#RomanceAllYear - Turn the heat up?! (Worst Idea Ever!)

Ansley Ansley


Recently, the new editor for Cosmopolitan magazine, Joanna Coles was quoted as saying internet porn has become the default way to learn about sex and that she's over "gay men writing advice columns for women" (loosely paraphrased, of course).

As a tribute to the declaration of an end of an era of really interesting sex advice, I thought it would be fun if we could reminiscence on those we've overheard or been told "work like a charm" that sound so horrible it made you cross your legs and wince.



What is the absolute worst piece of advice someone has ever given when it comes spicing up their sex life? Do you know anyone (you, perhaps?) who took said advice and had a favorable outcome? Any crash and burn scenarios?

I'm currently picturing the scene in National Lampoon's Van Wilder when Taj is set on fire by after dousing himself in a bottle of fragrant, alcohol-based massage oil and then backing into lit candles. Ouch!)



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02/25/2013
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Pixel Pixel
The worst advice I was given was to use Tiger Balm as a clit sensitivity lotion. *cringes* My legs still instinctively cross just thinking about the burning. And it went on FOREVER>
02/25/2013
js250 js250
Use BenGay for lube...Sugar water to douche before oral, lifesaver inside during oral, ummmm....yeah, there were some doozies!!!
02/26/2013
zj22 zj22
Drink, or have your partner drink a ton of apple juice before oral... lots of liquid in the bladder during sex of any sort is uncomfortable people!!! lol
02/27/2013
kmg12 kmg12
The worst advice was to use fruit juice as a douche...LOL..I look back and think HOW?! I honestly think that a pineapple / "fishy" combo has to be unpleasant to be faced with... not to mention that it took a good month to get that out of my system...gross! I haven't had bad advice actually work..it's all been just bad advice that at worst was disgusting, and at best was hilarious...
02/27/2013
Pixel Pixel
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Use BenGay for lube...Sugar water to douche before oral, lifesaver inside during oral, ummmm....yeah, there were some doozies!!!
*cries* Sugar water for douching? Really?
02/27/2013
Angeleyes7 Angeleyes7
I was looking for something to quote 'spice' things up with and a friend had given me advice on using something very minty to give my man oral with. I did, not realizing that too much mint burns on a man's genitals. DON'T DO IT. lol. Needless to say, it totally killed the mood. Now my husband will not even go near body wash with mint in it. lol.
02/27/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I never really was one to seek advice from anyone about sex. I guess the worst advice I was ever given was that the man's needs are more important than my own. Kind of has messed with my mind over the years. Didn't result in horrible burning, or anything like that, but obviously made things difficult for me.
02/27/2013
Jo22 Jo22
Someone I worked with told me to put one of those Listerine dissolving strips on my clit and then have a fan blow on it, she said it was amazing, mind blowing....So, stupid me-I tried it: I took my desk fan placed it on the bed between my spread legs, turned it on and used the strip. Ummm I think the image speaks for itself, I don't need to describe the extreme burning, jumping up, knocking fan onto the floor and rushing to the shower where the water made it worse. It was terrible, I was walking funny for days, I considered going to the doctor to see if I should/put a cream on it but that was too much 'American Pie' type humiliation for me-I already felt like the most idiotic person and I hadn't even told anyone. (until now)
02/27/2013
ADrew ADrew
Wife and I once read something that recommended sex in a hot tub... The hear almost made us both pass out and the chlorine was not good for our end result either...
02/27/2013
hillys hillys
i thought it was silly that a magazine had the directions to keep a cup of warm tea near you to drink during a blow job. Never tried it, but still that would be interruptive right? Unless anyone has tried this?
02/27/2013
chicmichiw chicmichiw
I'm pretty sure I was once told to scratch a man's testicles. Even if done gently, it's not very sexy and probably not effectively. Not done gently? ...horrific.
02/27/2013
bog bog
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Recently, the new editor for Cosmopolitan magazine, Joanna Coles was quoted as saying internet porn has become the default way to learn about sex and that she's over "gay men writing advice columns for women" (loosely ... More
"Wash sensitive parts with peppermint (Dr. bronner's) soap; it feels great!"

burning and burning and burning and...
02/27/2013
meitman meitman
I've actually never been given or overheard any advice for spicing things up from anybody I know. The people I know don't talk about such things. It could have been helpful at times.
02/27/2013
captainsgirl captainsgirl
candy or mints in your mouth during oral.
02/27/2013
SummerJ SummerJ
I've read a few crazy things, but have never heard or been given 'advice' to spice things up. But from reading, I can tell mint is something to be wary of.
02/27/2013
Baron Kaputnick Baron Kaputnick
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Recently, the new editor for Cosmopolitan magazine, Joanna Coles was quoted as saying internet porn has become the default way to learn about sex and that she's over "gay men writing advice columns for women" (loosely ... More
Try to meet at someone at church. Despite me being agnostic, this was horrible advice for many reasons.
02/28/2013
bratcat bratcat
anything having to do with sugar or fruit juice going in or near ones vagina.
02/28/2013
jennifur77 jennifur77
Not to take the pill because it was made of horse urine. *roll eyes*
02/28/2013
fizzygato fizzygato
Probably "myths," like pulling out will prevent pregnancy.

It hasn't had adverse effects on me yet; I haven't heeded it because I knew it was a myth, but I would have to go with myths being the worst advice
02/28/2013
Martiniman Martiniman
I was given bad and negative advice about anal sex when I was younger, which caused me to pass up several opportunities. Now I'm married to a wonderful woman, but a woman who has no interest in anal sex which means I'll never get to experience anal sex.
02/28/2013
Do emu Do emu
I didn't ever receive bad advice that I know of, but I could have received better support about my needs and rights in a sexual relationship. Ten years ago I wouldn't have cared if I didn't orgasm, as long as the other person's needs were met. I guess I felt obligated back then.
02/28/2013
Silverdrop Silverdrop
"You don't need lube. Just think about what I'm doing to you." This was more like anti-advice, from the ex-husband. He took it as a personal affront on his manliness if I needed artificial lubrication instead of being naturally dripping wet. I'd give in, we'd start sex, then-- surprise surprise! -- my natural secretions wouldn't last the entire encounter and he'd have to pull out (with lots of complaints) to add the lube that he should have used in the first place.
02/28/2013
ImaGodiva ImaGodiva
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Use BenGay for lube...Sugar water to douche before oral, lifesaver inside during oral, ummmm....yeah, there were some doozies!!!
BenGay!! That's horrible!
02/28/2013
GONE! GONE!
Quote:
Originally posted by bog
"Wash sensitive parts with peppermint (Dr. bronner's) soap; it feels great!"

burning and burning and burning and...
Oh my god that actually happened to me accidentally with the same soap! D: IT WAS HORRIFYING.
02/28/2013
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by fizzygato
Probably "myths," like pulling out will prevent pregnancy.

It hasn't had adverse effects on me yet; I haven't heeded it because I knew it was a myth, but I would have to go with myths being the worst advice
Actually, when done in a educated way, withdrawal is a real and effective form of birth control. Most men, if they have urinated since their last ejaculation will have absolutely NO sperm in their "pre-come."

Even Planned Parenthood teaches this method for some people. Usually it is meant for monogamous couples with a lot of sexual experience. The man should be invested as the woman in preventing pregnancy. He also needs to have excellent control of his orgasms and ejaculation and know when to withdraw. This method seems to work better with older, more mature couples than with, say, teenagers or with people with not a lot of sex experience.

My husband and I have used this method for years. The only time I got pregnant was when we wanted to and we tried pairing it with "Natural Family Planning" and I was supposed to be in my safe period, so he didn't pull out. Pregnancy wasn't going to be awful at this time in our life, so we got an other kid out of it (and we're glad we have her) but if it had happened in college or High School, it would have been a disaster.

But, actual withdrawal, when the man withdraws before his orgasm starts works well for people who know what they are doing. Otherwise my husband and I would have about 20 kids....
02/28/2013
P'Gell P'Gell
Worst advice; I usually don't ask other people (they usually seem to come to me) in real life.

But, I remember some really crappy "advice" from Cosmo. Stuff like using a candy sucker as a dildo, using other kinds of candy. Stuff like putting grapes into your vagina before sex. It all sounds so dangerous and just waiting for an infection.
02/28/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
The worst advice was for me to wait until marriage to have sex! I've never married & at 45, I would still be a virgin if I had listened to the advice!
02/28/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by bog
"Wash sensitive parts with peppermint (Dr. bronner's) soap; it feels great!"

burning and burning and burning and...
Hmm...I've used Dr. Bronner's on the nether regions before and I didn't have any problems. You're not supposed to use a lot anyway. Sorry it turned so horribly wrong for you.

I wonder if you can be allergic to peppermint "there" but still be able to ingest it with no trouble.
02/28/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Silverdrop
"You don't need lube. Just think about what I'm doing to you." This was more like anti-advice, from the ex-husband. He took it as a personal affront on his manliness if I needed artificial lubrication instead of being naturally ... More
Sounds like a real winner there.
02/28/2013
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