I can't make it happen:(

CaliGirl CaliGirl
I have never had a problem making a guy cum from a blow job. That is until my current boyfriend. I can't get him to no matter what I try. It's starting to mess with my head a little. I've tried and tried, he doesn't complain or say anything about it other than it will happen in time. I just don't like not being able to do this for him. I wish I could make him cum from oral and not just sex!

Help me please. If you have ever had this happen, or can think of someway to overcome this. I don't even know what else to say I'm so lost on this subject.
11/05/2012
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charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by CaliGirl
I have never had a problem making a guy cum from a blow job. That is until my current boyfriend. I can't get him to no matter what I try. It's starting to mess with my head a little. I've tried and tried, he doesn't complain or say ... More
You're going to have to talk to him, ask him to guide you, give you tips and feedback, both during and after. Get him to talk about it, don't take his short answers. Let him know how it's making you feel, not to pressure him into feeling like he has to have an orgasm, because I know with girls this can only make it worse and I imagine guys could be the same. If he feels like he's letting you down or something by not having an orgasm it could cause anxiety which will only make it harder for him to come. But you need to let him know that "it will happen in time" isn't enough for you to go on. Let him know that it's wrecking your confidence and ask him to help you learn how to do what works best for him. Every person is different. I only sleep with girls but I know that what works with one girl probably won't work for the next and I can only imagine that guys could be somewhat similar. The only way to remedy this is really to talk to him. People can give you tips and tricks of what works for the men they are with or have been with but it won't necessarily work on your current boyfriend, just like your tricks that have worked on your past partners aren't working now. There's no one right way, only the right way for him and he's the only one who can tell you that. Talk to him about past partners he's had and if he was able to orgasm from oral sex with them. It may be that he has a hard time with this in particular whether because of an insecurity or past trauma or some other reason. For example, maybe he had a past partner react badly, as some do, to having him come in their mouth which may be causing some inhibition for him. Or maybe he had someone criticize him in some way that is making him self conscious about it. Maybe a parent or other caregiver as a child made him feel inhibited about his genitals. Sometimes being told as a child that your genitals are dirty or something bad, being discouraged from touching yourself, etc, can make sex difficult as an adult. If he thinks his penis or his semen is bad in some way from some kind of conditioning he had as a child he may have a hard time with the idea of it being in your mouth. Maybe he needs some reassurance. Or maybe he does just need time to get more comfortable with you and know that you aren't going to react badly or criticize him. It seems like maybe giving him a blow job is something you enjoy doing so, if this is the case, helping him understand that you like it and want to do it may help him relax too. If he thinks you're doing it because you feel you have to or are supposed to or only because he wants it, it may make him feel guilty or self conscious or feel bad for you and he needs to know that this isn't the case. Opening up the communication lines is the only way you're going to be able to know what's up and find a solution. You could also try talking to him about his masturbation habits, try watching him masturbate, or try using your hands on him, all of which could give you ideas as to what types of pressure and strokes he likes which could help you learn to apply the same ideas with your mouth. Take your time, be patient, don't pressure him, and don't rush. But really, the best advice is to talk about it. It's the best solution for any problem you're having, especially sexually. Good luck.
11/05/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
You're going to have to talk to him, ask him to guide you, give you tips and feedback, both during and after. Get him to talk about it, don't take his short answers. Let him know how it's making you feel, not to pressure him into feeling ... More
Seconding all of this. Talk to him, learn what *he* likes, not what previous guys have liked.

Some guys have trouble cumming from oral, just like some girls do. It may not even be anything you're doing wrong. He may just not be able to finish that way. As mentioned, could be due to past trauma or could just be personal tastes.

Also, if you're open to giving him some control over depth and speed, you could try lying on your back with him on his knees. It's sorta more like "mouth fucking" than "blow job," but it's a good way to learn what he likes. If he goes really fast or deep, then you know that's what to do. Plus it's just fun to do that. Make sure he watches your reactions though to see if he's pushing too far for your gag reflex or comfort.
11/05/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Agreed, a position that allows him to "fuck your mouth" like Kira says, might be a good way to learn too. You can always do a kind of trial run where you let him slowly push in to your mouth until you signal him that it's as deep as you can comfortably tolerate so that he has a measure or whatever of what the limit is.

I think because of social gender myths and misperceptions and stereotypes, it's easy to forget that guys can be sexually repressed and insecure, their bodies can be fickle and stubborn and they can have hang-ups and traumas. They can have all the same things that women do about their bodies and sexuality that inhibit them and make it difficult for them to orgasm.

I've been asked, both as a woman and a lesbian, COUNTLESS times for tricks and ideas for how to make a girl orgasm or how to go down on a girl. The answer is, there aren't any. I can't tell you how to go down on a girl. i can tell you what makes /my/ Girl come or what has worked with my exes, but 9 times out of 10, that's not going to help someone else at all. My answer is always, don't ask /me/ how to make YOUR girlfriend come, ask HER!

Several of my exes have had some kind of hang up or issue, especially with oral sex, that i've had to work with them to get them over it. With each one, much more of the work was done through communicating, written or verbal, in person or not, than in bed. (Which bears mentioning: talking to him doesn't have to be done in person. Do it over email or via text or voice chat or IM or write letters or whatever makes you guys both the most at ease.)

Usually, if i can get a girl talking, even one that has tons of hangups or issues or has never been able to orgasm from a certain type of sex, or even never been able to orgasm at all, it won't take me more than one try to get her to come, but ONLY if we've been able to talk about at considerable length. If i end up having sex with a girl i haven't had that kind of communication with, usually at some point i'll have to stop and ask her what she likes, what i can do better or different, or just for her to guide me to help her come.

i have to use totally different techniques with my current Partner than with any of Her predecessors and there's been a learning curve over the 8 months we've been together so far, and i'm still learning! i like to think i'm pretty good at what i do and i have a fair amount of experience in this realm, but even so, it pretty much always takes some communication or instruction for me to make a girl come the first time. And likewise, i've never been with a girl who can make me come without any input from me, and most of my past partners haven't been unskilled or incompetent in any way. It's just that everyone is a little different.

It's hard to get past that hollywood or literary ideal that you can fall into bed with someone and have perfect sex right out of the gate but the reality is that it doesn't usually happen like that. We can learn to practically read our partners minds and be seamless and perfectly in sync with each other and have amazing, mind-blowing, flawless sex, but it takes time and TONS of communication. Once i got past that fantasy, i learned that the best sex is the result of boatloads of communication and a little practice and time.
11/05/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
Agreed, a position that allows him to "fuck your mouth" like Kira says, might be a good way to learn too. You can always do a kind of trial run where you let him slowly push in to your mouth until you signal him that it's as deep as you ... More
the best sex is the result of boatloads of communication and a little practice and time.

YES. So much THIS.
11/05/2012
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 3