#EdenLit - (8.2012)-Open topic- Diary of a Psycho Girl

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#EdenLit - (8.2012)-Open topic- Diary of a Psycho Girl

ChuChii ChuChii
Im love with him but yet he's in love with her and doesn't even notice me.... but I will have him no matter what.
Why does this always happen to me? I just don't understand, I want to be in love. Why cant you see that?
Im trying my best, I have everything you could ever ask for. I'm young, beautiful, thin, smart, rich, I have a car, even my own house, But yet you go for her. She doesn't have anything to give you. She doesn't have a car , not even a job, shes not as thin as i am and I know she's not rich.

Tell me what I can do just to be with you. Whatever you want I can get, its not a problem. Just leave her and be with me. Why are you kissing her? Don't you see me standing right here. I can't believe you, and your still with her. Im doing everything I can. I thought it would have been me and you having a future together, not you and that bitch.

I seen you today, you was looking very handsome. I just wanted you to look my way, into my eyes, but you just walked right by me. You act like im invisible. I had a dream last night, you and I was together getting married and making a family, I really hope it can come true. Why was you mad today? Was you and her fighting, me and you wouldn't be like that. Why do you even like her? Im getting angry now, Im throwing a party and you better come. I will be waiting for you.

OH MY GOSH, your actually here, and not with her. Im happy again, everyone is drinking, I hope your drinking too , just come to my room and ill show you everything your missing. Your sitting there all alone, ill take care of you, Im bringing you to my room, do you like it ? Its your favorite color. Your pictures are on my wall.

Now its time to undress you. Mmm I love the smell of your socks. Your so warm and you smell good. Im going to fuck you and you cant do anything about it, your mine now, you will never be with her again. I love how your hair feels, I wish I can touch it all the time. Im going to tie you up on my bed just in case you wake up.

Its 12 in the afternoon and your phone is ringing, shes calling you, should I answer or not ? Hmm, I answered and I told her your mine now, she wont ever have you again. I hung up but she keeps calling. Im going to kill her if she doesn't stop calling. Ill be back my door bell is ringing.

Sorry I took so long, Your girlfriend was at the door, guess what ? We will be together forever now, she's dead now, no need to worry about her. Yay your waking up now, I'll just tell you the news.
Why are you acting like that ? I thought you would have been happy, but you still want her knowing what I did was for us. I love you want don't you understand, if i cant be with you no one can.

Someone is coming up the stairs, who can that be? I'm just going to fuck you again just so you can realize your making a mistake, I'm going to kiss your lips with my poisoned lips and show you this could of been all yours. Forget about her, Its about me now. Someone is opening my door, what the fuck is she doing alive ? I thought I killed her?. Well its too bad now. Your dead and she cant have you, I told you if I cant have you no one can.


Its been 3 years now and I still remember what happened, I write about it every year on the day you died, You don't know where im at now, I'm in a mental house, I really shouldn't be here nothing is wrong with me, they told me I was crazy, but I don't believe them. I still love you, your still mine and always will be, what they didn't know is that I have your soul trapped inside of me. Forever and ever until the day I die.
08/19/2012
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
I do like the thrust of this story and it has a great foundation but it's a bit difficult to follow. I can say with authority that this is one CRAZY BITCH! Delving into the mind of a stalker/killer is fascinating for me. I would love to know more!

I am curious, but I suspect you used grammar to show how insane your main character is. This can be very constructive, but really be aware of how hard you try to prove the insanity of your character. You want your reader to be able to read between the lines and identify with her pain and yet be repulsed by it as well, if that makes sense?

If I may offer just a touch of constructive criticism: Perhaps you could italicize just a few snippets of her diary while you set the scene as a narrator? Or maybe write this as a memory in the past tense rather than as a real time narrative? Sort of like she is talking to him about what happened and asking him all the questions; hell for that matter, if she's really nuts he could answer her...just a thought!
08/22/2012
ChuChii ChuChii
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I do like the thrust of this story and it has a great foundation but it's a bit difficult to follow. I can say with authority that this is one CRAZY BITCH! Delving into the mind of a stalker/killer is fascinating for me. I would love to know ...
Thank you again, I think this story was a little messed up because I free wrote it, as it came into my mind I typed it, just going with the flow.

But thank you i love when someone comments, it helps me to write better.
08/23/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by ChuChii
Thank you again, I think this story was a little messed up because I free wrote it, as it came into my mind I typed it, just going with the flow.

But thank you i love when someone comments, it helps me to write better.
Sometimes you have to just do that...let it flow as it comes to you and clean it up afterwards. No shame in that! I have TONS of drafts of pieces I am continually working on.
Like I said this is an interesting concept and could go in many different directions. I love working with pieces like that!
08/23/2012
ChuChii ChuChii
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Sometimes you have to just do that...let it flow as it comes to you and clean it up afterwards. No shame in that! I have TONS of drafts of pieces I am continually working on.
Like I said this is an interesting concept and could go in many ...
That's true. Well I will most likely try and add more, fix it up. & then I will re-post it.
08/23/2012
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 2