I ordered my first harness! First pegging experience. What to expect? Tips?

- Kira - - Kira -
After much discussion, we finally ordered our first harness. This will be our first pegging experience. It's something we've wanted to do for quite some time now but just never seemed to get around to for some reason. I guess nerves were part of it, too.

So...any advice, tips, suggestions?

What should we expect for our first few times?

I feel like such a newbie! There aren't too many things I haven't done sexually, so when I find something it's exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. I'd hate to be bad at anything sexually, you know?
12/06/2011
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bdvnt bdvnt
Don't worry about being bad at something sexually. Most people really enjoy practicing I applaud you for deciding to give it a try. That is awesome for both of you!

The best advice I could offer is to take it slow the first time. It's a lot different when you are controlling the dildo from a harness instead of your hand. Make sure you both communicate and give good instructions/feedback. It won't be a good time to get lost in your fantasy. That could have some bad results. Your first attempt isn't the time to reenact your favorite porn film.

The first few times, you are both going to be learning, so keep that thought in the back of your mind. You may have trouble figuring out the best angle for penetration, how to move your hips when thrusting, what speed works best for both of you, etc. Try not to rate your first time as success or failure. Just talk to one another as you go. If you do that, it will be good the first time, and will get better every time after. If things don't go well the first time, don't worry about it. You'll know what not to do next time, so you'll be better prepared.

You may want to wear the harness around for a few minutes to get used to how it feels. Try holding your hand against a doorframe (to keep it in place) and thrust into it a few times so you understand the hip motion better when you penetrate him. For some people this comes naturally, but based on some of the videos I've seen, for some women it doesn't. Play with it a little. Get used to it. It will be easier to handle when you use it.

I wish you the best of luck! This can be a wonderful addition to your repertoire.
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
My husband actually suggested wearing it around for a few hours to get the feel of it. So I might do that. The door idea is great. I think the thrusting is my biggest concern since it's a whole new motion for me. I'm pretty uncoordinated so I'm sure I'll end up like one of those women on the videos you've seen. lol. I think I'd feel a lot better if I had something to practice up against other than my husband. So I'll do the door thing. Probably a few times actually.

Thanks! I'm really excited!
12/06/2011
Beck Beck
I am excited for you as well. Happy pegging.
12/06/2011
Kindred Kindred
bdvnt gave you a lot of great advice. Basically, think of yourselves as virgins again and what that first experience was like. It will be awkward and a time of learning, so don't have overly high expectations initially. It should still be fun and you may have a few laughs.

I'm assuming your husband already as some anal experience. If not, you nee to play with that first before trying a harness. Definitely wear the harness around for awhile so you get a feel for the weight an comfort. Adjust it as necessary beforehand so you don't have to stop during pegging to adjust it, although you may still have to.

There are also lots of positions you can try: missionary (you can sit back, kneel, or lay on top of him), doggie (kneeling or standing), and don't forget him on top (allows him to control so you don't have to worry about thrusting as much) as good starters.

Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men is a good resource if you are interested. It includes pegging.

Good luck and have fun!
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
beck - Thanks!

Kindred - Yes, he's been doing prostate massage lately and seems to enjoy it. I think that's part of the reason we finally decided to take the leap on the harness.

I didn't even think about letting him be on top. That would probably be good for helping me determine speeds that work well for him too. I don't want to get too over enthusiastic.

Aww. It's out of stock. I set an alert on it. Thanks!!

Thanks!
12/06/2011
JewelsAndB JewelsAndB
I agree with Kindred about having him on top. That is a great starting position for both of you. Also, forget the "traditional" pegging position of doggy style for now, as you will want to see his face so that you can judge how things are progressing. If you decide to be on top, have him lay on his back at the edge of the bed with his legs up. You will find it easy to penetrate him from this position and still be able to communicate (verbally and non-verbally).

Last bit of advice I have is to GO SLOW. As you begin to get the feel for things and understand the motion of your body and his, you can start to speed up.
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
Got it! Thanks!

I'm going to have to go slow I think even once he's ready for me to speed up just for me to get my coordination down. lol
12/06/2011
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
My husband actually suggested wearing it around for a few hours to get the feel of it. So I might do that. The door idea is great. I think the thrusting is my biggest concern since it's a whole new motion for me. I'm pretty uncoordinated so ... More
I agree with wearing it around a bit. It's awkward at first so it definitely helps to just get used to having something protruding like that And like in any other anal play, when you think you've used enough lube, add a little more. For pegging, especially with more matte finish silicone dildos, I highly recommend getting a lube syringe if you don't already have one! Have a great time, it's an awesome turn on and totally thrilling.

Oh, and you might be a little sore after. As much as I'll try any position, somehow being the one doing the thrusting with a harness always worked a few muscles I guess I otherwise neglect. It's a whole new thing, just take it slow!
12/06/2011
ScottA ScottA
I'd say go beyond a couple of thrusts in the doorframe and have a good jack-off session with your new toy. Practice thrusting in multiple positions (of you - do some on your knees, some lying down, etc.) and try out different harness positionings to see what you like best. Also find out how to use the harness and dildo to stimulate yourself. You can promise him and yourself that you'll thrust even if it doesn't get you off, but it's so much better when both partners are in ecstasy.

For first insertion find a position where your partner can be very relaxed, and ignore his penis. Well, not totally, but do the following: make sure he's aroused, then stop the stimulation for the first insertion and a bit afterwards while he's getting used to the dildo. When a man's penis is stimulated he tends to contract his anus, which doesn't help insertion.

Lastly, don't be constrained by how his penis looks. He probably bends upwards, but you want your dildo to curve towards his prostate. If this means you curve down, then go ahead and curve down - it'll feel better for him.
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
I actually think I have some lube syringes laying around. I'll have to dig around and double check. That's a good idea.

Even being on top makes me sore. I'm sure doing actual thrusting is going to be a major work out. Maybe I'll lose a pound or two in the process.
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
I'd say go beyond a couple of thrusts in the doorframe and have a good jack-off session with your new toy. Practice thrusting in multiple positions (of you - do some on your knees, some lying down, etc.) and try out different harness positionings ... More
I'm not sure if I'll be able to actually stimulate myself with the harness. I have a Clit O' Steel so I don't think rocking back and forth from a harness is going to do it for me. At least not bring me to actual climax. It's more the visual for me, I think.

Got it.

Curve the dildo down? Or curve myself down??
12/06/2011
Antipova Antipova
Have fun, lady! Which dildo did you choose?

I think everyone else covered most of the mechanics... we did our first few sessions in a missionary equivalent---him on his back and me facing him above him---and that worked really well for communication and visual confirmation. I don't know if I have a whole lot to add, but I hope you both enjoy it.

Hm. (Wow, I hadn't realized this was such a long time ago... still plays an active part in my fantasy life, but I barely remember when we (former lover and I) were just starting. I know for the week that our harness was shipping to us we spent a lot of time with me grinding him as though I had a harness+cock, for us it was because it was *hot* and not so much to practice, but I realized once the harness arrived I'd figured out the hip motions pretty well. You can work out some of your *omgosh omgosh amazing product in the mail* jitters on your husband that way
12/06/2011
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I'm not sure if I'll be able to actually stimulate myself with the harness. I have a Clit O' Steel so I don't think rocking back and forth from a harness is going to do it for me. At least not bring me to actual climax. It's more ... More
I think he means curve the dildo down (if it has a curve or head to it). Basically you just want the toy to stimulate his prostate as much as possible so however you can make the toy touch/rub/stroke it the most, that's the direction you want the dildo in.
12/06/2011
Kindred Kindred
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I'm not sure if I'll be able to actually stimulate myself with the harness. I have a Clit O' Steel so I don't think rocking back and forth from a harness is going to do it for me. At least not bring me to actual climax. It's more ... More
The curve should point towards his prostate. So in a missionary position, point it upward, in doggie, point it downward.
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
I mostly let him pick the dildo but with a little nudge on the brand from me so he didn't pick anything low quality in material or anything like that.

We ended up with the Silk Medium and Acute. They're the same size as his two prostate massagers so we figured we'd get one in each size and see which one worked better. My deal was that I got to try the dildos first, of course. For review purposes!

Ooo. Okay. Got it. Thanks!!
12/06/2011
Kindred Kindred
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I mostly let him pick the dildo but with a little nudge on the brand from me so he didn't pick anything low quality in material or anything like that.

We ended up with the Silk Medium and Acute. They're the same size as his two ... More
The Acute was the first one we tried and it's a good choice based on size and curvature. The only drawback, and it's not a huge deal, is that the base is really thin and flimsy. I'm not sure why Tantus designed the base like that. My wife likes it for hand use because she has smaller hands, but we don't use it in a harness anymore.
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
The Acute was the first one we tried and it's a good choice based on size and curvature. The only drawback, and it's not a huge deal, is that the base is really thin and flimsy. I'm not sure why Tantus designed the base like that. My ... More
Well that kinda sucks. Does it come out of the harness?
12/06/2011
Kindred Kindred
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Well that kinda sucks. Does it come out of the harness?
It will depend on how tight of an O ring you are using. Because it is floppy, it potentially can come out, particularly if you are in any position that stresses the dildo. If you keep it straight, it shouldn't be much of an issue.
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
I got one of those kits with the different O rings. So I'll use a smaller one. Thanks for the warning. I would have thought I was doing something wrong.
12/06/2011
stlouisxxx stlouisxxx
Just remember the things that you like and don't like while receiving anal. After 1st getting the tip in he might want you to keep still and then slowly insert more.
I find that if I'm not ready receiving at 1st in the doggie position it hurts, if we sometimes start in the missionary position, than I'm quickly ready for anything.
If you 2 have a big height difference doggie may be a bit difficult. Depending on the height of the bed it might be better if you were standing on the edge, but don't forget about bending him over a counter or couch or table.
Have fun
12/06/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by stlouisxxx
Just remember the things that you like and don't like while receiving anal. After 1st getting the tip in he might want you to keep still and then slowly insert more.
I find that if I'm not ready receiving at 1st in the doggie position it ... More
I think standing on the edge might work better for my coordination as well.

Thanks for the tips.

Thanks!
12/06/2011
shepegs shepegs
So did you get the strapon? Did you guys do it?
12/07/2011
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
The Acute was the first one we tried and it's a good choice based on size and curvature. The only drawback, and it's not a huge deal, is that the base is really thin and flimsy. I'm not sure why Tantus designed the base like that. My ... More
Tantus' older dildo designs had floppier bases. The newer designs have been stiffened up quite a bit.
12/07/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Tantus' older dildo designs had floppier bases. The newer designs have been stiffened up quite a bit.
Yes!

Photo evidence over here in this thread.
12/07/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
Everything will be here tomorrow!!

Will I get the old floppy base or the new base?
12/07/2011
Beck Beck
If you find that you have not found a good starter one, the sedeux please is great. It is thin and has a good base.
12/07/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Everything will be here tomorrow!!

Will I get the old floppy base or the new base?
Ask your mailman
12/07/2011
Katelyn Katelyn
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Ask your mailman
Haha, this is great. Good luck with your harness! This is all amazing advice from everyone for the first time user.
12/07/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
beck - I wish I would have know before and I would have gotten that one.

Antipova - I'm now tempted to leave work early tomorrow to literally ask the mailman "Excuse me, sir, do you know which base the dildo in that package you're carrying has?" The reaction would be worth the trouble of leaving early, I think.
12/07/2011
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