Advice your parents/parental figures gave you about sex

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Advice your parents/parental figures gave you about sex

Eden C. Eden C.
Did your parents or other authority figures give you any interesting advice about sex? Share here, it doesn't matter if it's funny, serious, true, or false!

My favorites:

Mom: "If you sleep around, your heart will never get broken!" (To be fair, I didn't test this one out as I do not personally enjoy casual sex.)

Mom: "You should always check your underwear for little eggs. If you find some, it means you have crabs!" (I thought this was a tip everyone's mother told them, like, "Always carry a pad in your purse!" or "Don't let your drink out of your sight at a party!" until college. My mother had me believe that crabs were a common ailment that everyone gets, like the common cold or headaches.)
03/06/2011
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potstickers potstickers
Haha... I don't think my parents gave me any advice about sex.
03/06/2011
WHITEMIKE WHITEMIKE
My parents had no advice or education, that was the job of the school. There were some good advice "rules" I had in high school.
1. If a girl smokes, she puts out.
2. If you are not getting laid, your standards are too high- lower them.
3. She will more likely put out (no to head)if she goes to church.
4. Goth or punk girls put out, or give head (three drinks required)
5. AlWAYS wear a condom.
6. if you can put your mouth on 3rd base you can get a home run.

My parents were useless, but my classmates were filled with one liners. they seemed harsh, but were fairly accurate.
03/07/2011
Eden C. Eden C.
Quote:
Originally posted by WHITEMIKE
My parents had no advice or education, that was the job of the school. There were some good advice "rules" I had in high school.
1. If a girl smokes, she puts out.
2. If you are not getting laid, your standards are too high- lower ...
Haha, #2 is often very true!
03/07/2011
Haiku Haiku
When I reached that age, my parents left a copy of a "What's Happening to Your Body" book on my bed, and then Dad came in to see me. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to me, never looking directly at me.

"Did you get the book?"

*yes, Dad*

"Ok. Good." There was a long awkward pause after which he finally said, gruffly, "So, you may have certain urges, now, sometimes. If you do, just remember; at least you know where your hand has been."

There was another pause while I tried to figure out what he was trying to tell me.

Then he took a deep breath and stood up, "If you have any questions the book won't answer, ask your mother."

Strangest. Conversation. Ever.

I've never forgotten it, he accomplished that much.
03/07/2011
Eden C. Eden C.
Quote:
Originally posted by Haiku
When I reached that age, my parents left a copy of a "What's Happening to Your Body" book on my bed, and then Dad came in to see me. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to me, never looking directly at me.

"Did you get ...
Strangest conversation ever:

Dad's Friend: Hey, [my Dad]! Remember how loud [woman my father was married to before he met my mother] would scream while you made love?

Then he turned to me and said, "Seriously, I wasn't even your dad's roommate and I heard it. I actually lived down the hall!"
03/07/2011
THUMPER THUMPER
Quote:
Originally posted by Eden C.
Did your parents or other authority figures give you any interesting advice about sex? Share here, it doesn't matter if it's funny, serious, true, or false!

My favorites:

Mom: "If you sleep around, your heart will never ...
My parents and I never really had "the talk". It was just sort of like a warning to me and my brother. They told him not to get anyone pregnant and they told me not to have sex until I was married. I didn't even know what a penis really looked like until I went to college.
03/08/2011
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
"A grocery bag is no excuse for a condom" (I never thought it was Mom)

"You can use your mouths but hands are safer" (Not if you lick your fingers Mom)

"If you can't talk to your partner about sex, you aren't ready to have it" (This one I agree with)
03/08/2011
Stephanie Marie Stephanie Marie
Hmm my parents never talked to me and my brothers about sex really at all. They just assumed we knew, which we did basically. I mean the kids at the different schools I attended slept around with everyone pretty much. So you learned from other people your age. But I don't think I have ever gotten any weird advice like yall have. lol
03/08/2011
Mattie Omega Mattie Omega
Not in the advice column, but when my mom got married her mother told her that she "had an organism every time she made love to her husband."

Yes. An organism. My grandmother apparently produced a living thing each time she had sex.
03/08/2011
phunkyphreak phunkyphreak
I never got the talk--I had older friends who filled me in.
03/09/2011
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 9