He wants it and I don't

sexigrl69 sexigrl69
Hey, obviously there are people out there who enjoy anal play/anal sex. I am not one of those people. My husband, on the other hand, does. He wants to give anal and will actually have cravings for it. I'm wondering how I can keep him pleased without being completely uncomfortable myself. Anyone have some suggestions on what we can do?
Thanks for your thoughts!
07/28/2010
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Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I hear people who engage in anal sex say it's not for everyone - but they are engaging in it - a curious dichotomy. I have a lot of sympathy with your husband - my wife doesn't want to either. Since she has used several toys to penetrate me - I'm pretty sure of two things.
1. it is pleasurable if done properly
2. it can be painful if not done correctly

It's all mental - if you decide you're not going like broccoli - you'll hate it. If you decide to be open to anal pleasure, you will achieve it. These forums are full of advice from those who have gone from avoiders to aficionados - mostly be changing their perspective and following the advice of others.

Work up to it with with him slowly - even penetrate him a few times so he has an idea of what the experience is like. Together you can find some level of activity that works.

Enjoy the journey.
07/28/2010
Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
I pretty much have to echo what Gunsmoke said. If anal sex is something you are completely uncomfortable with the idea of, then your husband should respect that, and you shouldn't feel bad for feeling that way.

If, on the other hand, you're even a little open to the idea of exploring some anal play, you could always try on your own, or with your husband using his fingers or a very small dildo. Anal is something you have to open your mind to in order to allow your body to follow suit.

Also, Gunsmoke is right about anal -- it can be quite pleasurable, and also quite uncomfortable and downright painful. One thing I can't recommend enough of is lubricant. Trust me, with all things anal, you can never be too wet!
07/31/2010
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
I pretty much have to echo what Gunsmoke said. If anal sex is something you are completely uncomfortable with the idea of, then your husband should respect that, and you shouldn't feel bad for feeling that way.

If, on the other hand, ... More
If you aren't comfortable with anal it won't be comfortable for you. Think about it, and perhaps try playing around down there by yourself to get a feel for how it feels, but until you're comfortable with the idea and willing to give it a try your husband needs to respect your decision.

Sounds like this is just an echo of Jenn's post.
08/01/2010
NuMe NuMe
When I was younger I was very much against it as well, and my husband constantly tried to get me to change my mind. It wasn't until a couple of years ago when I saw an instructional video about spicing up your sex life, where the man used anal beads on the woman that I even considered play in that area. The woman seemed to have an incredible orgasm when the beads were in and then removed during her orgasm, which piqued my curiosity. So I went online and bought some anal beads and gave them to my husband to use. And you know what, it really was as pleasurable as it looked in the video. After that experience I started becoming more curious about trying more things. We graduated from that to a butt plug, which I had tried alone when using a dildo or vibe, and also during sex with hubby. And finally I decided I did want to try anal sex. It took a while. And our first few attempts weren't very successful. But we finally made it work in a way that was not only comfortable for me but quite pleasurable. And now it is part of our love making once in a while.

So basically I'm saying, never say never. You might change your mind someday. And actually I think it was once my husband gave up bugging me about it that I was able to even consider it.

So go slow, at your own pace, not his, and you might change your mind as well.

It also helps to read all you can about it on the forums here.
08/01/2010
Envy Envy
I say experiment, see what works for you both. Get started with newbie toys, don't just jump into anal sex. If you still don't like it after using, as was mentioned, anal beads, a plug, etc, then he should respect your wishes.

I'm somewhat in the same boat, not a big fan of it and my bf fantasizes about doing it to me, but I told him "Maybe someday." just to keep the idea open as it's not something i can indulge in now since I live at home.

But yes, go at your own pace, and if you find out it's not for you, then hey, it's not for you.
08/01/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I agree, it is pleasurable when done correctly. So, maybe try again properly and start with toys.

You could also get a pocket ass or realistic masturbator.
08/01/2010
twistedheartsx twistedheartsx
Hm, I'm the same way with my boyfriend. He's always wanting anal play and we have tried a few times, but so far it just doesn't seem to be my thing. I think definitely picking up a toy for him would be great and later on down the road you may decide to try it. If not, he should respect that!
08/01/2010
Tuesday Tuesday
I say if you don't want to do it, don't bend to his pressure. He needs to respect that and back off. Does he want large things inserted in his butt? I'm guessing not.

Just because other people think its fun and reasonable doesn't mean it is for you.

This is coming from someone who tore after anal sex. I'm under doctors orders to never do anal again and I'm happy to comply.

Things are more fragile and less stretchy back there compared to the vagina so you have to be super careful if you decide to do it.

You have my complete support in saying no. Its perfectly ok and reasonable to not want to.
08/01/2010
Misfit Momma Misfit Momma
My husband "craves" it too! I think the problem that we have is he is not patient enough to allow me to fully relax and slowly work up in size with a few different toys. He seems to think he should be able to easily go from one finger to anal sex and gets frustrated with me! When I play solo, I do like playing with my toys anally, I wish he would realize if he had more patience he would get it more often. I have been gathering up more toys to help with this, and slowly he is getting better at listening..
08/01/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by sexigrl69
Hey, obviously there are people out there who enjoy anal play/anal sex. I am not one of those people. My husband, on the other hand, does. He wants to give anal and will actually have cravings for it. I'm wondering how I can keep him pleased ... More
It's your body and your choice when it comes to what happens to it. He may pout and whine and "crave" anal sex, but it's still YOUR body. Buy him a masturbator made out of a porn star's asshole if he needs it so badly. Don't rush into something because he wants to do it. I've been down that road before and it isn't worth it at ALL.

Best of luck, hon.
08/01/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
I wasn't really turned on by the thought of anal for a long time. I never had tryed it before but I thought it was weird sounding. But my man was good with me and didn't make me start with anal he figured me down there first and then I figured out that it did feel good. Then we moved to small dildos and then bigger dildos and then had anal sex. I was on top the first time we did which made me feel good because I could control how much was in and stop if I didn't feel good. I say start slow but he shouldn't be forcing anything on you and should respect you in your whatever you decide.
08/01/2010
Sera Sera
If you don't want it, then I wouldn't try to convince yourself that you do. I did that once, and a lot of bad things happened to me...So I would recommend not giving in to something you are uncomfortable with. Being manipulated into this myself, I would recommend also to watch for that, and if it goes to far, get out of there. Take care of yourself, sweetie.
08/05/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I agree, it is pleasurable when done correctly. So, maybe try again properly and start with toys.

You could also get a pocket ass or realistic masturbator.
Agreed! Fleshlight makes some really cute pocket asses, they feel great according to the guys I've heard talk about them.
08/06/2010
eyeneerg1984 eyeneerg1984
Maybe after my wife sees my pleasurably banging away at a pocket anus, she'll be more interested in trying it with me. Good suggestions thus far.
08/14/2010
sumie sumie
It's your body. If you don't want to have anal sex then don't!

I agree with what has been mentioned above and try experimenting with sleeves.
09/13/2010
mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
sounds like youre not enjoying it cause its all about him. he needs to try a little harder, not you. if your body doesnt like it, than to bad for him. your not ganna give him something he doesnt find pleasing...
10/19/2010
Sera Sera
Yeah, it's all up to you, girl. Don't let yourself be manipulated or guilted, even if he's not doing that or trying to do it. Do what you want. I'm sure you'd do the same for him.
10/25/2010
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
OK, when I was preggo with #1 I really enjoyed it. The hormones were just THERE and it was awesome. And with a 9 pounder in there, it was WAY. EASIER. than trying to figure out vaginal sex.

Since my pregnancies, I have developed IBS and it's just not. pleasurable. During our times of experimentation, if I'm not having any symptoms, I will enjoy a rim job. Actually, I enjoy that QUITE a bit, but I just have never been able to enjoy penetration again.

My first assignment is going to be the Colt Beaded Stroker, so I'm hoping that it will satiate his "cravings" for penetration.
10/25/2010
catalunalilith catalunalilith
good luck
07/03/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
give it a chance; you might like it. start off with small plugs and move your way up to a penis.

however if you don't want to (that's ok too!), talk to your husband and tell him why you're not interested. communication is key
07/04/2011
indiglo indiglo
First off, if you do not ever want to do it, that is your right. Everyone has the right to say no to anything and have that no respected.

Also, I will say for me, it was never painful when I started (I'm still pretty much a newb to it) but it did take maybe half a dozen times before it actually felt good. Before that time, it was never uncomfortable, just kind of weird.
07/04/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by sexigrl69
Hey, obviously there are people out there who enjoy anal play/anal sex. I am not one of those people. My husband, on the other hand, does. He wants to give anal and will actually have cravings for it. I'm wondering how I can keep him pleased ... More
Wow. This is tough. You are open enough to write this an obviously want to please him enough to write this too. As a lady who loves having anal sex with my husband, I can say that you probably need to figure out what about this you feel uncomfortable with? Your anal and vaginal openings are next door..millimeters apart. They share muscles and nerves (critical information, since anal sex, done right, feels amazing. NEVER should hurt...never, ever), and it is NOT "dirty or nasty" either. In over 35 years of doing this "act" I have never had any "clean" issues to deal with.

If you are open enough, first try giving HIM some anal attention with a WELL manicured and lubed finger. If you see HE likes it, then perhaps YOU will be open to trying some gentle, one finger, play? Also, let him play with you, fingers, penis, from the outside..making sure he understands "no penetration", until YOU build up trust and perhaps a desire to try it. He may be satisfied with "being in the area" enough to fantasize about it. Worth a try.

Overall, you must figure out why you are so uncomfortable with this man who loves you and wants to love every inch of you. That is how I look at it. Every bit of me is HIS and HE treasures every bit of me. Great way to keep us BOTH happy!!!!
07/04/2011
DexterStratton DexterStratton
Anal is anal. I have always ;wanted it but only experienced it twice. It's absence meant nothing in terms of having a fulfilling relationship. I get that it's just not for everybody. If you're not comfortable with it, you're not comfortable with it. End of story.
07/04/2011
Total posts: 24
Unique posters: 23