Ok I didn't really know what topic to put this under so I just stuck it here. The reason I bring this question up is because my husbands youngest brother is 8 and I watch him and his friend that's 8 too all the time. I'm like their big sister. So one day they accidentally tell me they have been looking at porn. At first I was a little surprised because they are so young. I wasn't mad but I decided the best thing to do would be explain what sex is in detail. I'm training to be in the medical field so I got out my text books and showed them diagrams and explained the entire process partly because they kept asking me questions. They were very confused by porn and had some weird ideas that I had to clarify but in the end they were really interested and now my husbands little brother says his favorite cell in the human body is a sperm cell and he wants to be a urologist and study them when he grows up. My question I guess is if a kid is curious about sex is it better to explain to them what it is or not tell them at all? And when do you decide to explain it to them?
At what age do you think you should explain sex to your kids?
At what age do you think you should explain sex to your kids?
Well, I think you should start explaining it to them as early as possible, starting with simple concepts and increasing the discussions as they mature and want/need more information. I think its important to keep the doors open so kids always feel comfortable talking things over and getting accurate information about facts and morals from their parents than feeling like they need to seek it out elsewhere. The way things are today, its impossible to keep them from being exposed, so you have to be 2 steps ahead. JMO
08/01/2010
Quote:
Totally agree. My mother had ongoing discussions about anatomy and stuff since I was a toddler; basically her policy was to answer any question I asked. She also left medical books out in the shelves so that if I wasn't comfortable I could just look it up myself. I think that's also a good thing to do, make information from other (reliable) sources available so that kids have options in case they feel awkward talking to you.
Originally posted by
Pleasure Piratess
Well, I think you should start explaining it to them as early as possible, starting with simple concepts and increasing the discussions as they mature and want/need more information. I think its important to keep the doors open so kids always feel
...
Well, I think you should start explaining it to them as early as possible, starting with simple concepts and increasing the discussions as they mature and want/need more information. I think its important to keep the doors open so kids always feel comfortable talking things over and getting accurate information about facts and morals from their parents than feeling like they need to seek it out elsewhere. The way things are today, its impossible to keep them from being exposed, so you have to be 2 steps ahead. JMO
08/01/2010
Quote:
We've been answering questions as the kids have them, but we also make sure we are answering what they are asking.
Originally posted by
Owl Identified
Totally agree. My mother had ongoing discussions about anatomy and stuff since I was a toddler; basically her policy was to answer any question I asked. She also left medical books out in the shelves so that if I wasn't comfortable I could just look
...
Totally agree. My mother had ongoing discussions about anatomy and stuff since I was a toddler; basically her policy was to answer any question I asked. She also left medical books out in the shelves so that if I wasn't comfortable I could just look it up myself. I think that's also a good thing to do, make information from other (reliable) sources available so that kids have options in case they feel awkward talking to you.
08/01/2010
I do not feel that there's a set "age." It seems to me that your brother-in-law should start getting explained these things, since he is expressing how he has watched porn to you. But outside of that situation, there isn't a set age. The individual will generally come to the parent about it, and I feel that once they start expressing the interest, that's when it's time to explain, and answer their questions.
08/01/2010
Quote:
The best approach is to answer their questions as thoroughly as their age demands when they ask. Answer on the question asked until you judge the questions to be more sophisticated than a simple answer needs. Also discuss with the parents of the child what you discuss with them. At 8 you are skirting major parental anger even over the mildest answers or explanations.
Originally posted by
PonyPlay
Ok I didn't really know what topic to put this under so I just stuck it here. The reason I bring this question up is because my husbands youngest brother is 8 and I watch him and his friend that's 8 too all the time. I'm like their big sister. So one
...
Ok I didn't really know what topic to put this under so I just stuck it here. The reason I bring this question up is because my husbands youngest brother is 8 and I watch him and his friend that's 8 too all the time. I'm like their big sister. So one day they accidentally tell me they have been looking at porn. At first I was a little surprised because they are so young. I wasn't mad but I decided the best thing to do would be explain what sex is in detail. I'm training to be in the medical field so I got out my text books and showed them diagrams and explained the entire process partly because they kept asking me questions. They were very confused by porn and had some weird ideas that I had to clarify but in the end they were really interested and now my husbands little brother says his favorite cell in the human body is a sperm cell and he wants to be a urologist and study them when he grows up. My question I guess is if a kid is curious about sex is it better to explain to them what it is or not tell them at all? And when do you decide to explain it to them?
08/01/2010
Oh I told his mom everything me and my mother in law are surprisingly close. She was happy cause she trusts that I have good judgement. I don't think I would ever explain to some kid who I didn't know or didn't know the parents. Why is it that in our society that people don't want to explain things to there children?
08/02/2010
I think at 8 years old I wouldn't give my child details. I don't feel that they needs to know details yet at that age. I would answer questions but I would not offer further information without them asking. I'd give it a few more years until they were maybe 11 for that.
I would completely give them information about their own body though. I just think that sex itself can wait to be explained in detail until they're older.
In the end though I guess it depends on the kid. My oldest child is 9 and she has not been told about sex, she knows that absolute basics (that adults do it and that it's something special that they do when they love each other) but that's it. Sex isn't yet on her radar and so I don't feel the need to explain it to her yet.
In the situation with your brother in law, they had already been exposed to it by watching the porn. So, at that point they're going to already have seen it and they need explanations and they need to be properly educated rather than just going on the misconceptions that they might have, so if that was the situation I was in I would probably get out my "A Child is Born" book and start explaining!
I would completely give them information about their own body though. I just think that sex itself can wait to be explained in detail until they're older.
In the end though I guess it depends on the kid. My oldest child is 9 and she has not been told about sex, she knows that absolute basics (that adults do it and that it's something special that they do when they love each other) but that's it. Sex isn't yet on her radar and so I don't feel the need to explain it to her yet.
In the situation with your brother in law, they had already been exposed to it by watching the porn. So, at that point they're going to already have seen it and they need explanations and they need to be properly educated rather than just going on the misconceptions that they might have, so if that was the situation I was in I would probably get out my "A Child is Born" book and start explaining!
08/02/2010
Quote:
It's funny but I am kinda surprised that an 8 year old would be into porn. Does anyone else think this is a little odd?
Originally posted by
Alicia
I think at 8 years old I wouldn't give my child details. I don't feel that they needs to know details yet at that age. I would answer questions but I would not offer further information without them asking. I'd give it a few more years until they
...
I think at 8 years old I wouldn't give my child details. I don't feel that they needs to know details yet at that age. I would answer questions but I would not offer further information without them asking. I'd give it a few more years until they were maybe 11 for that.
I would completely give them information about their own body though. I just think that sex itself can wait to be explained in detail until they're older.
In the end though I guess it depends on the kid. My oldest child is 9 and she has not been told about sex, she knows that absolute basics (that adults do it and that it's something special that they do when they love each other) but that's it. Sex isn't yet on her radar and so I don't feel the need to explain it to her yet.
In the situation with your brother in law, they had already been exposed to it by watching the porn. So, at that point they're going to already have seen it and they need explanations and they need to be properly educated rather than just going on the misconceptions that they might have, so if that was the situation I was in I would probably get out my "A Child is Born" book and start explaining!
I would completely give them information about their own body though. I just think that sex itself can wait to be explained in detail until they're older.
In the end though I guess it depends on the kid. My oldest child is 9 and she has not been told about sex, she knows that absolute basics (that adults do it and that it's something special that they do when they love each other) but that's it. Sex isn't yet on her radar and so I don't feel the need to explain it to her yet.
In the situation with your brother in law, they had already been exposed to it by watching the porn. So, at that point they're going to already have seen it and they need explanations and they need to be properly educated rather than just going on the misconceptions that they might have, so if that was the situation I was in I would probably get out my "A Child is Born" book and start explaining!
08/02/2010
Quote:
I think it's extremely odd and I have to wonder how they even got ahold of it! My daughter would not watch something like that, if there's even kissing on tv she says "should I leave the room?" so I can't imagine her watching porn...and she's 9.
Originally posted by
PonyPlay
It's funny but I am kinda surprised that an 8 year old would be into porn. Does anyone else think this is a little odd?
08/02/2010
Quote:
Well him and his friend that's also 8 looked it up online. They actually searched for it. They told me that a kid in there class told them to search for it and it was cool. After that they started searching for it more. He even said that it was sexy. Can you imagine a 8 year old actually being into porn?
Originally posted by
Alicia
I think it's extremely odd and I have to wonder how they even got ahold of it! My daughter would not watch something like that, if there's even kissing on tv she says "should I leave the room?" so I can't imagine her watching porn...and she's 9.
08/03/2010
I think we should tell our kids the truth when they ask, or when you notice that it's coming up. If the kids have access to the internet without any sort of parental controls, you should have a talk about what they might find there (including discussions of porn AND strangers who pretend to be people they're not). We should use the proper terms for our body parts. But I would be more open with my own kids than someone else's, so that I don't offend other parents. Part of the sex talk should include when it is OK to talk about sex or start having it themselves, so that the 8 year olds don't go to school and make a scene by telling all of their friends something their parents wouldn't approve of. Not that you can stop them, but it's like Santa; most kids will keep a secret from their peers and those younger than them if they are told that they're "one of the grownups" now because they know a secret that they kids don't.
I think an 8 year old boy looking at porn is probably fascinated by the naughtiness of it, seeing something he's never seen anywhere else and being one of the people who "knows" about it, like an adult. He probably heard somewhere that he's supposed to think porn is sexy, and so that's what he's saying.
I think an 8 year old boy looking at porn is probably fascinated by the naughtiness of it, seeing something he's never seen anywhere else and being one of the people who "knows" about it, like an adult. He probably heard somewhere that he's supposed to think porn is sexy, and so that's what he's saying.
08/03/2010
Quote:
Well said. I agree 100%
Originally posted by
Owl Identified
Totally agree. My mother had ongoing discussions about anatomy and stuff since I was a toddler; basically her policy was to answer any question I asked. She also left medical books out in the shelves so that if I wasn't comfortable I could just look
...
Totally agree. My mother had ongoing discussions about anatomy and stuff since I was a toddler; basically her policy was to answer any question I asked. She also left medical books out in the shelves so that if I wasn't comfortable I could just look it up myself. I think that's also a good thing to do, make information from other (reliable) sources available so that kids have options in case they feel awkward talking to you.
08/03/2010
Quote:
Oh yeah I told them that they should have sex until they are older and I told them about STDs. It get even more complicated to because my little brother in laws friend just lost his mom and ever since he's been girl crazy. Like he talks about boobs all the time and his dad is pretty careless as far as he leaves his porn all over the place for him to find. So it's like a complex issue and then my little brother in law has gotten into because his friend is all crazy about it.
Originally posted by
oohlookasquirrel
I think we should tell our kids the truth when they ask, or when you notice that it's coming up. If the kids have access to the internet without any sort of parental controls, you should have a talk about what they might find there (including
...
I think we should tell our kids the truth when they ask, or when you notice that it's coming up. If the kids have access to the internet without any sort of parental controls, you should have a talk about what they might find there (including discussions of porn AND strangers who pretend to be people they're not). We should use the proper terms for our body parts. But I would be more open with my own kids than someone else's, so that I don't offend other parents. Part of the sex talk should include when it is OK to talk about sex or start having it themselves, so that the 8 year olds don't go to school and make a scene by telling all of their friends something their parents wouldn't approve of. Not that you can stop them, but it's like Santa; most kids will keep a secret from their peers and those younger than them if they are told that they're "one of the grownups" now because they know a secret that they kids don't.
I think an 8 year old boy looking at porn is probably fascinated by the naughtiness of it, seeing something he's never seen anywhere else and being one of the people who "knows" about it, like an adult. He probably heard somewhere that he's supposed to think porn is sexy, and so that's what he's saying.
I think an 8 year old boy looking at porn is probably fascinated by the naughtiness of it, seeing something he's never seen anywhere else and being one of the people who "knows" about it, like an adult. He probably heard somewhere that he's supposed to think porn is sexy, and so that's what he's saying.
08/03/2010
Personally I can relate....my sisters friend came to me a few monthes back about birth control. Needless to say her relgious parents dont know there precious daughter is having protected sex with her boy friend of almost 2 years.
I did not encourage he to go have sex. I just helped her get birthcontrol. It really doesnt bother me paying a few bucks a month for her to be on birthcontrol. I also have made sure she knows the risks thoe, and still uses condoms.
Anyway
When I have kids of my own I dont think ime gonna tell them at a certian point. I think/hope it comes out slowly a little at a time. Ive sorta raised my sisters and I just let the little one know a little at a time. Casual jokes here and there and then this an that every now and then. Probably around like 8 or 9 she was realizing about guys. By 10 or 11 knew "were do babies come from" and 12 we casually talked about the pleasures of sexual stimulation. I bought her a viberator when she was 13. But She knows the risks witch is the major thing. I hope the same way for my kids
I did not encourage he to go have sex. I just helped her get birthcontrol. It really doesnt bother me paying a few bucks a month for her to be on birthcontrol. I also have made sure she knows the risks thoe, and still uses condoms.
Anyway
When I have kids of my own I dont think ime gonna tell them at a certian point. I think/hope it comes out slowly a little at a time. Ive sorta raised my sisters and I just let the little one know a little at a time. Casual jokes here and there and then this an that every now and then. Probably around like 8 or 9 she was realizing about guys. By 10 or 11 knew "were do babies come from" and 12 we casually talked about the pleasures of sexual stimulation. I bought her a viberator when she was 13. But She knows the risks witch is the major thing. I hope the same way for my kids
08/05/2010
Quote:
Agree 100%. Much better for them to get valid age-appropriate explanations from you than to get questionable answers from a kid who's a grade ahead of them or something. Our son asked his first sex-related question at age 6 (thanks to adults who didn't watch what they said in front of him) and we just started small and elaborated more as he grew older. It seemed that once who knew it was ok to ask mom and dad those things, he never hesitated to do so over the years.
Originally posted by
Pleasure Piratess
Well, I think you should start explaining it to them as early as possible, starting with simple concepts and increasing the discussions as they mature and want/need more information. I think its important to keep the doors open so kids always feel
...
Well, I think you should start explaining it to them as early as possible, starting with simple concepts and increasing the discussions as they mature and want/need more information. I think its important to keep the doors open so kids always feel comfortable talking things over and getting accurate information about facts and morals from their parents than feeling like they need to seek it out elsewhere. The way things are today, its impossible to keep them from being exposed, so you have to be 2 steps ahead. JMO
08/05/2010
As early as they start asking or seem interested you should tell them. I have a relative who lives in a larger city, and her ELEMENTARY school kids got sent home with a note saying there has been an outbreak of Chlamydia. My first thought was really, elementary school? what is this world coming to?!? But I think in this day and age kids are being exposed to things at a much younger age.
I think lying about it or keeping it from them could be hurtful in the long run, and your kid might end up like Chrissy from Now and Then
I think lying about it or keeping it from them could be hurtful in the long run, and your kid might end up like Chrissy from Now and Then
08/09/2010
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