Personally, I find the whole, "Oh, you're a wannabe when it comes to BDSM" or, "You're not a *real* *insert BDSM role here*" is completely childish and honestly off-putting. Even when not in the context of BDSM, it's still just very rude and I personally don't like it.
I see the BDSM lifestyle kind of like how Wicca is. In Wicca there is no set religious dogma, and what you believe is what you believe without anyone saying, "Oh, you have to believe *this*, and do things *this* way" (Excluding very few things, such as the Rede, which says "Harm None" for example, as that is generally accepted by many of the Wiccan faith).
Basically, that there is more than one way of going about things and that there is no one "right" way.
In the case of the BDSM lifestyle, I believe that one should do what works best for them and do what is enjoyable for all parties involved. And that they should be allowed to do what works best for the people in question, without someone telling them they're not a "real" Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/e tc (excluding, say, the Safe, Sane, and Consensual rule, as such is very important for everyone's safety).
Some may say that Synthetik and I are "wannabes", because he doesn't (thusfar) control my finances for example, or because for the most part he lets me make alot of my own decisions, and other things.
But what I think matters more than what someone thinks about our relationship, is that to me, the BDSM aspect is real, it is true, and it's certainly not "wannabe-ish". Albeit, it's not how alot of people go about it, and who knows, in the future we may not even go about it the same way, but the fact of the matter is that whatever the case, he and I will do what works best for us, regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.
And as for the, "Everyone Judges" bit. Yes, technically we all judge people, as humans it's natural for us to do so. We're wired to assess people, things, and situations from how they appear to us, even before knowing the entire story of the person, thing, or situation.
***HOWEVER*** It is when that judging affects how you treat someone (before knowing all the facts) that it becomes an issue and a problem.
I agree with P'Gell 100% when she wrote:
"My play is likewise not for others to judge or label. The only time someone is "doing sex wrong" is when they aren't having fun. Other than that, it's up the individual."
(Yay for textwalls, lol)