Boyfriend irritated by me buying vibes....eroscillator on its way!

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Boyfriend irritated by me buying vibes....eroscillator on its way!

ShySubmissive ShySubmissive
Ok so heres the deal,
I LOVE this website, I have always been kinda kinky but my self esteem isnt the greatest so I've been too shy to let that side of me out too much. I moved away from home for a job and went 2 months without my SO. During this time I discovered EF and ordering fun stuff for us to use when he got down here (lube,cuffs,vibe and C-ring). He loves the lubes and even the c-ring and seems into it sometimes, but i think the vibes bother him.

I started with a small one, just a speeding bullet by Evolved, which gave me my very first orgasm. He wont ever really bring vibrators up on his own during sex, but i will say when i use it most the time it does seem like he gets turned on to see me get off, and he touches me while i pleasure myself.

Well, I have moved onto better vibes and got the G-spot bullet, which despite rave reviews takes a LONG time for me to get off with and eventually hurts. I start to feel akward in bed when it takes 10 minutes or so for me to finish or just give up(I worry hes bored).

To make a long story short, I just bought an eroscillator,due to its reviews and my difficulty climaxing. Its on its way. Hes made a comment already about "you keep upgrading!!" (he doesnt even know about the eroscillator yet) regarding vibes and I feel like perhaps hes upset with me or intimidated. The truth is this, i went 23 years without orgasming, and now i've found out, its fucking awesome! I really just want to be able to get off when we have sex just like he does every time...but how can I say that in a more tactful manner?? lol
04/16/2010
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Naughty Student Naughty Student
My man is really bothered by me using sex toys. I wish I could try realistic toys but I don't because I know he would be very upset. We use toys sometimes during intercourse but not very often. I wear lingerie use a liberator throe but the toys get more solo use.

My man is able to respect that I love toys but it isnt always easy bcs I love having more and more and more of new things or better quality things, etc. I am always upgrading too.

So everytime I review something or buy something I am a little scared to tell jim bcs he doesn't have a very positive reaction, he basically rolls his eyes and says "don't you have enough already?"

He doesn't like it much but if he sees that a product makes me look sexy or makes me cum quicker or squirt he will suggest using a toy at times during intercourse. I don't orgasm everytime I have sex and when I do orgasm it is most often than not due to intercourse rather than toys.

So maybe in our relationship my man sees that I need him for my pleasure and he is more accepting of the toys, especially if they arouse him by seeing my turned on, etc.

In your case it seems you would really like to use a toy every time you have sex without feeling guilty about it. Maybe you can reassure him that you really enjoy sex but that you would like to be able to orgasm and let him know that toys really help you a lot since it is very hard for you to orgasm. If you feel guilty about using toys (sometimes I do and I may be projecting here) you could tell him that you feel guilty about using toys and you wish you didnt since they are extemely helpful for you.

You could say that upgrading is only to help you acheive better orgasms quicker and more often. You could ask him if he would enjoy seeing you orgasm three, four times in one session; and mention that upgrading will bring more of that.

The whole idea is to try to get him more comfortable with the toys, try to understand why he is not intersted in you using them or upgrading. Don't assume he feels like he is being replaced bcs he might get defensive if you mention something about he might be feeling this way, as soon as people get defensive it is hard to get through to them since they put a wall. I made that mistake :S.

It's not easy to talk about it but you should try.
04/16/2010
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I've always been adventurous - but didn't get into toys until my 30s. I imagine as a 20-something stud I would have been a little take back by a girl friend or partner introducing toys.

But after about 5-10 years of monogamous sexual activity - the toys seemed like a natural progression. I suppose patience would be my advice.
04/16/2010
Tuesday Tuesday
It sounds like he feels threatened by the vibes. Perhaps if he knew that 70% of women (like me) never climax with a man inside them. Its not a negative statement about him when you use a vibrator.

Orgasms for women aren't guaranteed. Its so easy for men. Survival of the species only depends on the male finishing reliably.

Maybe if you bought a toy that works for men and women at the same time like the wee vibe or a vibrating cock ring he would see how they enhance what you can do with just your own bodies.

A friend of mine told me that her husband found her rabbit and snapped it in half. How sad.
04/16/2010
Gardenvy Gardenvy
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
It sounds like he feels threatened by the vibes. Perhaps if he knew that 70% of women (like me) never climax with a man inside them. Its not a negative statement about him when you use a vibrator.

Orgasms for women aren't guaranteed. Its ...
Tuesday, Wow thats very sad about your friends husband and toy.
04/16/2010
Gardenvy Gardenvy
Quote:
Originally posted by ShySubmissive
Ok so heres the deal,
I LOVE this website, I have always been kinda kinky but my self esteem isnt the greatest so I've been too shy to let that side of me out too much. I moved away from home for a job and went 2 months without my SO. During ...
I started buying my guy toys for his solo use also, and that made everything cool. I usually buy him a male masturbator whenever I see one that's neat looking, and we also have tons of silicone cock rings. The cock rings look good on, but I'm an accessories kind of lady so that's just my opinion.
04/16/2010
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Do you use the toys while you're having sex? If you don't normally orgasm from sex alone, I seriously suggest you try it. I know it sounds silly but once he feels what your body does, inside, around his penis, when you orgasm... he might be converted to a toy lover!

I also agree with the others. Make him aware that it's not that he's not pleasing you but that the toys make orgasm faster and easier for you and you want to share that with him.
04/16/2010
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
It sounds like he feels threatened by the vibes. Perhaps if he knew that 70% of women (like me) never climax with a man inside them. Its not a negative statement about him when you use a vibrator.

Orgasms for women aren't guaranteed. Its ...
What happened to your friend kind of scares me, actually. If that happened to me (totally hypothetical, the boyfriend loves the toys just as much as I do) I'd quickly escalate from being shocked to being furious. I would probably tear up his porn, smash his remote control, and/or throw his game console out the window.

"Why do you need this? Am I not entertaining enough to keep your attention!?"

Because really, if a partner feels threatened by sex toys, then I should be entitled to feel threatened by stupid things like that as well.

* ahem *

That aside, ShySubmissive, you say that "it seems" like he's turned on when he watches you masturbate and that you "feel" that he may be upset or intimidated by your new toys. I think the best thing you can do is to first ask your partner how he feels about your toys instead of speculating about how he * might * feel. Non-verbal communication is great, but sometimes it's better to communicate things like this out loud so that there are no misunderstandings. IF he truly is intimidated by your toys, then you can explain why you like using them, how it doesn't make him less of a man, etc.
04/16/2010
Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
What happened to your friend kind of scares me, actually. If that happened to me (totally hypothetical, the boyfriend loves the toys just as much as I do) I'd quickly escalate from being shocked to being furious. I would probably tear up his ...
They're divorced now. He was an asshole in more ways than that action.
04/16/2010
Liz2 Liz2
My b/f was initially intimidated by toys, he felt so insecure and that I was questioning his ability to please. Eventually he did become more accepting esp. watching me masturbate using toys. One of the break through moments was when he told me I was a high maintenance girl in that I need at lest one orgasm prior to intercourse. His oral skills are great but he said he felt like he was getting "lockjaw" and he couldn't wait much longer. I grabbed a vibe; orgasmed and said that a vibe would help him and there would be less "work". Now toys are incorporated into our lovemaking.
He was also reluctant to use realistic dills but he has come around and enjoys me pegging him using my strap-on and now, realistic dills.
I haven't used the Eroscillator but from the reviews, it certainly will get you off. Enjoy!!
04/17/2010
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
It sounds like he feels threatened by the vibes. Perhaps if he knew that 70% of women (like me) never climax with a man inside them. Its not a negative statement about him when you use a vibrator.

Orgasms for women aren't guaranteed. Its ...
@Tuesday: That situation is not uncommon at all. My EX husband (emphasis on the EX) snapped, disassembled, threw away, or otherwise did away with every sex toy I brought into the house for 4 years - he was OK with them once in a while if he was in on the fun but if he thought about me using them without him, he'd get rid of them. In retrospect, I think it's sad that he was so insecure and didn't understand it really didn't have anything to do with him, and I enjoyed being able to pleasure myself sometimes. Hopefully he'll be more mature in his future relationships.

Shy - try and be as honest as possible and let him know that orgasms as women aren't as easy or guaranteed as they are for men. Hopefully he'll want you to be as satisfied as he is, and hopefully he'll enjoy watching you and maybe 'assisting' when possible Good luck!
04/18/2010
J's Alley J's Alley
I would just ask him to try a toy during sex one day. And let him know most women have a hard tome reaching a climax without clitoral stimulation. I have been trying for MONTHS to reach a g-spot orgasm...it gets close, but that's it. I have been so frustrated I cried. My husband was the one to remind me that most women have a difficult time with internal orgasms and it wasn't me or him, just normal.

My husband is more often than not the one to get the toys out. It began with him buying them for me. Maybe you could ask him if he would like to be the one to pick a toy out for you. He could find one he likes and surprise you He may find that really erotic. Let him know he wouldn't be the only guy that does it.
04/19/2010
Elodie Elodie
Has he actually told you he's bored if it takes you more than 10 minutes to orgasm? That's actually not a long time at all for a woman to climax. Most men (who are attracted to women) are not going to get bored when they're in bed with a woman. Men really love pleasing women. Really, really love it.

In your post, you use phrases like "I worry he's" or "I feel like perhaps he's". It's cheesy, but communication is the biggest aphrodisiac. Talk with him about how you feel, how he feels, how you could better please each other, why you like these toys, how he could use these toys with you, etc. And please don't feel you have to rush. Your sexual pleasure is important, and your pleasure in each other deserves more than 10 minutes.

Snapping sex toys is TERRIFYING behavior. It's controlling and abusive.
04/21/2010
Stripers Stripers
Sounds like he in intimidated and perhaps has an inner feeling that he won't be able to please you like a vibrator, etc. Reassure him that toys are great but that nothing would replace him, might be one solution.

I'm not sure if I'm getting this picture right as well but it sounds like you moved away for two months and didn't see him in that time period, then when you were away got into a whole bunch of different sex toys and on top of that got your first orgasm from one of them. If I were in his shoes I would potentially think that you had anther partner when you were away and maybe that is why he is feeling the way he is? On top of that he can't please you properly and feels like only a vibrator can. I know the first part is a long shot but it seems like it would be very easy for him to be not comfortable with them.
04/21/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Stripers
Sounds like he in intimidated and perhaps has an inner feeling that he won't be able to please you like a vibrator, etc. Reassure him that toys are great but that nothing would replace him, might be one solution.

I'm not sure if ...
The thing to realize is there is no one way to "properly" please a partner. The only real way to properly please a partner is to be open to their suggestions, openly discuss sexual matters and be willing to try new things within the agreed upon boundaries of the relationship.

Women's bodies are wonderfully complex machines that can take many different types of stimulation to achieve peak sexual pleasure. A toy can add to that experience in so many ways.

I have to agree with Elodie, 10 minutes is not a long drawn out wait for orgasm for most women. It can take up to 20 minutes for her to relax, get the blood flowing and allow the orgasm to happen. Hell it takes guys longer than ten minutes normally when masturbating why would it be different for women?

Talk to your partner even if you are shaking in your shoes and blushing hot enough to start a fire...it's the only way you'll know what he is really feeling. Maybe what you see as boredom is his being unsure of how to play with you, with your toy. Maybe he isn't bored but is wondering if you'd prefer to be alone while you masturbate. Try giving him the toy to use on you with the understanding that you will guide him and show him what gives you pleasure. Any guy here will tell you it's a heady, intoxicating thrill to "give" your woman an orgasm, regardless of the method you use!

Still you need to be able to talk to him about ANYTHING since communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. I bet after a few tries he'll be perusing the site with you to choose your next toy!

Good luck to you both.
04/22/2010
Total posts: 15
Unique posters: 13