Would you confide in your doctor that you are into BDSM?

phoenixfire phoenixfire
---or admit to it if he or she asked? I am curious to see whether or not there is a gender divide in the answers. I think it is probably a good idea to let my doctors know about this, and I am comfortable with my kink enough to say something if needed. What gets touchy is that a lot of people equate BDSM with domestic violence, or assume that people who are into BDSM have DV in their pasts.

This is absolutely *not* true in my case, and my only reservation about confiding in my doctor is that he will suspect my partner of abuse. (Will my doctor think it is an "I fell down the stairs," sort of excuse?)

What would your advice be?
12/19/2012
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NymphetamineKiss NymphetamineKiss
If I had bruises or similar that would be noticed, yes I would. Simply to aid in their diagnosis. If they tried to suggest it was abusive, I would insist this was not the case, but to be honest I think that's becoming less likely in the wake of 50shades etc.
12/19/2012
Beck Beck
I wouldn't feel the need to tell them unless they are wondering why my ass is so bruised or I have marks around my wrist.
12/20/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I wouldn't feel the need to tell them unless they are wondering why my ass is so bruised or I have marks around my wrist.
I agree with this. I'm not gonna go out of my way to mention it, but if they were asking about bruises and assuming I was being abused I'd set them straight.
12/20/2012
RavenInChains RavenInChains
Quote:
Originally posted by phoenixfire
---or admit to it if he or she asked? I am curious to see whether or not there is a gender divide in the answers. I think it is probably a good idea to let my doctors know about this, and I am comfortable with my kink enough to say something if ... More
If it directly pertains to the issue I'm talking with my doctor about I would. I obviously wouldn't just bring it up. If they asked I would be open with them, because excuses will make it sound a lot more like you are in a violent situation.
12/20/2012
Happenstance Happenstance
More pressing an issue is how trans* people are treated in hospitals. You think getting investigated for possible abuse is awkward or a hassle, try getting denied life-saving medical treatment because the doctor sees you as less then human, or they don't know how to deal with you just because your hormone levels or your genitals or your gender on your records aren't what they think they "should" be. So they leave you to die just to cover their ass--using malpractice fears as an excuse for their bigotry. Try getting misgendered every time you go to the hospital. Try listening to doctors ask you endless questions about your transition process when it's irrelevant, and blaming everything on the fact that you're on hormones and they try to scare you or coerce you into stopping HRT, telling you it will give you cancer or some bullshit.
12/20/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Happenstance
More pressing an issue is how trans* people are treated in hospitals. You think getting investigated for possible abuse is awkward or a hassle, try getting denied life-saving medical treatment because the doctor sees you as less then human, or they ... More
These are two totally unrelated things. If you'd like to discuss how doctors treat trans* people, perhaps you could start another thread on it? More people are likely to respond to this particular topic in a thread for it than in the BDSM forum.
12/20/2012
Ashleyxx Ashleyxx
Quote:
Originally posted by phoenixfire
---or admit to it if he or she asked? I am curious to see whether or not there is a gender divide in the answers. I think it is probably a good idea to let my doctors know about this, and I am comfortable with my kink enough to say something if ... More
I would if the subject came up. I would much rather them know the truth verses something horrid the imagined happened
12/20/2012
MasqueVivi MasqueVivi
Not unless I had visible marks or bruises (which I try to avoid getting around medical appointments) or something that was actually relevant.

Also chiming in, I am more than sympathetic to the horrors trans* people have to deal with in medical facilities, but I do definitely reccomend you make that it's own thread, Happenstance.
12/20/2012
Happenstance Happenstance
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
These are two totally unrelated things. If you'd like to discuss how doctors treat trans* people, perhaps you could start another thread on it? More people are likely to respond to this particular topic in a thread for it than in the BDSM forum.
Unrelated? Unrelated if I am a trans* person into BDSM? You act like in a trans* forum is the only place I can talk about trans* issues, when we are people, just as you, and we exist everywhere and we have lives that involve things like BDSM sometimes-- or shoes, or lawnmowers, or whatever. And for ME, when I get certain surgeries and/or HRT, I won't give a shit whether I have visible bruises when I go visit the doctor, because I'll be more worried that the doctor is a bigot who might do me more harm than good because I'm trans*! It's like- yeah, WELL... Good for you that you only have THAT to worry about, when I would have to worry about BOTH, and being trans* in a hospital trumps a few bruises as far as probability that I'm gonna get hassled and treated like shit.
12/20/2012
Mikemanz Mikemanz
never thought of it
12/20/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by Happenstance
Unrelated? Unrelated if I am a trans* person into BDSM? You act like in a trans* forum is the only place I can talk about trans* issues, when we are people, just as you, and we exist everywhere and we have lives that involve things like BDSM ... More
Your comment was unrelated. You mentioned nothing about BDSM until now. I'm sorry that you feel you aren't treated as a human being in the doctors office, but the way you are presenting your words makes it sound like your issues are far worse than anyone else. It comes off as very rude.
12/20/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Happenstance
Unrelated? Unrelated if I am a trans* person into BDSM? You act like in a trans* forum is the only place I can talk about trans* issues, when we are people, just as you, and we exist everywhere and we have lives that involve things like BDSM ... More
I'm gonna second what Beck said. Of course you're into all sorts of things. I never said anything to the contrary. I'm into stuff outside of BDSM too. However, if I want to discuss things outside of BDSM, I'll post them in a different forum category. If I want to discuss something BDSM specific, I'll post it here. That's why there's different categories.

And for what it's worth playing "my problems are worse than yours" comes off as childish. Also for what it's worth, I have a very serious mental illness that causes doctors to treat me like I'm incompetent and a moron. So no, I don't only have bruises to worry about. Especially since doctors rarely if ever see them but ALWAYS see my medical records that say I'm nuts. I've been sent away from ERs because they assume I'm thinking myself sick when things were really wrong. I've been given medications that make my condition worse by doctors that don't know how the pills react with mentally ill people. If you think the only thing doctors will harass you about is being trans, I can assure you that you're wrong. I get harassed and treated like shit by most every doctor other than my mental specific ones.

I'm truly sorry that you have to go through that with the medical community. However, I feel like posting this in a different area would yield you better results.
12/20/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
Even though medical persons aren't supposed to be judgmental they are, just like any other profession. If you are different, you are judged. I have seen bruises in the ER and had patients tell me that they were put there with play and no it is not abuse. I don't take it any further.

Yes, Kira I have seen the way that persons with mental illness get disregarded. I have seen the way that people who come in with pain get treated if the MD thinks that they are looking for drugs.

I have seen the way that trans- gendered persons are treated. If you are trans gendered there are concerns with the HRT and your heart. You have special needs because there are medical issues related to your meds and we need to treat both the female and male issues. It isn't to treat you differently.

I have seen many trans gendered individuals who are really in your face with their attitudes and they come in looking for a fight.
12/20/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
Because of my experience as a nurse and with the new electronic medical records. I am very careful of what I will let my doctor put on my medical records. I am fearful that if I am honest with my doctor that the information will follow me everywhere.
12/20/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by travelnurse
Because of my experience as a nurse and with the new electronic medical records. I am very careful of what I will let my doctor put on my medical records. I am fearful that if I am honest with my doctor that the information will follow me ... More
I'm not a fan of those things. Every doctor I go to has information they don't need about whatever my current ailment is. You really don't need my life history because I have a cough. It makes it very hard to be honest in therapy when the ER gets all those records too and uses them against me.
12/20/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by travelnurse
Even though medical persons aren't supposed to be judgmental they are, just like any other profession. If you are different, you are judged. I have seen bruises in the ER and had patients tell me that they were put there with play and no it is ... More
What I am gonna say it totally unrelated to medical conditions, but what the hell?

Every time my husband goes to the Dr they refuse to give him anything and turn him right away because of his tattoos. They listen to him talk before the see them, but when he told to get ready for scans and they see him in the gown...their opinion changes right away. You can see it in their face. They still do the scans and check him. Of course, they tell him his back is horrible because he has 4 bulging disc that are within mm of surgery, but still refuse to help him with pain. They think he is only in there for the drugs. Every Dr he goes to is like this. It got the the point where he flipped out on the last one and told him that he will call him when it's too late and he needs surgery.
12/20/2012
KissTheSkyBaby KissTheSkyBaby
Yes if necessary. If I was in a situation that could cause my partner trouble or where I might need to share something medically relivant I will.

Marks and bruises happen even on people who don't partake in BDSM and if a Dr. is going to doubt anything you say then odds are they aren't listening to you when your telling them your true syptoms either. They have their minds already made up, period that's done.

As far as just offering it up without it being needed, I don't, but that has more to do with whats on the rest of my medical record then anything else. As a person with mental health problems I understand that most Drs are probably going to jump to "she's hurting herself" because they don't know any better and then they treat me differently as a result of it.

Heck I've had mental health SPECIALISTS tell me that I only like BDSM as a form of hurting myself, much like cutting. It just saves a whole lot of trouble if I maintain a need to know basis.

It's unfortunate that people in the medical community pass judgment and let their opinion effect patient care but it's a reality. People just have to be ready to stand up for themselves.
12/20/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I'm not a fan of those things. Every doctor I go to has information they don't need about whatever my current ailment is. You really don't need my life history because I have a cough. It makes it very hard to be honest in therapy when ... More
I completely agree with you.
12/20/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
Hey, I actually know someone who had such bad issues with chronic pain after a motorcycle accident and he was so fed up with the doctors and the ER that he finally went to the methadone clinic.

He said at the methadone clinic they don't ask any questions, give you the meds and you can have pain control. Best of all it is free!!!
12/20/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
Well just to be honest, there are a large percentage of health care workers who partake in BDSM. and many have piercing and tattoo's.
12/20/2012
MrWill MrWill
Quote:
Originally posted by Happenstance
Unrelated? Unrelated if I am a trans* person into BDSM? You act like in a trans* forum is the only place I can talk about trans* issues, when we are people, just as you, and we exist everywhere and we have lives that involve things like BDSM ... More
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to agree with everyone else here.

While your points are valid, they aren't related.


I'm a man, and I like pizza... but I don't walk into the pizza shop and start ranting about how much I hate having to deal with male problems.


It's nothing against you at all, and you shouldn't have taken it as such. Beck simply pointed out that it wasn't directly related and that if you wanted a better discussion you should post in the correct forum.



If I had marks from play or I thought something could possibly have caused issues I would certainly tell my doctor (if I had one) before they had to ask.
12/20/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by travelnurse
Hey, I actually know someone who had such bad issues with chronic pain after a motorcycle accident and he was so fed up with the doctors and the ER that he finally went to the methadone clinic.

He said at the methadone clinic they don't ... More
I never even thought about that. What a good back up plan. My husband was ran over by a Pathfinder at the age of 17 and at 32 had a really bad car accident where he broke his neck. He is in chronic pain.
12/20/2012
melissa1973 melissa1973
My doc. is smart enough not to ask. I had an appointment right after a visit from the bf, I know that I had marks on my throat from the belt when I went in the office, noone said a think. just gave a wink and a nod and that was it.
12/20/2012
NakedGeeks NakedGeeks
Quote:
Originally posted by phoenixfire
---or admit to it if he or she asked? I am curious to see whether or not there is a gender divide in the answers. I think it is probably a good idea to let my doctors know about this, and I am comfortable with my kink enough to say something if ... More
I would tell my doctor about it if there was a need to. Doctor's a pretty chill when it comes to that sort of thing. If you don't make it into a big deal the doctor won't either
12/20/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
Also please note that health care providers are required by law to inquire about abuse. It is to help those who are being abused and not by their choice. It is not because you look like you may be into BDSM or pointing any fingers. I actually was asked about bruises to my wrists when I went to work and pushed my sleeves up.

It is to help those who are in abusive situations.
12/20/2012
phoenixfire phoenixfire
Quote:
Originally posted by travelnurse
Also please note that health care providers are required by law to inquire about abuse. It is to help those who are being abused and not by their choice. It is not because you look like you may be into BDSM or pointing any fingers. I actually was ... More
Travelnurse, I understand a doctor's need to report. Actually, I have a family member who is a retired nurse, so I know all about this. That requirement to report is part of what made me ask the original question. That, and fear of electronic records, which also show some mental health issues exacerbated by brain damage.

As for the chronic pain/pain meds side-convo that has been brought up, I deal with chronic pain as well. Usually I try to be very straight up with the doctors and say something like, "Hey, I do not use anything illegally. I am not a druggie just here to get pills. I genuinely hurt here and here in this way because of x condition." It is a shame that I have to anticipate bias like that, but I really feel that I have to.
12/20/2012
SavingMyself SavingMyself
If they asked me directly or if I felt it was relevant to what I was at the doctor for, yes I would, but otherwise I probably wouldn't.
12/21/2012
linnlinn linnlinn
I have the same feeling, if it's relevant to why I'm currently there then yes. But I don't think I would volunteer that information, or information about my sexuality.
12/22/2012
novanilla novanilla
I would with my gynecologist but not with my other doctor, and only on a need-to-know basis. I do tell them the assigned sex of the person I am sleeping with though, because that is important.
12/22/2012
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