Originally posted by
As a woman, I'd never stick around a guy who refused to give oral, and I wouldn't expect a man to stick around a woman who refused to give it--I knew a couple who were married for ten years and got divorced, and this was actually a major
As a woman, I'd never stick around a guy who refused to give oral, and I wouldn't expect a man to stick around a woman who refused to give it--I knew a couple who were married for ten years and got divorced, and this was actually a major issue for them. When they first got together, she said she'd never do oral (but was fine with receiving it), and he was fine with that because he was madly in love with her. Fast forward ten years, after the honeymoon period, several kids, and a much less exciting sex life, and he started to resent not getting any head from her. It was also indicative of other sexual hang-ups she had--she didn't like dirty talk, she didn't like pornography and didn't want him to look at it even on his own, no anal, no cumming anywhere but where "it's supposed to go," no toys--she only wanted "loving" slow, vanilla sex...and he got bored, resentful, and frustrated. He ended up cheating on her, and they got a divorce.
Really, these particular two were obviously sexually incompatible. But there's still something about oral sex that's intimate and, to me, symbolizes some sort of complete acceptance of your partner and his/her sexuality. You're selflessly giving them pleasure and celebrating their sexuality when you go down there. I wouldn't want to be with someone who refused to go down on me, as though my most intimate body parts are inherently dirty and gross, you know? I like giving, I like receiving...and a happy partner in the bedroom keeps them in your bedroom and not wandering into someone else's, looking to have their needs met elsewhere.
I'm one of those guys you very well describe. My wife (while she has done it) refuses to. If I could do things all over again, I would never have stayed with her more than the first 6 months instead of 17 years.
And just like you said about a person's refusal being an insult that they find your body gross, My wife actually comes out and says that right to my face. "No, because that's disgusting." Unfortunatly my wife doesn't like oral of any kind, giving or receiving. She also doesn't like sex that isn't man-on-top. She outright refuses everything most of you all take for granted. Things like grabbing and stroking your man's cock in between penetrations, or kissing at any opportune moment during sex. But for the longest time I was under the belief that this was what "normal" women were like and that my desires were just unrealistic and that my frustrations and the bad ways her refusals and comments make me feel were MY issue and that is was all me. But after years of being on sites like this, more and more, I've learned that it's my wife who's the odd one and that my bad fealings are actually well founded.
Being in a sexless marriage I not only suffer the sexual neglect from my wife, I am further downed by the masses. Everyone's first thought when I express my whoes is that it's all my fault by proxy because I'm the man. If my wife doesn't want to have sex with me it's because I don't satisfy her enough, or it's because I must treat her badly.
You are right, if you don't take care of your partners needs and desires, how can you expect them to do it in return and/or not seek it from someone else. Pleasing your partner should be job #1 and the very thing that pleases you most, and if both of you have that belief then both of you will find your relationship fulfilling. I love going down on women and I'm cool to do it all night without a return, but my wife won't let me. But if I was with a woman who loved me doing that for her all night, and she longed to also go down on me all night, we both would be in heaven.
I would like to write more on this matter but the post office will close soon if I don't get off this computer.