Getting around gender issues with pegging.

I think Sex, Lies & Law is referring to that fact that maybe your wife thinks you are, because you want her to take the traditionally "male" role. Maybe showing her the polls and comments from other men stating how they enjoy it as well, will comfort her somewhat. less

I wouldn't be surprised if it's the gender issue for her - our gender is a very strong part of our identity. What she's doing is linking her gender with the presence or absence of something between her legs, not something impossible to understand because what is one of the first things you do with a baby? Yep, look between its legs...

What you might want to try is to think of ways that separate her femininity from her physical configuration at the time. I'd recommend going in with some examples of how she can still be very feminine while wearing a dildo, and then as a couple think of some more ways. You might also want to come to her with some ways you can still be masculine while being pegged to reassure her.

The article cited in the other thread is pretty informative, but from some of his other posts it is pretty obvious that the author is rather atheistic and appears to be a bit hostile to religion - although the type he notes is more of the hellfire-and-brimstone -and-everything-right- wing kind. less

Thanks Scott. You don't happen to have any ideas with separating her femininity from her physical configuration? One thing I was thinking was perhaps if she's wearing some sexy lingerie while she's doing it, maybe that would make her feel more feminin. Beyond that I'm not sure what else you can do. less

Your penis doesn't really "make you a man", does it? While there are some things that are connected (for instance the idea that men (although this really focuses on younger boys) pee everywhere), and there are some things connected with hormones which are connected to "physical configuration" (i.e. beards, low voice, etc.) there is much that isn't connected to genitalia at all. Look at the people with gender identity disorder, for instance the cases of people who were born male but for some reason their genitals were damaged in infancy. I'm not an expert here, but I recall hearing that while they were raised female they never quite felt that they fit in. Gender isn't all connected with the presence of certain anatomical structures.

How this applies to you: The lingerie is a good idea. Also think about non-physical expressions of gender. Your wife's behavior, thought processes, emotions, etc. Think of ways she can let her femininity shine through even with the Nexus on. Also, when you finally get around to pegging don't expect her behaviors to match yours. She might at some point want to be more "in control", but it's very likely that she'll be more comfortable if you can find a way that she can be more like the way she is during other sexual activity (if that sentence makes any sense whatsoever). less

That makes sense Scott. I know I've read about where you can start with the guy on top so that the girl isn't having to do as much work and as you're saying with being more in the position she is used to having sex. I'll have to do some more thinking about it but what your saying makes sense. less

hmm that's true. The only issue with that might be price. I was planning on getting the latigo harness since it seems to have pretty good reviews and is pretty cheap. I'm wanting to start with a double dildo (the Nexus Maximus) since my thought was that making it pleasurable should be the #1 goal but then again if I can't get her to wear it 'cause of the gender issues then she'll never know if it will feel good or not. less

Why don't you get the Latigo and then take some time to customize it and make it special for her. You can use patches (using that iron-on sticky stuff if you don't want to sew), fabric paint, rhinestones (probably talk to a craft store about how to attach them to nylon webbing - you don't need to be more specific than that) or the like? less

hmm that's true. The only issue with that might be price. I was planning on getting the latigo harness since it seems to have pretty good reviews and is pretty cheap. I'm wanting to start with a double dildo (the Nexus Maximus) since my thought was that making it pleasurable should be the #1 goal but then again if I can't get her to wear it 'cause of the gender issues then she'll never know if it will feel good or not. less

With the double ended toys of that type, you can also use it on her as a dildo and use the portion that is for the "wearer" as a handle. You know what I mean? That way it's not just a strap on. You can use the toy on her to warm her up to it. Also, you might try using the harness on her. Strap on her favorite dildo and use it on her, that way you are the "man" and you are strapping on as well... know what I mean? less

I can relate Brian. My wife and I are also Christians, and the journey towards comfortable inclusion of pegging into our sexual repertoire has been one of trial, error, and much communication. It sounds like your wife and I have had similar issues, and what it took for us to resolve them was this: My wife needed reassurance that she was the object of my desire. See, for a while, when pegging was still new to us, I think I overdid it in trying to convince her to try, and I showed very little interest in our usual, but otherwise awesome lovemaking. She was afraid that my interest in her was disappearing. On top of this, she had never heard of pegging, and the notion of wearing a strapon made her feel humiliated at first. She doesn't watch porn, but all of this made her feel like I wanted to insert her into my own male pornographic fantasy. It was just too much new stuff, too soon. Eventually, though, I realized that I had been neglecting her and her needs, and I felt awful. So I started a new approach. We talked about exactly what we both wanted and why, and we agreed that new things sometimes need easing into, without sacrificing the tried and tested (and not to mention more meaningful) sex we'd always enjoyed together. Also, I never let my various fantasies take priority over her. She always knows that she is my world, and the other stuff is just extra. less