a second piece of clothsline
- slide under your bed, or wrap around head- and foot-boards, etc
Other than the time it took to learn to "whip" the ends, it took me all of half an hour to rig this up. It won't last forever, but it will let you play with the concept and setup to see if it does anything for you, before you buy something.

If you want to try flogging, start with something very non-threatening. The small rubber whips are a good place to start (think grown-up Koosh-ball). If these aren't appealing, the Fluffy Flogger is also a wonderful place to start, but pricier and requires a bit more care. However, it's a great piece. It's what I used to introduce flogging into my relationship, when both of us were turned on by the idea but a bit scared of trying.

If these don't appeal to you, you can see if gentle spanking does anything for you; if not, turn your back on the impact fetish and see what floats your boat. Just remember to have fun. In the world of gentle bondage, if you're not enjoying it, don't do it.
05/23/2009
BrokeNHorny BrokeNHorny
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
Was it the idea of jockstrap/leash you didn't like? Or just the product? Do you like the idea of collar/leash at all?
Part of it was the product, as it wasn't very well made, but we couldn't even really take it seriously. Honestly, it made us both laugh so much, and it kind of killed any seriousness.
05/23/2009
BrokeNHorny BrokeNHorny
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
We went from that to padded cuffs and blindfolds, and also tying up legs. Some real anticipatory play, but still pretty gentle.
What did you use for tying up the legs? Also, did it get in the way/restrict the number of positions?
05/23/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by BrokeNHorny
Part of it was the product, as it wasn't very well made, but we couldn't even really take it seriously. Honestly, it made us both laugh so much, and it kind of killed any seriousness.
I might suggest a normal collar and/or leash, then. I do think the jock strap thing is a bit silly.


Also, you can get ankle cuffs and spreader bars for lower body restraint. Or something like under the bed restraints. They even make thigh cuffs.
05/23/2009
Perish Perish
I was simply joking. Don't take things to serious. I know i shouldn't joke around when some one is asking for advice but i like to lighten things up sometimes.
05/23/2009
Perish Perish
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Perish,

The assumption that anyone into light bondage is also going to want to play with pain and humiliation is whacked, Dude.

Someone came and asked a valid question. If you don't have a valid answer that makes sense and ... More
I never made an assumption i made a suggestion :} Two different things lol
(Someone didn't pay attention in class).

I don't want to insult you but you really need to get off my dick here.
05/23/2009
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Perish
I was simply joking. Don't take things to serious. I know i shouldn't joke around when some one is asking for advice but i like to lighten things up sometimes.
Well, it wasn't appreciated. This sort of thread takes a lot of seriousness, BDSM is not a joke.
05/23/2009
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Perish
I never made an assumption i made a suggestion :} Two different things lol
(Someone didn't pay attention in class).

I don't want to insult you but you really need to get off my dick here.
No, you made a joke. I think you need to rethink anything before you type it out again.
05/23/2009
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Quote:
Originally posted by Perish
I never made an assumption i made a suggestion :} Two different things lol
(Someone didn't pay attention in class).

I don't want to insult you but you really need to get off my dick here.
Joke or suggestion? Make up your mind.

And feel free to burn and choke yourself while you're at it. *just a suggestion!*

Seriously, though, it's often hard enough for folks to ask questions. Why make it harder by making a joke of their curiosity or offering uneducated suggestion?
05/23/2009
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Joke or suggestion? Make up your mind.

And feel free to burn and choke yourself while you're at it. *just a suggestion!*

Seriously, though, it's often hard enough for folks to ask questions. Why make it harder by making a ... More
Seconded. I feel that I answer any advice with a bit of insight and maybe a joke (that DOESN'T focus on them, because that comes off as ridiculing.) More like a funny incident from my past that helped me learn and grow. It makes the response more personable, and educated. A lot of us here are professionals, and responses like Perish's undermines that.

Joke =/= Suggestion.
05/23/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
A friend and I both own under-the-bed restraints and LOVE THEM. LOOOOOVE them!
05/23/2009
Red Red
Quote:
Originally posted by BrokeNHorny
Hey everyone! My partner and I have been getting into the light bondage scene, and have liked what we've seen. We've used handcuffs and scarves to tie up each others wrists, and had a great time doing it. However, when we got a surprise me ... More
See if your local sex sex shop ever runs classes; a BDSM101 class is a really common offering in even limited class offerings. You'll get a sampling of a number of common BDSM things as will be able to see if anything tickles your fancy.

In lieu of that, and in addition to the many good ideas in this thread, look into:

- Saran wrap for quick bondage, and fun stuff like partial and full mummification. That only sounds hardcore - it's not very complicated or threatening to play with being covered in saran wrap!

- climps and clamps for your dollar store. clothespins are cheap and fun to play around with, as are many hairclips. Just be sure to test them on the skin between your thumb and forefinger first to see how hardcore they will be on tender tissure. Start off putting them on nipples, go from there. Doing scrotum or outer labia can be really fun as well...

- Low level impact play. Pick up something like a paint stirrer (clean and new paint stirrer!) and play around with slapping ass and thighs and boobs during sex or bondage. Go from there! Be sure to test out whatever implement on yourself before use on your partner. Paint stirrers are wide an flexible, so the impact is cushioned over a big area and is very mellow.

- You can also play around in a bit of dominance and submission to see if that fits you guys as well. Do a trial evening with someone designated as being in charge and see if that mixes well into the bondage you already do....or whatever.

That's it - explore! Try stuff out - if you like it, cool, if not, no biggie. Enjoy the journey!
05/23/2009
Perish Perish
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Joke or suggestion? Make up your mind.

And feel free to burn and choke yourself while you're at it. *just a suggestion!*

Seriously, though, it's often hard enough for folks to ask questions. Why make it harder by making a ... More
I don't think it is that hard to sit behind a computer and ask a question. I showed your reply to a friend and he found it kind of funny that a 39 year old lady is trying to flame on a 20 year old lol. In my opinion you're pathetic. Well since Bodymodboy is saying it is a joke then it's a joke. Could be both i guess. Ah... before i leave this thread, i will say one last thing directly towards you. Ahem, in the future i would suggest if you're going to try and attack someones ignorance with stupidity, i *suggest* you go and kill your pathetic self. 39 years old really? I will admit i'm immature at some point but i would expect more from someone that is as old as you are.

done.
05/24/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Perish
I don't think it is that hard to sit behind a computer and ask a question. I showed your reply to a friend and he found it kind of funny that a 39 year old lady is trying to flame on a 20 year old lol. In my opinion you're pathetic. Well ... More
What the fuck man?! Your suggestion was not helpful and was especially not helpful considering the gravity of some BDSM suggestions. Furthermore, it could potentially alienate community members. We don't need to be brushing off new folks who come to use for advice. Especially when you say "don't think it is that hard to sit behind a computer and ask a question." I'm glad you're so amazingly self confident but it CAN be difficult to ask questions, especially about sex.

Carrie Ann made a valid point AND pointed out why your joke wasn't helpful. I'm not sure why you had to bring up her age or start insulting her, neither of which she did to you.
05/24/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
What the fuck man?! Your suggestion was not helpful and was especially not helpful considering the gravity of some BDSM suggestions. Furthermore, it could potentially alienate community members. We don't need to be brushing off new folks who come ... More
BDSM situations*
05/24/2009
Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Quote:
Originally posted by BrokeNHorny
Hey everyone! My partner and I have been getting into the light bondage scene, and have liked what we've seen. We've used handcuffs and scarves to tie up each others wrists, and had a great time doing it. However, when we got a surprise me ... More
There have been some great suggestions here.

You may also think about picking up a book. I'm finding the books I picked up very helpful in moving forward with our play. I was like you - I didn't have any ideas what to do next. I also wanted to make sure I was being safe. (this thread discusses it: link)

I wound up picking up both the books suggested and reading the website Carrie Ann provided. I'm working my way through all three.
05/24/2009
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
What the fuck man?! Your suggestion was not helpful and was especially not helpful considering the gravity of some BDSM suggestions. Furthermore, it could potentially alienate community members. We don't need to be brushing off new folks who come ... More
No worries.

I AM 39. Saying "omg, you're 39!!!!!" can't insult me too much. Hell, I'm pretty sure there's nothing at all perish could say that would insult me. His opinion just doesn't matter.

I do hope, however, that he hasn't made other folks nervous about getting that sort of response if they ask questions. That would be a shame.
05/24/2009
Jessica Elizabeth Jessica Elizabeth
@BrokenHorny

I agree with many of the suggestions. I'd try more bondage, such as under the bed bondage, or if you have a 4 poster bed, try being tied up all spread eagle like. Also, standing bondage, such as in the frame of a door could be very fun and sensual for you.

Sensory play such as scratching, ice or candle wax would be a good step as well. As well as blindfolds or perhaps gags. I also like the idea of a paint stirrer, and you could find other easy things such as a hairbrush for "thwapping."

Regarding clothespins though, they can be much tighter than a regular clamp. My personal suggestion if you want to try clips and clamps (which i highly suggest) would be to get actual nipple clamps that are adjustable.

When trying new things, please try only one thing at a time so that while you're "reviewing" the experience in your mind it's not befuddled by other new experiences at the same time.

And yes: please set up a safe word!! I suggest the stoplights red: STOP NOW! yellow: lighter/move location green: YES MORE!!
05/24/2009
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Perish
I don't think it is that hard to sit behind a computer and ask a question. I showed your reply to a friend and he found it kind of funny that a 39 year old lady is trying to flame on a 20 year old lol. In my opinion you're pathetic. Well ... More
Excuse me, you said it was a joke. I'm filing a complaint against you to the program manager, I hope you will take this as a sign to grow up and get mature. Your immature boyish tactics do not work on a thread with adults.
05/24/2009
Perish Perish
Quote:
Originally posted by bodymodboy
Excuse me, you said it was a joke. I'm filing a complaint against you to the program manager, I hope you will take this as a sign to grow up and get mature. Your immature boyish tactics do not work on a thread with adults.
I was defending myself from getting flamed on. If i get into trouble for anything else than making a stupid reply and defending myself then what ever.
05/24/2009
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
No worries.

I AM 39. Saying "omg, you're 39!!!!!" can't insult me too much. Hell, I'm pretty sure there's nothing at all perish could say that would insult me. His opinion just doesn't matter.

I do hope, ... More
Well, he called me a faggot in PM and said he had his dick in my mouth. It just proves his immaturity.
05/24/2009
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