Making positive changes; how does it really work?

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Making positive changes; how does it really work?

Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
So I'm reading Petra's article this morning and comparing scenario one with scenario two and I'm thinking, yeah, that sounds good. Make positive changes, think positive thoughts, be proactive and the day turns out better. Simple. Easy.

Or is it?

How often does it really work? How often can we actually do it without stress beating us down into our normal responses? Can it be maintained every day? Do you do it? Does it work on a regular basis? Can you train yourself to have positive responses BE your norm?

What say you?

Even applying this to things other than motherhood -- being super stressed and busy with work or school, for instance.

Does it work?
06/17/2009
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Raven Raven
We've all heard it said many times and it's the truth that you can't always control what happens around you but you can control your response to it.

For quite a few years I have been trying to make positive changes in my life and for the most part, it has been successful. I try to take a moment to ascertain if the situation is one that I can change and if not, I know that it's not worth the stress I will put on my body if I stew over it or in some way make myself miserable. Most times this works, but not always. I realize there will be times when I've had it up to here, and I can't tolerate one more rotten thing, but I am not going to beat myself up over the fact that I need an occasional meltdown.

The problem with trying to be more positive is that there is SOOO much out of our control---I can't change the personality of my boss, what my neighbors do, how other people drive, the weather, a professor's nastiness or the stupid school policies, etc., so I'm right back to having to change my reaction to all those things. It is not easy, but it is the only real choice we have. If we are dealing with something that we have the power to affect, then that is a different matter.

For me, taking some time to stop and put on some soothing music, meditating, walking through a very green, natural setting, and having sufficient orgasms helps me to get rid of the sharp bits I may have picked up during the day. I don't have children, so doing these things may be easier for me than it is for people who do have kids.
06/17/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
A few years back I was working at a job which I didn't love but it was pretty much the only thing going on in my life. I was sick of being miserable all the time so I invented a sort of "mantra" for myself and tried to keep it in mind at all times. It really did help just to remember, like merinus said, that while I couldn't control what happened to me, I could control my reaction to it. It wasn't always easy, especially because I anger so easily, and I rarely think about that mantra anymore these days (maybe I should) but when I was making that effort, it did help.
06/17/2009
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
I remember when we had to read "7 Habits of High Effective Teens" my freshman year of high school. There was a section about thinking positively, taking responsibility for your emotions, and being proactive instead of reactive. I thought the author obviously had no idea what he was talking about; it's hard to be positive sometimes when you feel like the sky is falling, even when it seems trivial in hindsight.

Some time later, though, I noticed that whenever a friend came to me for advice about some new teen angst drama, I would advise them to be proactive about it, to try and control how they felt about upsetting situations. In short, I was pretty much a hypocrite, spouting a fountain of wisdom that I didn't take seriously myself. So I forced myself to listen to my own advice. It wasn't easy to form the habit, and I'm sure I've slipped out of it as of late. I definitely have to keep reminding myself to not freak out when something crazy is going down.
06/17/2009
Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
So I'm reading Petra's article this morning and comparing scenario one with scenario two and I'm thinking, yeah, that sounds good. Make positive changes, think positive thoughts, be proactive and the day turns out better. Simple. ...
You guys all have such awesome stuff to say about this matter. It is SUPER hard, and although I try to do it myself, I realize that there are just days when everything has gone to shit and there's no turning back. But something I really noticed about myself was how I automatically looked to the negative, and never tried to find the silver lining or be proactive and all that serves to do is make you miserable, for sure.

So one of my goals in my life recently has been to see the glass half full and it really has worked at pulling me out of those negative Nelly days where I get nothing done and am a beast to be around.

Hey, little steps, right?
06/18/2009
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Wise Young Mommy
You guys all have such awesome stuff to say about this matter. It is SUPER hard, and although I try to do it myself, I realize that there are just days when everything has gone to shit and there's no turning back. But something I really noticed ...
There are definitely days when the shit hits the fan and you just want to curl up and cry. Something I've done in the past to keep my thoughts in the positive: Every night before I went to bed, I would thank God/karma/the universe(???) for all the good things that happened to me that day. I'm not overtly religious, and I don't really pray, but it helps to make a list of the little things that went right each day because it trains your mind to look at the positive. I haven't done it in a while... maybe I should start again
06/18/2009
Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
That's a good one Miss C. For a while, I was also trying to mentally be grateful for all the blessings in my life and it does help with your outlook. I think when you become a mom especially, you are so overwhelmed that it is hard to stop and take the time to do it.
06/18/2009
Mommysescape6.0 Mommysescape6.0
Quote:
Originally posted by Wise Young Mommy
You guys all have such awesome stuff to say about this matter. It is SUPER hard, and although I try to do it myself, I realize that there are just days when everything has gone to shit and there's no turning back. But something I really noticed ...
I so agree with u and am trying my hardest to do so but there is one barrier - my hubs! Yeah, he wants it but will not initiate it. His way of romancing me is to come up to me as I am wrangling a screaming toddler or attempting to fight off the dog is to grab at my crotch or boobs (well, lack there of) - HELLO!! Is this supposed to turn me on? I like a bit of the rough stuff some times but warm me up first okay?
06/18/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
So I'm reading Petra's article this morning and comparing scenario one with scenario two and I'm thinking, yeah, that sounds good. Make positive changes, think positive thoughts, be proactive and the day turns out better. Simple. ...
If you live your life according the the principles of the Law of Attraction it can make very positive changes in your life especially during stressful times. My marriage is a prime example of that...I changed my negative thinking around and amazing things happened. It ain't easy though and sometimes I find myself having to sit myself down to a stern talking to but with practice it becomes almost second nature.
02/06/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Wise Young Mommy
That's a good one Miss C. For a while, I was also trying to mentally be grateful for all the blessings in my life and it does help with your outlook. I think when you become a mom especially, you are so overwhelmed that it is hard to stop and ...
The guilt over the little things you imagine you are or are not doing for and with your kids is the WORST part of being a parent! I find 'counting blessings' to be a soothing way to ease those pangs. Remembering the laughter and the quiet times with the kids help as well.
02/06/2010
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I have made positive - and permanent changes to my own personality - and I've seen others do it. But does that mean that the technique can be used to solve every problem you encounter? Well maybe - but for me the answer is no, I still struggle mightily with things I'd like to change but have had mixed or inconsistent success with. My way of staying positive is evidenced by how I characterize my failures as 'inconsistent success'.

Still trying!
02/07/2010
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 8