#ExpressLove - #SexIs - I Love You So Much I Decided Not to Have You

Ansley Ansley


Can choosing not to have children be an expression of love?

To begin, I simply do not like children. From my childhood, I always preferred adults, as children my own age were confusing, illogical creatures that could never be predicted. Growing older did little to change this opinion, rather, it was cemented. Children are loud, lack the capacity to listen, fundamental reasoning skills, or any bit of self-control, they may have appeal, but it’s lost on me?
- T&A1987

The full article is here, on SexIs.




The above statement is rather controversial in a lot of circles because the idea of not liking children sends people reeling. How can you not like a precious child, they ask. This is sometimes followed with statements about how precious, defenseless, and innocent they are.

When did it become law that you had to have a child? Are we still holding onto the concepts of religion to go forth, be fruitful and multiply? Why is it so shocking for someone to not like children enough for them to want to have one of their own?

It should be perfectly okay to not be particularly fond of children or even out right dislike them, so long as you remain tolerant and compassionate towards them when the need arises. Yet, people can somehow think less of a person because of this. The reaction can often be as harsh as if you'd just told someone you kill kittens for fun.

Would it be so difficult to think, maybe just maybe, this person has done a lot of soul-searching and realizes they don't have the desire, the skills, the finances or the instincts to parent a child? With all of the complaints in this world about people being on social services and needing tax payers money to support themselves, shouldn't this person be congratulated and celebrated for not adding to the problem?

But, it all boils down to this - we have a "my body, my choice" mantra in this country. Why does that only seem to apply to abortions and medical exams? Why is it anyone's business whether or not you, or anyone else for that matter, procreates? And most importantly, how can both sides of the argument work together to help each other understand?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
For those who have children, does it bother you when people admit they don't like or want children?
Yes! Absolutely.
klyte
1
No, it's their choice. Just don't mistreat my kid.
Rayne Millaray , Beck , Kayla , Sammi , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , Kindred , unfulfilled , beccawalton , js250 , tortilla , Adriana Ravenlust , Loriandhubby , epiphanyjayne , TameTemptress , Kitka , P'Gell , Nora29714 , Carrie Ann , Airen Wolf , goodeatz , geekkink , SoloJoe , svalentine;) , rihanne , chikisses
25
It depends on how they say it, I guess.
blacklodge , Gunsmoke , dawnkye , DeliciousSurprise , Femme Mystique , P'Gell , guppiefish
7
.
For those who plan to never have children, does it bother you when people judge your choice?
True Pleasures , GONE! , caligaliber , Geogeo , BadassFatass , Rey , Intrepid Niddering
7
Yes! It's my body, my life.
Ansley , sexualscientists , Kayla , Ms. N , SMichelle , Bethrianne , VioletMoonstone , ghalik , Peggi , True Pleasures , Rin (aka Nire) , DeliciousSurprise , SadoMas , GONE! , aliceinthehole , Femme Mystique , Adriana Ravenlust , caligaliber , Apirka , Silverdrop , Geogeo , BadassFatass , Nora29714 , goodeatz , fallwillow , leatherlover , icyqueen , geekkink , Rey , SoloJoe , svalentine;) , ScarletFox , Intrepid Niddering , rihanne , sextoyreviewland , guppiefish , Theo S.
37
No, I kind of understand their reasoning.
I don't tell people I don't want to have kids. I make up answers on the fly when they ask.
..
bayosgirl
1
Do you think there should be a limit to how many kids a person is allowed to have?
True Pleasures , AnotherPrettyFace , caligaliber , Badass , JennSenn
5
Yes! But, like five or something like that. Nothing too strict.
Rayne Millaray , Kayla , blacklodge , Badass , bh253
5
No! It's a biological right that should not be tampered with by anyone.
Gunsmoke , js250 , aliceinthehole , Silverdrop , epiphanyjayne , TameTemptress , P'Gell , Nora29714 , SoloJoe , chikisses , Theo S.
11
I think people should know their limits and stay within them.
Ansley , Beck , sexualscientists , Kayla , Sammi , SMichelle , gloomybear , Bethrianne , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , humblepie , VioletMoonstone , ghalik , Peggi , Kindred , unfulfilled , True Pleasures , Rin (aka Nire) , DeliciousSurprise , GONE! , Femme Mystique , tortilla , AnotherPrettyFace , caligaliber , Loriandhubby , Apirka , Geogeo , Kitka , Sohotdinosaur , P'Gell , BadassFatass , Airen Wolf , goodeatz , fallwillow , leatherlover , bayosgirl , geekkink , svalentine;) , ScarletFox , Intrepid Niddering , rihanne , sextoyreviewland , KittenPrincess , JennSenn , guppiefish , karenm , Theo S.
46
...
Carrie Ann
1
Do you think financial stability...
True Pleasures , AnotherPrettyFace , caligaliber
3
Should not matter at all.
Loriandhubby , Silverdrop , epiphanyjayne
3
Should be taken into account and considered carefully by the individual.
Ansley , sexualscientists , Kayla , Sammi , SMichelle , gloomybear , Bethrianne , Gunsmoke , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , humblepie , VioletMoonstone , ghalik , Peggi , Kindred , unfulfilled , True Pleasures , Rin (aka Nire) , js250 , DeliciousSurprise , GONE! , aliceinthehole , Femme Mystique , tortilla , caligaliber , Apirka , Geogeo , TameTemptress , Kitka , Sohotdinosaur , P'Gell , BadassFatass , Nora29714 , Airen Wolf , goodeatz , Badass , leatherlover , bayosgirl , icyqueen , geekkink , SoloJoe , svalentine;) , ScarletFox , Intrepid Niddering , rihanne , sextoyreviewland , chikisses , KittenPrincess , JennSenn , guppiefish , karenm , Theo S.
51
Should be taken into account and used to determine limits by law.
Rayne Millaray , Kayla , blacklodge , quinceykay , AnotherPrettyFace , Carrie Ann , bh253
7
Undecided; one one hand kids are expensive, on the other love is free.
Katelyn
1
....
I have additional thoughts on this and I will comment below!
Beck , gloomybear , VioletMoonstone , ghalik , unfulfilled , GONE! , Femme Mystique , Silverdrop , P'Gell
9
Total votes: 220 (70 voters)
Poll is closed
05/04/2012
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Ansley Ansley
I'm kind of against the government stepping in for a lot of reasons when it comes to a lot of things. I think people should have the ability to make choices for birth control that are not costly to reduce the number of unintended pregnancies, but I don't think the government should have the right to demand sterilization of a woman or man because they have kids they can't or don't want to take care of, I just think it crosses a line.

That being said, I know it's really difficult to get birth control in various parts of the country but that isn't what this is addressing.

I do think choosing not to have children is not only an expression of self love but also of love for your community. If you know you don't have the personality to raise a child or that you can't provide them basic housing and meet their needs then it's best to wait until you can. Though, experts quip that you are never financially ready for a child because anything can happen.

It's a slippery slope and I definitely think that introspection on your level of comfort when dealing with children should be considered.

I never plan on having children and I am tolerant and even compassionate towards them, but I don't go out of my way to be around them or to be role models in their lives because I know that I am not what a child needs in their life. I am extremely selfish with my time and I love to sleep.
05/04/2012
Beck Beck
I don't care that people don't like children or opt not to have them. That is their choice and right. However, I think some people go about talking about it the wrong way. It's one thing to say "Becoming a parent isn't for me." But it's a completely other thing to call children names and express how much of a deep hatred you have for them. It works both ways. You shouldn't insult those who want/have children and they should respect your wishes.

I don't think the government should limit the number of children. Though, I think people should know what they can handle and not go over that limit. But accident's happen.

Financial stability is something I think people put far too much thought into about having children. If you go to college, then get a job, house, car, and so on. Are you going to wait until all of these are paid off until you have children? Because THAT would be stable. Well, unless you have a job making over $100,000 a year that isn't happening for a long time. Common people don't really have the luxury of financial stability. That is something that is reserved for the wealthy. You will always have some kind of debt.
05/04/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I got my tubes tied last year after spending years debating the issue with myself. I don't have the temperament to have my own children; I can barely afford to take care of myself never mind another life, I have plenty of genetic problems that I could pass on, and I just do not possess a maternal instinct. I've probably been overwhelmed with "OMG WNT KIDZ" about twice in my life, and neither phase lasted for more than a week or two; otherwise, I'm totally neutral on the matter of having children. Here's the obligatory disclaimer: I still like children as people.

I think the problem with the "no child by me" movement are the negative, violent loudmouths who use it as an excuse to be bullies, and make everyone who don't want children out to be hateful anti-social fuckwits. Which is why the rest of us who don't mind everyone else's children have to include obligatory disclaimers like I did above.

It's nothing against kids. It's us knowing that we aren't cut out to be parents, and we don't want to saddle a kid with our problems - it's not fair to the child to live in that sort of environment.

Yes, I chose not to have children out of love - knowing that I can't be the parent they want or need, and I will not be bullied into having them just so society can be comfortable. That's selfish of society to force a child into such a situation.
05/04/2012
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
This thread is so interesting because honestly I've never heared anyone else say my exact feelings on the subject! I don't want kids and never have. When I was a kid I hardly played with dolls. All my toys were animals. My personality is childish as it is and I like to have fun and I like to have my way. I like to sleep a lot too. lol. I'm a very calm and emotional person and I like my alone time. I feel like my mom and dad sacrificed so much when they had me and I want to live my life too the fullest because that's what they want me to do. If I had a kid I feel like it would ruin everything because then I'd have to do the sacrificing to give my kid everything he/she needs. I'm just not ready to do that and I really don't believe I ever will be. I don't feel like a mom at all! I don't have the money, skills or the desire to be a mom.

When I tell my mom or anyone else that I don't ever want kids I feel like they snicker at me behind my back like it's some sort of joke. It's not a joke to me. I'm very careful with my birth control and I'm really serious about not having kids. If I ever had such a strong feeling to seriously be a mom I would adopt. I think it's selfish for people to have children that they can't take care. I don't want to make more babies in the world when there are already so many children that need parents. I won't have kids because I love the earth and I love life and I want my own life! I can see how others can see that as selfish but honestly I feel like I'm making the world better by not having a bunch of kids that I can't pay for or care for correctly. I wish more people would respect me and understand it better.
05/05/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I don't care that people don't like children or opt not to have them. That is their choice and right. However, I think some people go about talking about it the wrong way. It's one thing to say "Becoming a parent isn't for ... More
I went to college, got a job, built our own house without taking out a loan before I got married and had children. That's the way I wanted it to be and that's worked out well for us. Doing it this way has allowed us to be less worry free about debt. We have a car loan now because it was unpreventable. A tornado like winds (straight line winds) came through and blew over a 100+ year old oak tree on my husbands Toyota Camry and squished it flat a few years ago so we had to take out a loan for his current car, but as soon as it gets paid off I don't want any more debt. I hate debt and have always been that way.

As far as kids go, I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion on whether or not they have children, just don't comment on my children, because I planned my children and love them.
05/05/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
This thread is so interesting because honestly I've never heared anyone else say my exact feelings on the subject! I don't want kids and never have. When I was a kid I hardly played with dolls. All my toys were animals. My personality is ... More
My mother spent many years making me feel ashamed of my choice for not having children. It was almost like she had me just to ensure she had grandchildren. I was more than mildly insulted by that.

I learned from her mistakes and decided not to have children, shouldn't she be praising me for knowing myself well enough to know that it's not for me?
05/05/2012
T&A1987 T&A1987
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
My mother spent many years making me feel ashamed of my choice for not having children. It was almost like she had me just to ensure she had grandchildren. I was more than mildly insulted by that.

I learned from her mistakes and decided not ... More
I've never understood the whole wanting grandchildren thing. Thankfully my mom has never pushed for kids, but from what i've heard and seen in the media, it is common for parents to feel entitled to grand children. Maybe grandchildren represent the best parts of parenting distilled. fun activities and love, before handing them off to the parents when the unpleasant parts begin.
05/05/2012
beccawalton beccawalton
I have 4 kids and their the love of my life but it does not bother me when someone says the dont want kids thats up to them and they will none when or if they are ready for kids
05/05/2012
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
I've never understood the whole wanting grandchildren thing. Thankfully my mom has never pushed for kids, but from what i've heard and seen in the media, it is common for parents to feel entitled to grand children. Maybe grandchildren ... More
There's an arguable evolutionary reason for it: grandchildren are basically a confirmation that your genes were able to survive and continue on through a generation. Having children of your own is one thing, but seeing that they're "good enough" at life to have children of their own is a testament to your genetic prowess.

That said, in human society, this is no longer relevant, and hasn't been for a long, long time. Especially since it is now almost too easy for humans to have kids and pass on their genes. So now it's basically a societal norm that has an extremely firm hold on the race as a whole and probably won't be letting go anytime soon.
05/05/2012
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
There's so many reasons I don't want kids.

1) I don't think I'd be a good parent.
2) I don't want any child to be the way I was (and still am at times): anti-social yet incredibly lonely, nervous, hyper-aware of my surroundings, overly sensitive, fearful, and self-doubting.
3) I like my free time.
4) I am generally uncomfortable around most children, and have been ever since I myself was a kid. Many are confusing, irrational creatures that don't listen even when you're at your most serious, and there's no way of knowing if your own children will be like that until after you've had them.
5) I don't want to go through pregnancy. Some women adore the idea, but to me it sounds horrible. Even if I did want kids, I'd adopt.
6) I'm just not interested.
7-?) I could probably think of more, given time.

Usually, not one of those reasons gets through anyone's head. My mother and older brother can accept my decision, but my dad still believes that one day I'll magically change my mind. My response is, "I decided when I was sixteen that I didn't want kids. My opinion hasn't changed once in seven years, and I don't think more time is going to have any effect."

I especially hate the whole "you'll understand once you've had one" rationalization. Doesn't nobody realize just how irresponsible that line of thought is? While it might happen like that for some people, it is not inherently true for everyone - plenty of sad individuals have had children and never gained a desire to have anything to do with them.

I don't hesitate to say that even though I love my little nephews tremendously and would die for them, their birth and existence has cemented my determination not to have any children of my own. I bet that just confuses the hell out of some people.
05/05/2012
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
My mother spent many years making me feel ashamed of my choice for not having children. It was almost like she had me just to ensure she had grandchildren. I was more than mildly insulted by that.

I learned from her mistakes and decided not ... More
I live in a small town and I definitely get weird feelings from people I used to know in high school and older adults that knew me. They think that it's crazy that I'm not married yet and that I don't have any kids. It freaks them out more when I express my feelings about not wanting kids at all. It's like I'm an alien from a different planet. Most of the girls I knew in high school got pregnant within the first year of senior year or after graduating. I just always knew for years and years that I just don't want to be a mom. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years and we talk about getting married someday but we're just not ready right now. I'm 24 and he's 26. I feel like our families are waiting around for us to get a move on and I don't get it. lol. Everytime I see my family they always ask me, "are you gonna get married yet?!"

It annoys me a lot when I'm downtown and old friends come up and ask me if we're married and when I'm going to have kids like it's expected. They look so shocked when I say, "no, I'm not married and I don't ever want kids." Woah, did that just happen! lol. I understand that it's possible for me to get pregnant even though my chances are extremely low because I'm on birth control. I hope it never happens but I'm not going to pretend like it's 100% impossible because I know it's not. I just wish people would understand that if I got pregnant, to me it would feel the same as being told I had a terminal illness or that my cat just died. I won't be jumping for joy that's for sure. All of that is just based on my own experiences in life and watching others. I don't want to take care of kids. I want to curl up in a chair with a good book and enjoy the peace. Ahhh.
05/06/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
I live in a small town and I definitely get weird feelings from people I used to know in high school and older adults that knew me. They think that it's crazy that I'm not married yet and that I don't have any kids. It freaks them out ... More
I admit that I am a terrible human being in this regard because when I find out that friends have had children, I pull a "Robin" and just disappear. I find that I have absolutely nothing in common with them anymore. It's sad, but oh so very true.

When I got pregnant, it did feel like a terminal illness and it did feel like my entire life was over. Thankfully, I was able to handle the situation with grace and dignity, but even though I terminated my pregnancy, I do not regret it.

I can only imagine how miserable I would be with a fifteen year old running around my house and dictating my life for me.

I wonder if that's the difference between people who want kids and people who don't - the way we grew up? I mean it sounds obvious, but I resented people telling me what to do, how to act, and who to be when I was a kid. I certainly would never want to do that to a child of my own.
05/06/2012
js250 js250
I love children and am happy that I was able to have my daughter.

With that said, I have definitely met people who should never or should never have had children. My mother is a good example of one who should never have had children. Yes, now I am glad she did, but it was not always so easy. Too many people have children and have no tolerance for them....
05/06/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I love children and am happy that I was able to have my daughter.

With that said, I have definitely met people who should never or should never have had children. My mother is a good example of one who should never have had children. Yes, now ... More
I just had to delete a whole rant about the unsuitability of some people for parenthood ... after reading it over, I discovered that it may make some people ill (especially the bit about the surgeries my mother had to have due to being sexually-maimed at the age of five).

Suffice to say, I do not wear rose-colored glasses and think that EVERYONE should be a parent. There are horrors that should not be done unto a child when you know those horrors exist.
05/06/2012
Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
I don't mind when people don't want children. I do mind when they act like children sharing public spaces with them is a horrible inconvenience and that adults should not bring their children out in public.
05/07/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I just had to delete a whole rant about the unsuitability of some people for parenthood ... after reading it over, I discovered that it may make some people ill (especially the bit about the surgeries my mother had to have due to being ... More
Oh I am in the same camp with you. I think less people should be having children and more should be done to get birth control in the hands of everyone who wants/needs it.
05/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Femme Mystique
I don't mind when people don't want children. I do mind when they act like children sharing public spaces with them is a horrible inconvenience and that adults should not bring their children out in public.
I don't think people shouldn't bring their children out in public but I do think that a child crying is very unnerving and unsettling and it kills my ears. I try not to get angry, but it's an automatic response and it's not something that I actively want to make a stink about. It's just a natural reaction when I hear a child cry. I want to stuff my ears with wax and run for cover. It's the same as the sound of nails on a chalkboard to me.
05/08/2012
Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
Hello,
For me, I think it is your right to choose not to have kids. To each their own, I say. But, I think it would upset me if i was playing with my kids at the park and a friend said, " Hey I don't like kids and I'm never having any." To me that would be sort of offensively put. But having a conversation, where the point is not to harm or hurt anyone’s feelings.. why couldn't feel safe to express your own personal views? We are all adults right?

On the note of the government stepping in.. WHAT??? I don't want to live like China and have kids thrown out or killed because the government says enough. Also government sterilization is a place I don't want to go. That is more socialism to me. Government deciding what is best for the whole rather than individual rights.

About financial responsibility. .. Well, let’s see. I know several people who on the outside appear to be well of, or rich even. They aren't. They are in dept just like the rest of the world. Sure they have nice cars, live at the country club, but really. Who in the world can get all of that stuff without a loan and huge payments. Rich, poor, or in-between we all struggle in our own ways with our own dept.

Should you be finically stable? What is that, really? Jobs are leaving the country every day. We do not produce our own goods anymore. People who have secure jobs for years go to work one day to find out there is no job next year. Then getting a replacement job is very difficult. We are on a downhill spiral. Do we stop having kids? Gosh no. I have two kids. I'm dirt poor. Really I am. And we are the happiest family, we don't have a pot to piss in, but we have love. Who needs new computers every b-day, who needs nice clothes? We are perfectly happy getting stuff at the Goodwill or yard sales. Nothing at all wrong with that. We have food, we have shelter ( dilapidated as it maybe, but safe). We have pets, Second hand furniture. And we are happy. Very happy. The kids have not suffered. If anything they have learned to be frugal and happy with what they have. Not keeping up with the Jones.

The kids turned out great. Better than some I know who come from more well off families. They have never drank, don't do drugs, and one in the Army, one leaving in less than a month for the Army. They are good kids. Having money or not having money has not done this for them. it was a sound raising and a lot of luck.
05/08/2012
Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I admit that I am a terrible human being in this regard because when I find out that friends have had children, I pull a "Robin" and just disappear. I find that I have absolutely nothing in common with them anymore. It's sad, but oh so ... More
Past experiences maybe the reason some choose not to have children of their own. For me it was not an issue.

I was adopted by people who did not even want a kid. The family kind of forced me onto them. They had a child who died in front of them just prior to my birth. So needless to say, my childhood stunk. It was horrible. Can you imagine being in a home for years and always knowing you were not wanted or loved? But, I came out of it. I have not spoken to my adopted mother in over 17 years. She lives close by. I never speak. I don't even want to see her.

But when my kids came along, to me it was my chance to give back; to do things differently. And it all worked out ok.
05/08/2012
Apirka Apirka
I don't have children and I'm not all that keen on having any. Never was. Growing up, it wasn't my top priority to get married and pop out a few kiddos, as it seemed all my friends wanted. And I've never been all goo-goo over babies, either. Honestly, I don't like it when someone shoves their baby at me. I don't know what to do with it! It can't talk or really play, it burps, farts, poops in its pants, throws up, screams, etc... Not at all appealing. Now give me a boxful of kittens and I'll bring out the baby talk!

As for older children... I'm fine with five year olds and such. They're fun to play with, but they're also fun to send back home to their parents. Babies, toddlers and teenagers - I'd rather stay away from. That being said, I do care for my cousin's three year old for about 10 hours a day while she works. Lemme just say this - BEST FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL EVER! Heh.

I don't care at all for people nagging me about having kids of my own and telling me that I'm missing out on not having them. I don't think I am at all. I really don't think I have the motherly gene (plus my mother wasn't the greatest and I have a big fear of turning out like her if I do have kids). I'm perfectly content without offspring and I'd be even happier if other people would butt out and not make it their business if I don't happen to absolutely adore their little darlings (or anyone else's). It's my body, I'm quite capable of deciding what to do with it.

But of course, opinions can change. Perhaps someday I'll meet the love of my life and want to raise a child with them. So be it. But doing so won't be my "reason for living" or complete me. Though at this point in my life (I just turned 34), kids aren't something that I want.
05/08/2012
Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
Quote:
Originally posted by Apirka
I don't have children and I'm not all that keen on having any. Never was. Growing up, it wasn't my top priority to get married and pop out a few kiddos, as it seemed all my friends wanted. And I've never been all goo-goo over ... More
i love the part where you say "but out" . yes, this is so true. I have never told someone they should have kids. It's there life not mine. Why does people always want to give unwanted and un asked for advice?

I have kids two.. But would I tell someone this is what they need to do.. NO WAY!!!
05/08/2012
Silverdrop Silverdrop
The article itself is good, but the title is crass and insulting. I'm childless by choice and it has nothing to do with my love for an imaginary being that will never exist. It's because of my love for myself and how I want to live my own life. To try and compare love for a theoretical child to the love a parent feels for their actual living child is just ridiculous. It felt like it was tacked on to try and make it fit #ExpressLove month.
05/08/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
It's less that I like children but that I am fascinated by biological procreation. There are two types of cells in your body: somatic cells and germ cells. Somatic cells are your body that carries you, feeds you, heats you, and communicates with other creatures. Germ cells are cells that potentially belong to someone else. It's half of some future creatures soma that you have in your ovaries. It just blows my mind to think about it.

On the other hand, I'm not against birth control, regulated abortion, or just not wanting to procreate. Some people would make terrible parents and just shouldn't have kids, that I understand and support. I also understand recognizing that you have bad genes (Like that you've got some weird mutation from living in a volcano and there's a 90% chance your kid will be born with no head) and choosing to remove yourself from the gene pool.

The reason I get upset about those who chose to not procreate is when they get up in everyones business, call us strange names (Breeders? Really? Like we're some cows?), and insult children they've never met. I get upset when anyone gets in anyone elses business, though, and have bitched people out before for saying things like "God doesn't like you stealing" because you know what? That's between them and God and if they have done a lot of praying and feel it's alright, lock them up or whatever but don't get in their (and God's) business.

/rant
05/09/2012
Geogeo Geogeo
Shouldn't be the government's choice, but it's good they are there to step in when neglect and problems arise and social services are called in. And it does bother me when people think "it's sad" that I, a 24 year old female, don't want children. The people I know that have children just complain all the time...why would I want that life?
05/09/2012
Kitka Kitka
As long as the people who don't want/like children say so respectfully I don't think it should matter. Those that do have children should also understand that not everyone shares their opinions and should not try to force them on others. I don't see a problem with either side of this discussion as long as we're all respectful of everyone else's opinions

As for limiting the number of children one should have, I don't think that should be allowed. Individuals should be able to figure out themselves when they're ready for children and how many they can handle having if they decide to have any at all.
05/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Loriandhubby
Past experiences maybe the reason some choose not to have children of their own. For me it was not an issue.

I was adopted by people who did not even want a kid. The family kind of forced me onto them. They had a child who died in front of ... More
I always knew I was wanted, but my mother wasn't the best at showing love or actually loving. She was damaged by the things her parents did to her. It affected me greatly. Every decision I made as a teenager to my young adulthood was in an effort to seek genuine, loving attention and affection.
05/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Apirka
I don't have children and I'm not all that keen on having any. Never was. Growing up, it wasn't my top priority to get married and pop out a few kiddos, as it seemed all my friends wanted. And I've never been all goo-goo over ... More
I used to regularly speak to a friend of mine on the phone and she was so disinterested in her children that they would behave like terrors while she was talking to me. They would let out blood curdling screams, cry, fight with each other, demand her attention by pulling on her. There were days I just put her on speaker and let her ramble while I went about my busy and would occasionally make noises like I was listening and then pray one of them would be dastardly enough to make her get off the phone so I didn't have to listen to it. The last time she called, I finally told her I'd had enough.

Keep them entertained and busy so we can catch up. Or if you can't keep your kids quiet, don't call me. Whichever is fine by me. Email works, too.
05/09/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Silverdrop
The article itself is good, but the title is crass and insulting. I'm childless by choice and it has nothing to do with my love for an imaginary being that will never exist. It's because of my love for myself and how I want to live my own ... More
I think it really depends on which form of "you" you want to infer in the title. The first you doesn't necessarily have to be the hypothetical child, it could be the author, their partner, the community, the world...

And it's great that you've made that decision for yourself. It's great that you know yourself that well. Do people often ask or tell you that you're going to regret it later?
05/09/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I have children. I LOVE children. My work involves children (for those who somehow managed to not notice () I'm a Lactation Consultant and Post Partum Doula)

HOWEVER, I feel strongly that people who do not enjoy the company of children should not have them. Mainly because it's unfair to those children! I know people who don't care for kids, have them anyway (either because they think "that's what you're supposed to do" or "OOPS!") and neither they nor their children are happy. The whole "once you hold that baby in your arms, everything changes and you will love the baby" is bullshit!

I've worked with too many clients who should NOT have had kids, didn't enjoy being parents, and thought that somehow "magic" would happen when they "held that baby in their arms." Then it didn't and they and the ill begotten child they brought into the world are all miserable.

No one who doesn't like kids should have them. Chances are, if you don't like other people's kids, you won't like your own. Then everybody (and society) suffers.

That being said, it goes the other way, too. "Keep your laws off my body" includes "Keep your damn laws and comments to yourself when it comes to how many kids I want to have." I respect those who don't want kids. I fully support them. I expect them to feel the same way about myself and my NEED to have children. Yes, the whole "Duggar phenomenon" is ridiculous (19 kids?) BUT, there should never be any laws determining how many children an otherwise healthy and good parent decides to have.

RESPECT should go both ways. I see it as one sided with childless people (yeah, I don't care for the entire "Child-Free" movement and what they stand for, mainly wanting to take away MY right to have children and want to exclude MY babies from public) when they don't want kids.... and don't want ME to have them either.

The respect should go both ways. Some people make good parents, chances are they KNOW it ahead of time. Other people would not make good or happy parents, most of the time they KNOW it ahead of time. We can respect each other's wishes and life choices.
05/09/2012
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Total posts: 48
Unique posters: 27