Sex and The Suburbs: Getting it On Without Traumatizing Your Children--How do YOU do it?

Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
Hey everyone, the time has come yet again for Sex and The Suburbs and this week we are talking about getting around the pesky little fact that your kids are always walking around the house like they live there or something, which puts a rather large cramp in your lovemaking stylings.

So do you let it keep you from getting off? Does it ruin the mood? Or do you just consider it an occupational hazard and take your chances? Are moms sacrificing their love lives for co-existing with their offspring? Let me hear it ladies!

And while you are at it, tell me how you subtly let your partner know that mommy just isn't "in the mood." In an upcoming column, we will be discussing the subtle art of the brush off, whether it is "I just don't feel like it" or "Don't even think about coming at me with that thing right now!" How do you do it?

I can't wait to hear from all of you--bring it on!
06/24/2009
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Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Once upon a time, when my son was 12-ish, we both got all horned up. So we decided to send him over to the local park which has a small lake in search of a frog for our backyard pond.

We told him where the frogs would likely be hiding and made it fun for him by teasing and challenging him, presenting it like there was no way he would find one and, wow, wouldn't it be special if he did!

We figured we had an hour, at least, to get our freak on.

He came back with a fucking dog.

Seriously for real.

A fat, sad eyed beagle followed him home.

We eventually found the beagle's real owners but for a LONG time the running joke in our house was FROG, not DOG.

Um. Anyhow. I guess since he's been old enough to wander around and play without supervision we try to take advantage of the times he's out of the house cuz it's about impossible to sneak time when a teenager is around!
06/24/2009
Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Once upon a time, when my son was 12-ish, we both got all horned up. So we decided to send him over to the local park which has a small lake in search of a frog for our backyard pond.

We told him where the frogs would likely be hiding and ... More
haha, that is too funny! A freakin' dog??

Yeah, it must get even more difficult when they get older and actually KNOW what is going on when they hear something coming from the bedroom...
06/24/2009
NuMe NuMe
Quote:
Originally posted by Wise Young Mommy
haha, that is too funny! A freakin' dog??

Yeah, it must get even more difficult when they get older and actually KNOW what is going on when they hear something coming from the bedroom...
It does get more difficult. One problem for us is that I'm especially noisy and I have no choice in that matter.

At the point I just gave up and said "Whatever...How do you think you got here?"

My kids are all grown up and moved away and they still pick on us.


Oh and by the way, I remember "Don't even think about coming at me with that thing right now!"

Hahahaha!!!! Those were the days. And I'm happy to report that those days are gone for us.
06/24/2009
Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
Quote:
Originally posted by NuMe
It does get more difficult. One problem for us is that I'm especially noisy and I have no choice in that matter.

At the point I just gave up and said "Whatever...How do you think you got here?"

My kids are all grown up ... More
That's great--next week I will be talking about "talking" to your kids about what you are doing behind closed doors, when they walk in, etc. I love the honesty angle - "how do you think you got here?" LOL.
06/24/2009
Sammi Sammi
We don't let it stop us much. A lot of times we find ourselves "keeping watch" so that we know they're coming down the stairs and we have time to cool it. We usually try to wait till they're outside or asleep, if we can. It probably helps that they are young and sleep like the dead.

There's been a night or two where I've gotten louder than usual, and the kids have heard. We tell them we are/were watching a horror movie or something - I don't want to freak them out too much . Luckily if it wakes them they stop at the top of the stairs - I'd die if they came down and caught us!

Lately, mommy is trying to subtly tell daddy that she's "in the mood constantly". I swear if I could bottle my horniness and sell it, I'd be a billionaire by now. I can't seem to get enough.
06/24/2009
Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
We don't let it stop us much. A lot of times we find ourselves "keeping watch" so that we know they're coming down the stairs and we have time to cool it. We usually try to wait till they're outside or asleep, if we can. It ... More
I think you would become a gazillionaire! lol.
06/24/2009
Jaonei6726 Jaonei6726
I don't have that problem any more, but when I was married and my kids were little, the hubby and I were having a little very early morning sexercise session. Thankfully, it was winter and we were under the covers. I open my eyes, to find my son, thumb in mouth, standing by my side of the bed, waiting patiently for me to notice him so he could tell me something. Don't ask me what he wanted, but what I do remember was that little session was over!
06/24/2009
Sleeping Dreamer Sleeping Dreamer
My husband loves to have sex in the middle of the day but we have a 4 year old. We found one way to get him to sit still (he has ADHD) for 15 minutes so we can have coitus uninterruptus. Upto10 - a fantastic website that is easy for kids to navigate. Although, my son constantly switches it over to the French version of the website and refuses to frequent the English one.

But I feel guilty having sex when he is still awake and able to come rushing into the bedroom. However, sex has been infrequent and I know when my son is asleep at night my husband will refuse to have sex and then fall asleep instead... or he's the one that will fake a headache. On this off chance where I am like, "okay, what the hell, let's do it", in the middle of the day- it's always quick, there isn't any foreplay, and I tell my husband to keep his big ass mouth shut from moaning.

But we've been getting into a lot of discussions revolving around sex/body parts/and babies. My son keeps telling us, "when I have a baby......." they're usually these long 30 minute rants that could be expressed in 30 seconds- so he's like my Great Aunt Ida, I'll suffer through. But he asks us where they come from and how to have them. My husband keeps telling me to not be so direct and not use clinical terms but there isn't any other way to tell it. I don't want him thinking they come from the clouds (Thanks a lot UP, now I have more 'splaining to do) so I have to get a little descriptive, I haven't told him the big reveal yet because I don't want to traumatize the kid for life. Well, at least not yet.
06/24/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Apparently, when I was under the age of 5 and still believed in Santa, my parents would tell us that they were going to talk to Santa Claus upstairs, so we had to stay in the living room and play and be good. They did it the whole year round. =P
06/24/2009
Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
Apparently, when I was under the age of 5 and still believed in Santa, my parents would tell us that they were going to talk to Santa Claus upstairs, so we had to stay in the living room and play and be good. They did it the whole year round. =P
haha, I absolutely adore that. That is priceless. Your parents are very creative people
06/25/2009
NaughtyButterfly NaughtyButterfly
We have a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 year old, so we wait till they are asleep or send them to Mimi & Papa's & then sex it up all around the house.
06/25/2009
Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
Quote:
Originally posted by NaughtyButterfly
We have a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 year old, so we wait till they are asleep or send them to Mimi & Papa's & then sex it up all around the house.
Nice! Hopefully they are sound sleepers...lol
06/25/2009
ScottA ScottA
Don't have kids yet, but why not be more overt about it. Tell the kids that "Mom and data (or whatever is applicable) need some time alone to be with each other. We might be noisy, but that's OK, it's our alone time and it's important. When you see a red card (or some other sign) on our door don't bug us unless it's a 9 or 10 on the big deal scale."

That and a door lock for insurance.
06/25/2009
Wise Young Mommy Wise Young Mommy
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Don't have kids yet, but why not be more overt about it. Tell the kids that "Mom and data (or whatever is applicable) need some time alone to be with each other. We might be noisy, but that's OK, it's our alone time and it's ... More
I like that idea about the red card! I discuss some similar options in next week's column, because I, too, believe it is a good thing to be more open about it.
06/26/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Don't have kids yet, but why not be more overt about it. Tell the kids that "Mom and data (or whatever is applicable) need some time alone to be with each other. We might be noisy, but that's OK, it's our alone time and it's ... More
That makes me think of Meet the Fockers and the hat on the door. =P
06/26/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Wise Young Mommy
Hey everyone, the time has come yet again for Sex and The Suburbs and this week we are talking about getting around the pesky little fact that your kids are always walking around the house like they live there or something, which puts a rather large ... More
I have never let the fact that we have kids cramp my sex life except for the all consuming fatigue that accompanies any newborn! Since Sigel and Arch as very good about doing their share at least we are all too tired for romping!

We usually wait till kids are asleep or at least in their rooms but we also make use of the bedroom door...in our house if the door is shut you definately wanna knock and wait to be let in. You might see something you really could have lived without if you barge right in. We reinforce that by knocking when the girls are behind a closed door, though it isn't safe to do that when they are little as we learned to our chagrin. My daughter was happily flushing foaming bath tabs down the toilet...and that causes quite the mess lemme tell ya!

I normally just copme right out and say that I don't feel good or I'm just not in the mood because in our house if you don't say it outright it is seen as being passive-aggressive or some such. We ask when we are in the mood and let everyone involved know it when we aren't. Sometimes I will not say anything and just do what I'm being asked for, and sometimes those are the most erotic and exciting times. It's a sort of give and take.
02/06/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
We don't let it stop us much. A lot of times we find ourselves "keeping watch" so that we know they're coming down the stairs and we have time to cool it. We usually try to wait till they're outside or asleep, if we can. It ... More
OMG ok so my daughter heard us one night, her room was right next to ours. She came out of her bedroom the next morning with a strange look on her face and asked us quite beligerantly, "How come it's ok for you and Daddy to jump on the beds but you yell at us?"

I tried to keep a straight face and just told her it's because we have a special bed that won't break if we "jump" on it. I also told her that it was too high off the floor for her and her sister to jump on since they could fall and get hurt (Daughter #1 is allergic to pain so this tactic worked as I elaborated on the possible things that could happen). She was pleased that when she got bigger she could buy a bed for "jumping" on. Good times, Good times!
02/06/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sleeping Dreamer
My husband loves to have sex in the middle of the day but we have a 4 year old. We found one way to get him to sit still (he has ADHD) for 15 minutes so we can have coitus uninterruptus. Upto10 - a fantastic website that is easy for kids to navigate. ... More
My Mother was a big believer in using the correct terms and age appropriate explanations, when they are younger a simple "Babies come from a Mommy's uterus." is enough to answer their question. She always believed in giving the least amount of information we would accept. Detail is important as we have seen from some other topics, you don't want your child to believe that they can't get STD's, for instance, because the girl has had the guardasil shot.
Daddy might be a bit squeamish but your instincts seem to be right on the matter.
02/06/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
Apparently, when I was under the age of 5 and still believed in Santa, my parents would tell us that they were going to talk to Santa Claus upstairs, so we had to stay in the living room and play and be good. They did it the whole year round. =P
Heh when we reached our early pre-teen and teenage years my Dad would bluntly tell us to go outside and play since he was going upstairs with Mom to make love. We just shrugged and told them to have fun...I remember I really had no idea what "making love" entailed but it sounded nice!
02/06/2010
lillmiss5054 lillmiss5054
My BF and I live in different houses. It's all good at my house with 4 children at home...if mom's bedroom door is closed the kids know to not knock or bother us unless it's life threatening. But when we are at his house (he has 2 kids) every 10 min one of them is knocking on the door then they stand outside the door and listen. WTF... it drives me nuts! At least my BF has learned to lock the door now after they just barged in a couple of times. It's really hard for me to get off at his house when the kids are home...he's like what's the matter? WTF do you think is the matter? Use your "head"!
06/10/2012
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Unique posters: 11