#SexIsSocial - Dear Daughter, Live Without Limits

Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray




Welcome to this week's featured SexIs article:


Dear Daughter: Live Without Limits, by Roland Hulme!




Roland (aka Champagne and Benzedrine) is having a baby soon! In honor of International Women's Day, he wrote a letter to his unborn child telling her a few things he'd like the baby to know about our current society if it's born a girl.

It's no secret Roland has a scathing view of feminism. In particular, he takes issue with feminists who judge women just as harshly as the patriarchal society they profess to be against. So it's no surprise that Roland tells his daughter to watch out for these kinds of women.

From the article:
It’s been a long time coming – today is only the “best” era for women because it’s been kind of shitty for them for the rest of the 100,000 years leading up to this point – but be aware that you’re going to become an adult in a world that, for the first time ever, will potentially be ruled by women.

But don’t think that’s going to make it easy for you.

One of the first challenges you’re going to face being a woman is that everybody and their mother (including your own mother) will expect you to look, and act, and talk a certain way. Your presence will be challenging to them, and they will want you to conform to an expectation that makes them feel comfortable. People – especially other women – want to control women.

What do you think?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Do women scrutinize other women more than men do?
Yes. Women are a woman's worst enemy.
17
No. The patriarchy does all the scrutinizing.
4
Other. (leave a comment)
4
.
Do you ever feel like feminists want to control who women are, or what they do?
1
Yes. If women don't live their lives exactly as feminists think they should, they're accused of "setting back women's rights 50 years."
13
No. Feminists are fighting for the right to choose to be whoever you want to be, not who they want you to be.
9
Other (explain in a comment)
1
..
Do you think women's rights are progressing?
Yes. Like the author said, women have more rights now than they have ever.
22
No. We're still just as bad off as we were when we couldn't vote.
3
Other (leave a comment)
1
...
After reading the article, how do you feel about the author's point of view?
Beautifully said. If I have a daughter, I'm giving her this letter when she's old enough to read it.
9
He has a point, but... (leave a comment)
7
I don't agree at all. Here's why: (leave a comment)
3
Total votes: 94 (27 voters)
Poll is closed
03/15/2013
  • Save 40% on Vibrators
  • Get 3 amazing toys for $60 only
  • Eye of Love Pheromone Kit - Save 25%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
Wonderfully said. I'm one of those women who at the moment is choosing to stay home with my children and be a housewife. Not because I have to. Not because I've been told to. It's because, for this moment in time it feels to me like the best thing for me as well as my family.

I have noticed this strange shift, especially in these days of "Mommy Wars," aka working moms vs stay-at-home moms. We've gone from a society that told women that they must stay home to the exact opposite. Rarely has a man said to me that I, as a wife and mother, should be home. Most of the men I know are supportive of whatever choice I make and recognize both avenues as legitimate work, whether you get paid for it or not. However, almost every self-proclaimed feminist I've ever known told me in no uncertain terms that even though I have a choice, my choice is wrong. That I'm not a full adult. That I'm somehow a failure. That I'm a betrayal to the women that came before me. That I, by my choice, make it harder for other women. That I wasted my education. That they feel bad and worry for people like me.

Have we as a society come a long way in supporting the rights of women? Absolutely. We've come a long way and the last frontiers (equal pay, glass ceiling, etc.) are slowly being chipped away.

In short, I've never had a man constantly making snide comments about my life choices or the life choices of women in general. I have, however, had lots of feminists do that.
03/15/2013
ImaGodiva ImaGodiva
I don't think blanket statements apply to very many situations, this one included. A woman, or femininist, or patriarch, or person should each be judged by their own actions, not be assigned blame (or on the other side of the coin, be given credit) for an entire movement or for the actions of others.

I enjoyed the article/letter.
03/17/2013
novanilla novanilla
I just want to throw it out there that when women criticize or control other women, it usually still boils down to patriarchy and its standards for women, such as women policing each other's make up or clothes when those standards were created by men, who determine what sexy is in society. All women are trying to get ahead in a patriarchal society, and therefore they often adopt its principles and use them against others. I have been guilty of this in the past, and through feminism, have now worked toward not judging or criticizing women, including my housewife mother, which a poster above alluded to feminists hating.
03/21/2013
Missy27 Missy27
That's the sweetest letter from a future dad. It was lovely.
03/21/2013
bratcat bratcat
Quote:
Originally posted by novanilla
I just want to throw it out there that when women criticize or control other women, it usually still boils down to patriarchy and its standards for women, such as women policing each other's make up or clothes when those standards were created by ... More
i've been contemplating how to really respond to this post because honestly that letter made my blood boil, but this is something i 100% agree with. Also i agree with ImaGodiva, the who thing is a very borad-blanket statement made about women, and the feminist movement. Maybe when i can better articulate my thoughts i can post a more comprehensive statement on why this letter upset me so much/adds to the way women view women, feminist and how it's still something influenced a created by a patriarchal society.
03/23/2013
clp clp
I'm really not crazy about the presentation of that article. Two ideas that don't join, it seems to me.

A letter to his baby is awesome, and many things in there truly are the secret to life--nobody can make your decisions but you, and the sooner you learn that, the sooner you can enjoy it. However, wrapping that beautiful sentiment around a fist aimed at Feminism is a punch out of nowhere, and reads more like sassy pouty finger-pointing than any true insight.

I mostly consider myself a feminist. I think I should have an an equal opportunity to a job as a man, earn compensation at the same rate. I don't think ladies invite or deserve sexual assault, and I abhor the mentality that 'it isn't that big of a deal'. I'm proud of the accomplishments my grandmother made for her daughter and what my mother made for me. I've never been critical of another woman for her decision to have children, and if she does, whether she should hold a job at the same time. That decision seems to be mostly financially based, but since I've never been in the position, its no business of mine to say so.

However, I've never encountered a violent gang of screaming feminists that .... what does he say again? ... "People – and feminists especially, because you’re a woman – won’t want you to achieve your ambitions, or do great things, or live on your own terms, because it is a raw and painful reminder that they haven’t done the same. " Haters gonna hate, alright, but how *especially* feminists do this, I'd love to know. The point of feminism is to empower, not destruct, and THAT is the lesson that should be taught, not that radical others are wrong.

This 'letter' was more disrespectful than kind. Why not just come out and speak your disagreements, why hide behind a child? That's certainly how it seems.

Oh! And calling women 'wretched bitches' in a letter written to your own daughter?! Thats a Super Awesome thing to say. Way to make an example. Calling other women bitches (or anything on the mean lady list) gives social permission for someone else to call her the same. Its not a difficult concept to understand and its not a hard habit to correct. That has nothing to do with feminism, either, it is basic reciprocal decency.

How about telling her that she can be the best in ALL of her classes, if she wants to. Tell her she can be a ballerina, or a physicist, or a lawyer, or a programmer. Tell her to stand up for herself when people are unkind or unfair. Tell her that her heart will break, but it will heal, and be made better for it. Tell her that courage is being scared, but getting the job done anyway. Tell her all of the things that stand her up and make her strong, not break her and other little girls like her down. The daddies that demonstrate respect and love towards the women in his little girl's life are the daddies that earn brave daughters. Tell her to be brave.
03/23/2013
Samuel Samuel
Yes. Like the author said, women have more rights now than they have ever.
03/23/2013
bratcat bratcat
Quote:
Originally posted by clp
I'm really not crazy about the presentation of that article. Two ideas that don't join, it seems to me.

A letter to his baby is awesome, and many things in there truly are the secret to life--nobody can make your decisions but you, and ... More
You honestly really captured/adressed everything i felt was wrong with this letter, especially where this father calls women "wretched bitches." I dont believe this i a "sweet" or even appropriate letter to give a young impressionable girl let alone your own daughter. I think what irked me the most is, while yes women have progressed and earned more rights over the year (thanks to feminism!), they are still a marginalized/minority group - ultimently earning less money (for white women it's 72 cents to a man dollars, and gets lower when coupled with another minatory group status - ie, being a person of color), while having higher education/better degree than most men, yet somehow many women never hold CEO positions. Not to mention women also are still being blamed for their own sexual assaults - which i dont believe is making any sort of progress for rape survivors as well as women everywhere.
I dont think the person who wrote this took any real world issues, such that i have mentioned, into account but went with the idea that "all women are catty bitches who hate one an other and feminist are people who will tell you, you will never be good enough to succeed on your own and will blame men for everything."
03/23/2013
zeb zeb
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray




Welcome to this week's featured SexIs article:


Dear Daughter: Live Without Limits, by Roland Hulme!



Roland (aka Champagne and Benzedrine) is having a baby soon! In honor of International Women's Day, ... More
Yes Woman judge other woman too much
03/23/2013
never shy never shy
I think it was very wise and I think his daughter will see how right her dad was all theses years ago when she is grown
03/23/2013
clp clp
I'm really not crazy about the presentation of that article. Two ideas that don't join, it seems to me.

A letter to his baby is awesome, and many things in there truly are the secret to life--nobody can make your decisions but you, and the sooner you learn that, the sooner you can enjoy it. However, wrapping that beautiful sentiment around a fist aimed at Feminism is a punch out of nowhere, and reads more like sassy pouty finger-pointing than any true insight.

I mostly consider myself a feminist. I think I should have an an equal opportunity to a job as a man, earn compensation at the same rate. I don't think ladies invite or deserve sexual assault, and I abhor the mentality that 'it isn't that big of a deal'. I'm proud of the accomplishments my grandmother made for her daughter and what my mother made for me. I've never been critical of another woman for her decision to have children, and if she does, whether she should hold a job at the same time. That decision seems to be mostly financially based, but since I've never been in the position, its no business of mine to say so.

However, I've never encountered a violent gang of screaming feminists that .... what does he say again? ... "People – and feminists especially, because you’re a woman – won’t want you to achieve your ambitions, or do great things, or live on your own terms, because it is a raw and painful reminder that they haven’t done the same. " Haters gonna hate, alright, but how *especially* feminists do this, I'd love to know. The point of feminism is to empower, not destruct, and THAT is the lesson that should be taught, not that radical others are wrong.

This 'letter' was more disrespectful than kind. Why not just come out and speak your disagreements, why hide behind a child? That's certainly how it seems.

Oh! And calling women 'wretched bitches' in a letter written to your own daughter?! Thats a Super Awesome thing to say. Way to make an example. Calling other women bitches (or anything on the mean lady list) gives social permission for someone else to call her the same. Its not a difficult concept to understand and its not a hard habit to correct. That has nothing to do with feminism, either, it is basic reciprocal decency.

How about telling her that she can be the best in ALL of her classes, if she wants to. Tell her she can be a ballerina, or a physicist, or a lawyer, or a programmer. Tell her to stand up for herself when people are unkind or unfair. Tell her that her heart will break, but it will heal, and be made better for it. Tell her that courage is being scared, but getting the job done anyway. Tell her all of the things that stand her up and make her strong, not break her and other little girls like her down. The daddies that demonstrate respect and love towards the women in his little girl's life are the daddies that earn brave daughters. Tell her to be brave.
03/23/2013
SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
Quote:
Originally posted by novanilla
I just want to throw it out there that when women criticize or control other women, it usually still boils down to patriarchy and its standards for women, such as women policing each other's make up or clothes when those standards were created by ... More
I understand what you are saying, but doesn't blaming men for women's behavior towards each other take away power and responsibility from women? If we excuse it by saying, "That's OK. The patriarchy made you that way," how can anyone expect to move forward? It excuses a woman's behavior as something set out by a man, and therefore not her fault. Isn't taking away that personal choice and responsibility, by definition, anti-feminist?
03/24/2013
bratcat bratcat
Quote:
Originally posted by SneakersAndPearls
I understand what you are saying, but doesn't blaming men for women's behavior towards each other take away power and responsibility from women? If we excuse it by saying, "That's OK. The patriarchy made you that way," how can ... More
pretty sure thats not what this person is saying at all, by addressing that the idea of women being "catty toward toward one an other" stems from being a women in a patriarchal society, often in part coming from the way society portrays women as being "catty" or "bitchy" at every turn as well as setting up ridiculous beauty standards that are often unattainable. The media loves to pin women against each other making one's physical attributes the focus of the argument. Yes, women will scrutinize one an other, but it is often on these basses (created by the patriarch) and that should be addressed when talking about how to fix this "issue." Feminist adresses these issues and a very famous feminist slogan is actually "No grrrl/girl hate," promoting female togetherness and sisterhood - media and things like cosmo are what help to pin women against one an other. Also i dont know any one but second-wave radfems that think if you dont live your life according to some ideal thats no longer very relevant that you are not a "good feminist," since the movement is all about choice and one can choose to be or not be a wife, mother, career women or stay at home parent.
03/24/2013
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 10