Nervous about my wife pegging me

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Nervous about my wife pegging me

Bill220 Bill220
My wife has finally decided that she wants to try pegging. I actually initiated the discussion and after some thought she liked the idea. We're kind of going through our own little sexual revolution together lately. We both purchased new dildos recently and just ordered nipple clamps, a strap on harness, suede flogger, light restraints and a cock ring. We are both very excited about the new toys and trying them out on each other. The one only thing I'm nervous about is the pegging.

I'm very experienced with anal toys and alone, I can use a dildo or other toy and orgasm with no problem whatsoever. With her using a dildo on me by hand, not so much. I tend to go limp almost immediately and seem to tense up and often feel kind of embarrassed, which makes no sense to me. Actually, anytime she goes near my ass I get nervous, which is odd because I use anal toys by myself almost daily. And it's not because I fear not being clean down there. I always do a small enema and shower before hopping into bed. If I could, I'd have a few drinks to loosen up but that is out of the question.

If anyone has suggestions on how to relax and enjoy the pegging, I'd appreciate it. I really want to do it and be able to have a good time. I've been waiting for years to try this.

Thanks everyone!
Bill
12/27/2012
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Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I don't have a great deal of experience - we've done it just a couple of times. I know from solo play that if the toy gets too large, the mind-share that it takes to relax and enjoy the large toy can result in losing my erection.

However when my wife prepares me for penetration by working up from 1 finger to 2, then a vibrating butt plug - all the while adding penile stimulation, I am able to both enjoy the anal play and remain hard.

Then when she does use the harness and dildo, I'm ready and enjoy it a lot. The dildos we have used are the Magnum and Champ. Although large - the Champ is tapered so that I can open gradually. It's quite a thrill to feel the 2" stretch when she buried that thing all the way inside. I could not do it as easily with something that has a large head.

Hope this helps - you may also want to read my RodeoH review link for some additional insights.
12/27/2012
Bill220 Bill220
Thank you, Gunsmoke.

With solo play it's hit or miss with me in respect to complete or partial erections. With my wife (on our more wild nights) I use Cialis, which works great but I still went limp even when she was poking around back there with her finger or tongue, I freeze up and get all nervous. I can take some pretty large toys (A-Bomb is the largest) rather easily. We bought the Simple Vegan Harness and we'll be using the Realistic Cock. I've already used the dildo a few times solo and there's no issue with size or depth.
12/27/2012
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
For what it's worth, I'm not a fan of rubber toys. Silicone is a safer alternative. The Outlaw is similar link

Good luck - relax and enjoy. Maybe additional frequency will help you relax.
12/27/2012
Zandrock Zandrock
Some men lose an erection during anal stimulation. I enjoy it a lot, but do often lose my erection.

It seems to me though that it is all in your head. I would just talk about it, go slow, and slowly become more comfortable about it. Dont rush it, and it sounds like you will enjoy it.

A lot of men thing pegging is equated with being homosexual and they feel bad. This is in no way true at all. Anal stimulation is just anal.

My advice. Take it slow, lots of communication, and the feeling will pass.
12/27/2012
ScottA ScottA
When someone else is using anal toys on you the situation is different than it is with you using them on yourself. On your onw you don't worry about being judged and you know that you'll stop at your limits. With a partner you have to build up the trust again. Start with some finger or small toy play while she's giving you a handjob or blowjob. Figure out your body together, then move on to a bigger handheld toy, then finally pegging.

Don't worry too much about keeping hard - it can come and go. As long as it feels good it is good.
12/27/2012
Bill220 Bill220
@ Gunsmoke - I've used rubber toys for years with zero issues. I'd prefer silicone or the toy that you linked but that's out of my budget right now.

@ Zandrock - I think I'm so used to doing anything anal by myself (like most of my life) that I'm finding it difficult to enjoy it with another person. I guess it'll just take some time.

Thanks to both of you.
12/27/2012
Bill220 Bill220
Thank you, Scott. You make some very good points. I didn't see your post until after I posted my reply to the other two gentleman above.

I guess we'll see how I do once the harness gets here!
12/27/2012
Cat E. Cat E.
You don't sound like you like it so why do it?
12/27/2012
AmethystSmoke AmethystSmoke
As mentioned, it's not uncommon for men to lose their erection during anal stimulation. My husband will usually go limp pretty quickly if he's receiving anal/prostate stimulation alone. That said, the fact that you find yourself going limp soon after your wife begins may not necessarily be related to the embarrassment or tenseness you're experiencing.

I'm not sure how enjoyable you'll find pegging if you're still unable to relax while your wife plays with your ass with toys and fingers. I'll second the advice that you take it slow - even take a step back and let your wife play with you more so you become comfortable (or at least no longer get so tense or embarrassed) before you try pegging.

I'm curious to know what feedback you've received from your wife - both verbal and nonverbal. Could some of your nervousness be a response to her body language, technique, attitude, etc.? Have you tried different positions while she is playing with you?

My husband has gone the opposite route. He's engaged in practically no solo anal play to speak of and not a whole lot of experience with me using my fingers and toys on him - but we tried pegging for the first time almost three months ago. We're still trying to figure out what we like and what works for us - maybe a dozen sessions so far - and right now my husband is really enjoying riding cowboy. He says it's a comfortable position (no maintaining leg positions) and he can easily vary the angle of penetration as well as the thrusting depth and speed.

Bonus: Being on the bottom is very comfortable for me which means all I have to concentrate on is using my hands.
12/27/2012
indiglo indiglo
Great suggestions so far!

I can only think of 1 other suggestion to make. Have you involved your wife in your solo anal sessions? Have her watch you use fingers/toys/whatever on yourself, that will help her to see what you like as far as depth, pacing, etc.

I'd also just echo the suggestion of talking to her. Express all these concerns to her, and then maybe suggest she just sit back and watch how YOU do it yourself - that way she can really take notes, and maybe it will take some of the uncertainty out for you.

Let her watch for a while, then once that feels ok, move up to allowing her hand to be on the toy while YOU continue to control it. Do that for a while, and once that feels ok, you can move on to something else. The process may take weeks or months, but what a fun way to spend all that time!

If you include her as an audience member on your solo sessions, before long you won't be so shy around her for anal play, and maybe that will open up a whole new world for you both. Sounds like it would be a wonderful bonding experience for you both that way too.

And kudos to you both for continuing to explore your sex life together! Enjoy!
12/27/2012
bog bog
Quote:
Originally posted by Bill220
My wife has finally decided that she wants to try pegging. I actually initiated the discussion and after some thought she liked the idea. We're kind of going through our own little sexual revolution together lately. We both purchased new ...
Have her make sure you're relaxed at each step of the process and have her stop and do whatever makes you comfortable (kiss you, touch your cock, etc.) in order to relax you. Make sure she takes her time and it'll be awesome! Enjoy it!
12/27/2012
spiced spiced
I can maintain an erection while being pegged--but only up to a certain size. So far the biggest toy I've actually enjoyed was about 7" long and 1.75" in diameter (Vixskin Johnny). I can insert bigger toys, but I don't tend to stay hard. Johnny's the biggest we've tried for pegging and it feels GREAT. We started with the Vixskin Goodfella, which is 5.5" long and 1.5" wide. It felt great, too.

I'm sure a rubber dildo can be just as comfortable for you if you find the right size (small to start with).

Something I really enjoy is being inside a masturbation sleeve while she pegs me from behind (I'm flat on the bed or bent over the edge). That was, I can thrust along with her and get off at the same time. I just got a fleshlight flight and I'm looking forward to trying it during pegging (maybe tomorrow, yay!).

To make pegging more fun and less stress, I always give myself an enema a couple of hours before we're going to play, and then I lube myself and warm myself up with a toy a little bigger than my wife's going to use on me later. When it's time to play, I just have to re-apply a little lube on me, put some lube on my wife's toy--and enjoy!

I hope it goes well for you and your wife.
12/28/2012
Bill220 Bill220
Quote:
Originally posted by Cat E.
You don't sound like you like it so why do it?
I don't know if I like it or not, we've never done it.
12/28/2012
Bill220 Bill220
Quote:
Originally posted by AmethystSmoke
As mentioned, it's not uncommon for men to lose their erection during anal stimulation. My husband will usually go limp pretty quickly if he's receiving anal/prostate stimulation alone. That said, the fact that you find yourself going limp ...
Not so long ago, my wife had no interest in anything anal, or so I thought. We used to dabble after we had a few drinks but we don't drink anymore. It's only recently that we've gotten into it to any degree. She's nervous about it too but wants to explore it further. And it's not that we both don't enjoy it, we do but the nervousness on my part detracts from the enjoyment. I have no problem putting things in my ass, so it's not that. It's the sharing part that I have to work on. It was her idea to try pegging.
12/28/2012
Bill220 Bill220
Quote:
Originally posted by bog
Have her make sure you're relaxed at each step of the process and have her stop and do whatever makes you comfortable (kiss you, touch your cock, etc.) in order to relax you. Make sure she takes her time and it'll be awesome! Enjoy it!
We are both very excited about it.
12/28/2012
Trysexual Trysexual
Quote:
Originally posted by AmethystSmoke
As mentioned, it's not uncommon for men to lose their erection during anal stimulation. My husband will usually go limp pretty quickly if he's receiving anal/prostate stimulation alone. That said, the fact that you find yourself going limp ...
very good advice...thanks
12/28/2012
Bill220 Bill220
Quote:
Originally posted by spiced
I can maintain an erection while being pegged--but only up to a certain size. So far the biggest toy I've actually enjoyed was about 7" long and 1.75" in diameter (Vixskin Johnny). I can insert bigger toys, but I don't tend to stay ...
The 2" wide dildo that I have has an insertable length of 8" is perfect for me. I've used it alone and have been able to maintain an erection on many occasions.

I like the idea of the fleshlight! I never considered it.
12/28/2012
spiced spiced
Quote:
Originally posted by Bill220
The 2" wide dildo that I have has an insertable length of 8" is perfect for me. I've used it alone and have been able to maintain an erection on many occasions.

I like the idea of the fleshlight! I never considered it.
Try the fleshlight; I think you'll like it! My wife pegged me last night, but again with the slipinside sleeve. Which as awesome!

I didn't try the fleshlight last night because I'd tried 'fucking' the fleshlight solo between two pillows and didn't like it much. Today, I tried it without the pillows, just me lying flat on the bed with it under me, and it felt AMAZING! Can't wait until the next pegging session to try it.

If you can stay hard with a dildo that large, it's probably tension/nervousness keeping you from staying hard when you're wife's wielding it. Maybe if you're receiving some 'penis pleasure', it'll be easier to lose yourself in the moment and just go with it.
12/31/2012
Bill220 Bill220
Quote:
Originally posted by spiced
Try the fleshlight; I think you'll like it! My wife pegged me last night, but again with the slipinside sleeve. Which as awesome!

I didn't try the fleshlight last night because I'd tried 'fucking' the fleshlight solo ...
I've never used a fleshlight before, sounds fun.

Our items should be here today so this should be an interesting evening!
12/31/2012
Bill220 Bill220
Well we did it! She laid down on her back and I hopped on top of her. I like it, she likes it so we'll be doing it again for sure.
01/02/2013
indiglo indiglo
Yay! Glad to hear it was a success!!
01/02/2013
spiced spiced
Quote:
Originally posted by Bill220
Well we did it! She laid down on her back and I hopped on top of her. I like it, she likes it so we'll be doing it again for sure.
Glad to hear it!
01/03/2013
Total posts: 23
Unique posters: 10