Eden Kink - Misconceptions in BDSM June 15, 2011 8 PM EST

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Eden Kink - Misconceptions in BDSM June 15, 2011 8 PM EST

Woman China Woman China
I've been reading this with interest.

I find that the biggest problem of it all; is that it is like sex. To me sex is fun, natural and so very much enjoyable. Yet all the words used to describe it as negative.

BDSM and kink play has a social stigma of being what you have all described it as. Abusers, robots, need to be hurt, ocd, it just relates to sex and so so many more. I wish something like HBO or SHowCase would com eout with a program explaining it all so perhaps these social stigma's would just go away.

When I began to explore BDSM and kink (I realised it just was not for me though) but it was explained to me that the sub is really the dominant one as they are the ones that make the rules and have the ability to say, "stop".

I am the first to admit that I do not know much about this topic, but find it interesting to read about.
06/15/2011
KinkyKrissy KinkyKrissy
I've wanted a dom and to be in a submissive lifestyle relationship for a while, however, it's difficult for me to find people who are interested and with going away for 5/6 months for study abroad, it just won't work. Anyway, what are some qualities or important things that separate doms from fake doms? I know it may be easier to tell in the long run, but is there anything more noticeable that would hint at a real/fake dom sooner?
06/15/2011
PunkyB PunkyB
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
What do you mean?
I feel like a submissive to some people and others I am really forceful with. I like recieving and giving impact play... I would say I am a switch, but i havent participated enough in BDSM to even consider what I like the most
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Rhianna's song S&M is a true representation of BDSM.

I wanted to gouge my eyes out and punch a kitten when I heard this. Rhianna's mainstreaming of BDSM doesn't make it a true representation. There aren't people always tying you up, putting you in latex, and reporting on you with ball gags in. It's just...not. Gah!
06/15/2011
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by [Red]
It does help, thank you. It also raises a slew of other questions, not the least of which being: is it common for people in the lifestyle to be romantically/sexually spoken for but play with others on a platonic level? Perhaps I simply haven't ...
I wouldn't say that it is common, but it can happen, yes. And there are also individuals who are, as you said, polyamorous. But I would not say that it's common, simply because I do not see it that way. I am not the sort of person to generalize such things. You will see it, sure, but it's not an every day, or every relationship, occurrence.

Nothing is ideal, also. Maybe it's ideal to you, but not to everyone. Some people enjoy having others to share it with. It's not casual, honestly - sharing that with someone is very, very serious. Just because it may happen occasionally versus every day does not make it a "casual" thing.

The spectrum is quite wide. Some people do it for bedroom play. Some people do it as a lifestyle (like me, I need a 24/7 slave at my side). Some people do it when they go to play parties or dungeons. It really depends on the person's wants, needs, and desires.

Most would treat the bdsm play partners as friends, yes, but I cannot speak for others. I have a play partner who is my friend, and we only play as a way for us to get out our needs in some sense. We are friends aside from that. For us, it's not intimate. However, what I was mentioning earlier, it usually is an intimate, and serious, exchange. Some people treat play partners as what it sounds like - partners during the time of play. Others may be friends and may just be having fun with one another! It really is the sort of thing that just depends on the person.

Wow, I wrote a lot! I apologize for that!
06/15/2011
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
I've wanted a dom and to be in a submissive lifestyle relationship for a while, however, it's difficult for me to find people who are interested and with going away for 5/6 months for study abroad, it just won't work. Anyway, what are ...
Does he follow through on what he says?(I once had a guy that never followed through on punishments. Ever. Unless I asked.) Does he try for sex right away... start out right away trying to get sexual contact or pictures? Probably just wants sex. ... those are the ones that came right away. Im sure there is more... if I think of them I'll add them in
06/15/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
I've been reading this with interest.

I find that the biggest problem of it all; is that it is like sex. To me sex is fun, natural and so very much enjoyable. Yet all the words used to describe it as negative.

BDSM and kink play ...
I agree, thats part of the biggest problem with the world, there has to be a set image for everything. No room for people to be individuals, no accepting people without steroe-typing that everyone who likes ice-cream has to like vanilla.
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
I've been reading this with interest.

I find that the biggest problem of it all; is that it is like sex. To me sex is fun, natural and so very much enjoyable. Yet all the words used to describe it as negative.

BDSM and kink play ...
They tried to make the social stigmas go away with "Strange Sex" but that didn't go over too well. People don't want to be exposed to it because they're afraid that it's going to turn them and their kids kinky (just like people are afraid being exposed to homosexuals on tv is going to turn them and their kids homosexual).
06/15/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
EVERYONE is kinky.

False. Not everyone is kinky. Some people are not into kink whatsoever and it doesn't interest them. There isn't a switch you can flip to make someone suddenly become interested in kink. It's kind of like ...
Which is why communication early on is so important. Thanks for baring the truth here, VieuxCarre.
06/15/2011
Sir Sir
"There is only one way to be a Dom/sub and there is only one way to have a BDSM relationship."

Hear that one sometimes...
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
I've wanted a dom and to be in a submissive lifestyle relationship for a while, however, it's difficult for me to find people who are interested and with going away for 5/6 months for study abroad, it just won't work. Anyway, what are ...
A real dom won't require you to submit instantaneously and will also be patient, understanding, and not pushy. They also won't ask to see you naked right off the bat and ask you to cam with them.
06/15/2011
[Red] [Red]
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I actually cannot be a proper Dominant to someone unless I have an emotional attachment too them. In order for me to desire and actually want their submission, I need that piece. I can Dom someone for play, like in a dungeon setting, quite easily, ...
Would you mind if I ask what the difference is between your desire to dominate someone for play and your desire to actually have another's submission? To clarify, why would you dominate someone you have no emotional attachment to-- say, in a play setting? It seems like in order to be satisfied with the domination, you'd need that piece, as you say. What drives you when it's missing?

Sorry if I misunderstood anything, feel free to elaborate.
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by PunkyB
I feel like a submissive to some people and others I am really forceful with. I like recieving and giving impact play... I would say I am a switch, but i havent participated enough in BDSM to even consider what I like the most
Like I said, it's fluid and you really don't have to identify as anything right now. You can identify as a kinkster until you figure it out and if you never do, you can STILL be called a kinkster if you choose. It's up to you and what you feel comfortable naming yourself
06/15/2011
Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
I've been reading this with interest.

I find that the biggest problem of it all; is that it is like sex. To me sex is fun, natural and so very much enjoyable. Yet all the words used to describe it as negative.

BDSM and kink play ...
the real sex series did a lot of educating about different parts of the kink world, they still replay it
06/15/2011
KinkyKrissy KinkyKrissy
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Rhianna's song S&M is a true representation of BDSM.

I wanted to gouge my eyes out and punch a kitten when I heard this. Rhianna's mainstreaming of BDSM doesn't make it a true representation. There aren't people always ...
It bothers me when only certain aspects of something like BDSM go mainstream and then so many people automatically begin to make more assumptions or that their assumptions are confirmed. Just because a celebrity or star said it doesn't mean it's true or that's how it is. It's saddening how many people do think like this though.
06/15/2011
PunkyB PunkyB
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Rhianna's song S&M is a true representation of BDSM.

I wanted to gouge my eyes out and punch a kitten when I heard this. Rhianna's mainstreaming of BDSM doesn't make it a true representation. There aren't people always ...
she has that whole abuse case then she starts singing about BDSM...That isnt somthing the community needs to be related to
06/15/2011
PunkyB PunkyB
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Rhianna's song S&M is a true representation of BDSM.

I wanted to gouge my eyes out and punch a kitten when I heard this. Rhianna's mainstreaming of BDSM doesn't make it a true representation. There aren't people always ...
she has that whole abuse case then she starts singing about BDSM...That isnt somthing the community needs to be related to
06/15/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I wouldn't say that it is common, but it can happen, yes. And there are also individuals who are, as you said, polyamorous. But I would not say that it's common, simply because I do not see it that way. I am not the sort of person to ...
Don't apologize, it was enlightening!
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
"There is only one way to be a Dom/sub and there is only one way to have a BDSM relationship."

Hear that one sometimes...
Yes, because there is only ONE TWUE WAY! BDSM is open to interpretation and what each individual makes of it. My BDSM isn't the same as your BDSM, though we believe in the same concepts and ideals. I'm not into the kinks that you're into and there isn't only one way to do things. Thank you for mentioning this one. I had forgotten about it
06/15/2011
Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Rhianna's song S&M is a true representation of BDSM.

I wanted to gouge my eyes out and punch a kitten when I heard this. Rhianna's mainstreaming of BDSM doesn't make it a true representation. There aren't people always ...
not a true representation but it is hot to watch LOL
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
It bothers me when only certain aspects of something like BDSM go mainstream and then so many people automatically begin to make more assumptions or that their assumptions are confirmed. Just because a celebrity or star said it doesn't mean ...
It bothers me as well because it didn't help anyone to understand what BDSM is all about. It actually hurt BDSM quite a bit because parents don't want their kids listening to that song because of the content. If anything it's send an even dirtier light on the community and lifestyle as a whole.
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
not a true representation but it is hot to watch LOL
I prefer to watch Nicki Minaj perform than watch that video ever again.
06/15/2011
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by PunkyB
she has that whole abuse case then she starts singing about BDSM...That isnt somthing the community needs to be related to
It already is by a lot of people. Even some in the community believe what others in the community do is abusive. There are some people that have been abused that are into BDSM, they aren't linked and just because somebody has been abused shouldn't make them not come into the community if thats what they choose. I totally get what you're saying... but for the most part, it's already there. The song and her case are just the most recent/widely known cases.
06/15/2011
Antipova Antipova
I've got to bow out for the evening but thanks for the discussion, everyone!
06/15/2011
Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by PunkyB
she has that whole abuse case then she starts singing about BDSM...That isnt somthing the community needs to be related to
well the song is also more of a sarcastic reply to what the media had already said about her because of the abuse case, that she wanted it, she deserved it, she liked it etc.
06/15/2011
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by [Red]
Would you mind if I ask what the difference is between your desire to dominate someone for play and your desire to actually have another's submission? To clarify, why would you dominate someone you have no emotional attachment to-- say, in a play ...
No problem at all, you can ask as many questions as you'd like!

The desire for play is more of an "I have an itch that needs to be scratched" sort of sensation. The desire for a person's full submission to me is internal, it's the difference between writing a short story and writing a novel. I do need that piece, that part that tells me, "This is mine, this is mine to do with as I please, this is mine to love and care for and cherish." When it's missing, however, the thing that drives me more is my sadistic need. I'm a sadist, so it's to fill THAT part of me. Tell me if that helps or if I need to go into more detail, I'm not sure whether I answered you completely or not.
06/15/2011
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
I've got to bow out for the evening but thanks for the discussion, everyone!
That's too bad! Hope that you have a good night!
06/15/2011
KinkyKrissy KinkyKrissy
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
A real dom won't require you to submit instantaneously and will also be patient, understanding, and not pushy. They also won't ask to see you naked right off the bat and ask you to cam with them.
Good tips, thank you Serenesub and VieuxCarre! If you come up with any more, let me know
06/15/2011
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Yes, because there is only ONE TWUE WAY! BDSM is open to interpretation and what each individual makes of it. My BDSM isn't the same as your BDSM, though we believe in the same concepts and ideals. I'm not into the kinks that you're ...
HAHAHA I always loved it when you said "the one twue way."
06/15/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
I've got to bow out for the evening but thanks for the discussion, everyone!
Good night
06/15/2011
Total posts: 300
Unique posters: 23