Strapping on...without a partner?!

The first time I ever bought a harness/strap-on dildo was when I was single and wasn't looking. I would just enjoy wearing it and pretending I had a hard-on, and also for jokes. Right now, I do have a girlfriend and use my tools for their purpose but I also like to wear it sometimes when I'm in the mood around the house.

However, I was wondering, what are you opinions on this?
Would you buy a strap-on just to wear for your own personal amusement?
Would you buy one "just in case"?
I would love to hear your opinions on this less

The first time I ever bought a harness/strap-on dildo was when I was single and wasn't looking. I would just enjoy wearing it and pretending I had a hard-on, and also for jokes. Right now, I do have a girlfriend and use my tools for their purpose but I also like to wear it sometimes when I'm in the mood around the house.

However, I was wondering, what are you opinions on this?
Would you buy a strap-on just to wear for your own personal amusement?
Would you buy one "just in case"?
I would love to hear your opinions on this less

I bought my first cock and harness when I was single. If you know you're interested in strap-on sex I would definitely have it on hand when the opportunities knock. Otherwise you're like the guy who waits until he's definitely getting laid to go buy condoms... "Uh, hold on, I, uh, gotta run a quick errand! Be right back!"

Plus these toys aren't exactly cheap, so its nice to take your time and shop around before all the blood starts rushing into your genitals and you start making rush decisions. less

Have you tried the Joque? I personally love it, it's wonderful. Another good one that I have is the new one that I just got, it's the...what's it called again...I believe it's called the Driver harness. I haven't tried the Commando, but I should soon, so we'll see if that one's bare, too. But Joque, definitely Joque. I love my Joque. less

The Joque is super comfy, no doubt, but it's thick and feels kinda like a boxer's belt to me. I go for leather harnesses because, well, leather is skin and has the properties of skin. It will transfer body heat and conform to your own shape over time. It's like my second skin.

But the truth is, the connection with the toy as a part of you isn't going to happen based on what materials you use. It's gonna happen in your head, and in your partner's head. Less stuff between you is nice, but you might find more satisfaction by focusing on connecting your passion and your power with the toy and having your partner make that association as well. If you treat it like your cock, they will too. Take some time to get a feel for putting it on so that you can do it smoothly when the time is right (even though a bit of nervous fumbling the first time with someone you really like is understandable and should be taken as a compliment). Spend some time alone with your cock, lounging in bed or in front of a mirror, just to get used to it.

When you're with a partner, stroke your cock and have them feel it with their hands, let it absorb the body heat. Let them suck it, with their hand on the base pressing it up against you. If they do something that pleases you, make sure they know it less

Right now we use a Vac-u-lock harness, and while that's pretty awesome sometimes, it doesn't allow for much skin to skin contact. Or, as you mentioned, flexbiity and body heat.

I think that I struggle a bit with the getting used to it, not giggling and fumbling. I am a pretty feminine person. I wear skirts and dresses almost all the time. I don't know that I could ever pull off (or feel comfortable with) a packing toy. But in the bedroom, I totally think strap-on sex is delightful and I love to be the wearer. I just haven't found a way to 'connect' with the toy.

(My inner self just said: 'Because you're still calling it a toy?')

Not to mention that the one we have right now is huge. Like whoa. I love the way it feels, but my partner feels like she's getting speared. And the other one we have is rubber. And not really very attractive. So its hard to connect with either of those.

I think there is a great disconnect in my head. Because I can't help but think, when I have it on: 'Just because I'm wearing this, doesn't mean I want one'. Because I don't really. I love what I've got beneath my skirt. But still.

I don't even know if half of this comment made sense. Hah. less

No worries, it makes total sense. Giggling and fumbling can be part of the fun, especially if you're the type that loves to laugh with partners in the bedroom (I know I am).

I know plenty of femmes who love to strap it on. I'm definitely not in the camp that says everyone who straps it on does so because they wish they had a flesh cock. I love my cunt and wouldn't trade it for the world. I was attracted to strap-ons because I wanted a way to penetrate my partner while still being face to face, to be able to kiss and touch them with my hands. Now that I've gotten deeply identified with having a cock, I would still choose the cocks I've got over one made of flesh because, while they don't have nerve endings (only downside), they never go down unexpectedly, never get diseases, they're there when I want them, gone when I don't, and they can be any size or shape I want. Plus they can't get anyone pregnant

So yeah, just because you are wearing one, does NOT mean you want a flesh one.

On calling it a toy... I use the word "toy" when speaking in general about dildos, because I know that not everyone wants to connect with their stuff the way I do. But when I talk about my stuff, it's always "my cock". Never "my toy". You might find a word that works better for you- dick, shlong, tool, prick, boner, pecker, package, unit, wang, chub, sausage, sword, staff... the list is endless. Using something that works for you and expresses your personality may help. Maybe something femme like... uh... stiletto? I'm no good at this...

Choosing stuff that really suits you and your preferences is also a really good idea to help connection. I know femmes who buy elaborate pink harnesses (check out Aslan Leather for those) and shiney silver glittery dicks (like the Leo). They look gorgeous. I invest alot of time and effort into getting stuff that fits my personality, and it's really gratifying to watch someone show love to something they heavily associate with who I am. This extends past cocks and sex toys too... watching someone shine my boots or sharpen my knives is also pleasurable. Those objects reflect me, so the care they are given reflects how that person feels about me. less

Ah, yes. Thank you. Do you write for Eden Cafe? Because if not-- you should be.

I love the word cock, so I can't imagine calling it anything else, though 'stilleto' made me giggle. I think we've made good progress in the last four years. We went from never using toys, to experimenting with them, to buying our first strap on (actually, someone bought the first one for us as a gift, but it was a dud). And I'm actually finally comfortable enough to enjoy watching her put it in her mouth. At first, I thought: 'Oh, man. This is way too heterocentric for me." But then I realized.

Dude. I know this girl. She doesn't like boys. She likes me. And she likes what I'm giving to her, no matter how I go about it. And that made it easier. Because it is pleasurable to watch, even if there aren't, obviously, nerve endings there.

I love what yous said about 'the care they are given reflects how that person feels about me'. That's perfect. less