Eden Kink - Misconceptions in BDSM June 15, 2011 8 PM EST

VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
People who get involved in BDSM are asking to be abused.

No one ever asks to be abused or raped. It happens, though, and people learn how to deal with it. People do not ask to have these things happen to them by involving themselves in BDSM. That's like saying a rape victim was asking to be raped by dressing nicely to go a club. Things happen and people take things too far. Some people extremely abuse people and torture them and it's not acceptable, but just because it's happened to a few people doesn't mean it happens all day every day.
06/15/2011
PunkyB PunkyB
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
It already is by a lot of people. Even some in the community believe what others in the community do is abusive. There are some people that have been abused that are into BDSM, they aren't linked and just because somebody has been abused ... More
Im not saying anything about her at all. I just thing that people have a tendency to associate negatively first and it may be more of a hurtful thing to an already bad community reputation...
06/15/2011
KinkyKrissy KinkyKrissy
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
I've got to bow out for the evening but thanks for the discussion, everyone!
Goodnight!
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Goodnight Antipova!
06/15/2011
[Red] [Red]
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I wouldn't say that it is common, but it can happen, yes. And there are also individuals who are, as you said, polyamorous. But I would not say that it's common, simply because I do not see it that way. I am not the sort of person to ... More
No apology necessary; I asked quite a few questions, and your responses have been interesting. However, given the deeply subjective nature of what it means to be part of the BDSM lifestyle-- regardless whether one lives it 24/7 or only a play parties or somewhere else along the spectrum-- I see it isn't very useful to ask such general, dichotomous questions.

Paying more attention to the personal responses here to see if there's a mindset I recognize or can relate to, as that was what helped me accept my needs enough to explore them to begin with.
06/15/2011
bluekaren bluekaren
I am so interested in this stuff, but I feel like such a spectator. Thanks for the forum and answering all the questions, I learned some stuff and I'll be back next time.
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by bluekaren
I am so interested in this stuff, but I feel like such a spectator. Thanks for the forum and answering all the questions, I learned some stuff and I'll be back next time.
Thank you for coming to the discussion and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
06/15/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
People who get involved in BDSM are asking to be abused.

No one ever asks to be abused or raped. It happens, though, and people learn how to deal with it. People do not ask to have these things happen to them by involving themselves in BDSM. ... More
There is a fine line between pleasure and pain. Abuse is painful. My Mr always abides by the rules that when it is getting to be too much for my comfort zone it stops (although I do withstand a lot). Most of society doesn't understand that when we go into this it is just like any other relationship, there are boundaries that are predetermined and while they may vary they are rarely abused.
06/15/2011
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Night~
06/15/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by bluekaren
I am so interested in this stuff, but I feel like such a spectator. Thanks for the forum and answering all the questions, I learned some stuff and I'll be back next time.
Good night
06/15/2011
Woman China Woman China
I disagree with whoever said that they disagree with the "everyone is kinky".

Everyone is... it all depends on what you think is kinky. There is this one couple I know, where all they know is missionary. And that missionary sex is always done on a Tuesday night at 9:45pm. Without fail. And usually lasts about twelve to twenty-two minutes.

There was never anything else going on (according to the woman that is), then one day she and I were talking as I got a parcel in from EdenFantasys. I invited her in as she was curious about my parcel. Me? Always enjoying the shits and giggles, showed her my new nipple clamps.

She borrowed them and wore them to bed that next Tuesday night while having sex with her husband. She had her first orgasm of her life at forty-seven years old.

Everyone is kinky. It all depends on what their level of kinky is.
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyintexas
There is a fine line between pleasure and pain. Abuse is painful. My Mr always abides by the rules that when it is getting to be too much for my comfort zone it stops (although I do withstand a lot). Most of society doesn't understand that when ... More
Exactly, but society is never going to want to accept that we're different, yes, but our relationships aren't any different respect wise than other vanilla relationships. Abuse happens more often in vanilla relationships than in kink relationships...at least from what I've observed in the past.
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
I disagree with whoever said that they disagree with the "everyone is kinky".

Everyone is... it all depends on what you think is kinky. There is this one couple I know, where all they know is missionary. And that missionary sex is ... More
No, not everyone is kinky. I've met people who are asexual and are not interested in kink either. There are people who really are just not into it.
06/15/2011
PunkyB PunkyB
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
People who get involved in BDSM are asking to be abused.

No one ever asks to be abused or raped. It happens, though, and people learn how to deal with it. People do not ask to have these things happen to them by involving themselves in BDSM. ... More
From the outside the needs that I have could be wrongly interpreted as abuse...Its a struggle though. The main thing is that its all about consent and what you are able to take.

I am not saying its a fair assumption, but I used to have the same mindset until i opened myself up
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
OMG it's already 8 o'clock! I'm going to wrap up posting new topics for discussion in this thread and work on responding
06/15/2011
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyintexas
There is a fine line between pleasure and pain. Abuse is painful. My Mr always abides by the rules that when it is getting to be too much for my comfort zone it stops (although I do withstand a lot). Most of society doesn't understand that when ... More
Wanting somebody to stop flogging, pinching, shocking, spanking, slapping, hairpulling, etc.... is no different than wanting somebody to stop finger banging, licking, tit grabbing, fucking or kissing you. Once it is no longer something you are enjoying... it should stop.
06/15/2011
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
I disagree with whoever said that they disagree with the "everyone is kinky".

Everyone is... it all depends on what you think is kinky. There is this one couple I know, where all they know is missionary. And that missionary sex is ... More
I do not feel that that is true. Not everyone is kinky, just like not everyone likes anal. It's a personal preference, to say that everyone likes it is horribly generalizing.
06/15/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Exactly, but society is never going to want to accept that we're different, yes, but our relationships aren't any different respect wise than other vanilla relationships. Abuse happens more often in vanilla relationships than in kink ... More
Agreed, I think that is because of the level of respect that we have for eachother to start out with. In my opinion we are healthier in our respect for our partner/partners because we are more open from the beginning about what is and what isn't acceptable behavior.
06/15/2011
KinkyKrissy KinkyKrissy
I have to go, but thanks for the info everyone, I had a great time!
06/15/2011
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
I have to go, but thanks for the info everyone, I had a great time!
Glad to hear that you had a good time! Have a good night!
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
I have to go, but thanks for the info everyone, I had a great time!
Thanks for coming! Goodnight!
06/15/2011
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
Wanting somebody to stop flogging, pinching, shocking, spanking, slapping, hairpulling, etc.... is no different than wanting somebody to stop finger banging, licking, tit grabbing, fucking or kissing you. Once it is no longer something you are ... More
For some. I know people who get off on the force of their dominant pushing them. I know others who are taken outside their comfort zones by their dominant and fight it, but want it again and again. For them being pushed past their boundaries, wanting to stop and having to keep going is part of their kink and dynamic.
06/15/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
Wanting somebody to stop flogging, pinching, shocking, spanking, slapping, hairpulling, etc.... is no different than wanting somebody to stop finger banging, licking, tit grabbing, fucking or kissing you. Once it is no longer something you are ... More
Yep, we should always have the right to make it stop once it is no longer enjoyable.
06/15/2011
[Red] [Red]
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
No problem at all, you can ask as many questions as you'd like!

The desire for play is more of an "I have an itch that needs to be scratched" sort of sensation. The desire for a person's full submission to me is internal, ... More
It sounds to me like a hunger, like an impulse one can't reason or argue with that needs to be sated or suffered through. The lack of emotional attachment scratches the itch, but the satisfaction that offers cannot be compared to the fulfillment of that complete domination of someone you're emotionally invested in. Is that right? Rephrasing to see if I understand what you meant.

You say sadist, I hear that you enjoy inflicting pain. Is that accurate? I can relate to the strong impulse to hurt someone else and I know how overpowering the need can be in that moment, but I'm not sure if that's just me being a person or if that's something truly sadistic. Looking for a point of relation here in order to understand better, that's all. Perhaps you could tell me what it means to you to be a sadist.
06/15/2011
PunkyB PunkyB
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Exactly, but society is never going to want to accept that we're different, yes, but our relationships aren't any different respect wise than other vanilla relationships. Abuse happens more often in vanilla relationships than in kink ... More
There is more at stake with the amount of trust you place in your partners hands to I can see how that would be possible.
06/15/2011
Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Exactly, but society is never going to want to accept that we're different, yes, but our relationships aren't any different respect wise than other vanilla relationships. Abuse happens more often in vanilla relationships than in kink ... More
if you don't fit the mold and follow the pre-determined approved path you are just wired wrong *rolls eyes*. Abuse is so common in vanilla relationships, emotional and physical. society needs to be more open to different people and lifestyles
06/15/2011
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
For some. I know people who get off on the force of their dominant pushing them. I know others who are taken outside their comfort zones by their dominant and fight it, but want it again and again. For them being pushed past their boundaries, wanting ... More
I am like that as well. But you have to make that agreement. If they are getting off on it, they really do enjoy it. That is what safe words are for
06/15/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
if you don't fit the mold and follow the pre-determined approved path you are just wired wrong *rolls eyes*. Abuse is so common in vanilla relationships, emotional and physical. society needs to be more open to different people and lifestyles
Amen!
06/15/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by [Red]
It sounds to me like a hunger, like an impulse one can't reason or argue with that needs to be sated or suffered through. The lack of emotional attachment scratches the itch, but the satisfaction that offers cannot be compared to the fulfillment ... More
I'm also curious about that, I tend to envision the same thing when I hear "sadist."
06/15/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
I am like that as well. But you have to make that agreement. If they are getting off on it, they really do enjoy it. That is what safe words are for
Exactly! Safe words = safety Even though that's cheesy, it's true!
06/15/2011
Total posts: 300
Unique posters: 23