Do you ever get tired of pretending to be someone else?

ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
I feel like who I am at work and around most of my family isn't who I am at all. Truthfully, only my partner and you all on Eden have seen who I am. I wish I didn't feel so fake all the time.

I'm tired of sitting at work and day dreaming about coming home and being me.
04/15/2013
  • Save 40% on Vibrators
  • Get 3 amazing toys for $60 only
  • Eye of Love Pheromone Kit - Save 25%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
marriedlady123 marriedlady123
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
I feel like who I am at work and around most of my family isn't who I am at all. Truthfully, only my partner and you all on Eden have seen who I am. I wish I didn't feel so fake all the time.

I'm tired of sitting at work and day ... More
I feel like (to a certain extent) we all have different personalities depending on the people/environment that we are in. I don't think that it is fake, it is just bringing out different parts of yourself.
04/15/2013
Ansley Ansley
Jar of masks at the door.

We all have one. It's necessary to be successful in life. Not even our partners can truly know who we are inside and out, I mean to the depth and the very core of our being. There's always something held back, something roaming in the depths of our minds. It's natural.

A little mystery never killed anyone and I think that when we amplify the right characteristics in the right environments, we find that life has a certain way of working out for the greatest good in the end.

When certain people see my husband and I together they think to themselves or even have the brass to say, my what a lucky man and my husband is always quick to retort luck has nothing to do with it. And the reality is, he's right. We may have fallen into each others laps, but what it took to keep us together - my god, it would be a New York Times best-seller. They'll never know that, though. I'm just the trophy wife. Never mind the extensive and impressive resume behind me, or the fact that I'm intelligent and though a high-school dropout, well read and well spoken.

We all have our crosses to bear and we all have realities we must face that are unique yet somehow no different than the next person's.
04/16/2013
libbyv libbyv
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
I feel like who I am at work and around most of my family isn't who I am at all. Truthfully, only my partner and you all on Eden have seen who I am. I wish I didn't feel so fake all the time.

I'm tired of sitting at work and day ... More
be yourself
04/16/2013
XYCopperheadSly XYCopperheadSly
I most certainly did. Luckily, I finally amassed enough of my own opinions and intelligence together to 'come out' as an atheist to my family. (This means that I stopped going to church or making any sort of religious front and I answer questions honestly when I'm asked about it - I didn't make an announcement or anything.)

Most freeing experience ever
04/16/2013
SexyPenis SexyPenis
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Jar of masks at the door.

We all have one. It's necessary to be successful in life. Not even our partners can truly know who we are inside and out, I mean to the depth and the very core of our being. There's always something held back, ... More
I think you're more than a trophy wife!

To the topic of the post, though, this very idea assumes a static personality. I doubt anyone really stays completely the same from year to year or even month to month, physically, emotionally, or mentally. We are always changing. As far as fitting social norms...I struggle constantly just to understand the norms, much less fit them. The anonymity of the internet allows us to show more without serious repercussion. Worst case scenario, we "kill" our avatar and start over. At least, in places that allow anonymity. The risk is that without social repercussions, people can act out in ways that hurt others, and there is a dangerous balance there. There is always the chance to reinvent yourself and explore. Confrontation is not always bad, we do not grow unless faced with challenges.
04/16/2013
Gary Gary
I try to be polite and appropriate in all situations, but I am always myself. That doesn't always work to my advantage but it is, what it is. I have cut many things out of my life because of this. I think life is too short as it.
04/17/2013
FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Jar of masks at the door.

We all have one. It's necessary to be successful in life. Not even our partners can truly know who we are inside and out, I mean to the depth and the very core of our being. There's always something held back, ... More
Beautifully stated, Stormy. Sounds like we have a few things in common.
04/24/2013
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Well said Stormy. It's a lesson I've learned goes both ways, since you can never tell everything about someone else (nor do you probably want to)
04/24/2013
Sera26 Sera26
Yes, I hate it but I have severe social anxiety so I feel like I basically have to fake everything. (though I've never faked orgasms interestingly enough, xd)
04/24/2013
butts butts
I had that problem for a long time, especially as a trans person, having to hide who I was around my parents was my biggest source of stress through my teen years (pretty much up until a year ago). Now I've grown to not care, I support myself and I'm not going to WASTE any more of my time pretending for people, as cheesy as that sounds. I'm pretty open about who I am to most everyone now, life is way less stressful this way.
04/24/2013
LoveBug721 LoveBug721
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
I feel like who I am at work and around most of my family isn't who I am at all. Truthfully, only my partner and you all on Eden have seen who I am. I wish I didn't feel so fake all the time.

I'm tired of sitting at work and day ... More
Yes, all the time.
04/25/2013
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
I feel like who I am at work and around most of my family isn't who I am at all. Truthfully, only my partner and you all on Eden have seen who I am. I wish I didn't feel so fake all the time.

I'm tired of sitting at work and day ... More
Aw. I'm really sorry to hear that. If I were pretending to be something other than exactly what I am, yes, it would most definitely be tiring. Heck, it'd be exhausting, but I don't have to deal with that in my life. I mean there's something that most of my family does not know, but it is not something I allow to define me, so not telling them doesn't feel like I'm pretending to be something else. Just not telling them something that would hurt them. I'm sorry you feel like that & I am even sorrier that you aren't able to be who you really are because I'm sure from what I have seen of you here, that is one very awesome person! Maybe just being yourself and saying screw em' wouldn't be so bad? You would deserve better if if they didn't still love you.
04/25/2013
Hummingbird Hummingbird
Actually the only place I'm not myself is around family, they all expect me to be one way and its just to much of a struggle to be myself around them so I just smile and agree all the time.

At my own home with hubby and at work, those are the places I'm more myself and the person I want to be than anywhere else. Those places is where I'm challenged and appreciated the most.
04/25/2013
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
I try pretty hard to be who I am in all situations; no bullshit, no hiding, no trying to be what someone else wants me to be. That being said, I also feel that it's important to be polite and kind and accepting and to not throw myself in all my crazy glory at everyone I come across.

I mean, I wouldn't show up in my leather bike gear at a black tie charity event. The biker is a side of me, but it doesn't need to come out everywhere.

I also keep my sex stuff at home. No one out in the world really needs to know what I do in the bedroom or local kink event. I have zero reason to talk to the lady at Walmart about my new anal plug or flogger and how much I squirted last night, like I might with y'all. And I'd be horrified if she started talking that stuff to me, too!
04/25/2013
Jaimes Jaimes
Welcome to the South, folks! Sorry for the long post that is about to ensue, but as an actor, and as a southerner, this is a HUGELY fascinating subject that I tend to discuss often, especially with friends who don't come from this very complicated social construct.

The need for multiple personalities is an intrinsic part of the Southern WASP culture in which I grew up. My mother and her family are highly educated corporate moguls; my father and his family are a large Southern clan of blue collar MacGuyvers (seriously, these people can build a lawnmower out of tin foil and a pencil sharpener). My mother's military men were officers, my father's military men were enlisted. I grew up with an accent and values that would flip on a dime, based on the people I was with.

There are certainly some advantages to this type of upbringing, but most of that deals with strangers. It is my nature to make the people around me comfortable, and I tend to do that through mimicry, or in particularly mixed company, through a dramatic increase in my southern belle "character," which deals heavily in manners and propriety.

However, as a kid, one is constantly trying on different masks, because I don't feel that we really come into realizing our true selves until a nice solid chunk of life's ups and downs has hit you. So that tendency was natural.

As an adult, I feel like I have two and a half versions of myself. For the world at large, there is the charming, educated and polite southern belle who is approachable, easy to laugh, and genuinely interested in the insights and experiences of her companions. Around my dearest friends, my step dad, and my husband's parents, there is the real me: a quirky, fiercely loyal Southern woman who is dedicated to academia, art, and food, as well as an inappropriate sense of humor. And I feel very comfortable with those two versions of me. I feel like there is a through line between them, and while one might be more of a performance, I feel honest because it is in the interest of other people's comfort and happiness, which is of genuine importance to me.

My own family is the conflicting one. They are pretty committed to the high school version of me, which was moody, hyperactive, and overly opinionated. It was through college and my husband that I really came to understand and appreciate my true nature, and because it is so different from this version they all cling to, they believe that I am oppressed. ::eye roll:: It is around my family that I wear the only mask that makes me uncomfortable. And yes, it's very painful, because these are the people that I once felt closest to. But, that's how these types of families work. While it's painful, it is not unexpected. I've been witness to this type of dynamic all my life. If the outsider (ie, my husband) is just a little bit too far outside of their comfort zone, that person, who may truly be a part of who I really am, must be removed from the mask I wear around them. Out of the five families that I belong to, this is true of every single one, because there are a few families where myself or my husband are not the outsiders, so of course, I'm privy to the discussions about whomever the outsider may be. Confusing, I know, but I already said this southern WASP dynamic is complicated.

There is the mask that my family wears in front of my face, and there is a completely different and highly secretive version behind my back. And even knowing this, I still consider my immediate family dynamic to be very strong and loving. However, I know that there will always be an opinion that is discussed outside of my presence. So, this mask, which only features a percentage of my true self, is the only way I have to protect my trust in them. I can measure it, I can keep back the things that I can't handle being betrayed. And the kicker of all of it is, its done out of propriety. As parents and adult offspring, our true opinions are not to be shared with one another. We don't deal in conflict. Just masks and passive aggression, or general avoidance of tricky issues.

But do I feel like it's truly me? No. And do I hate it? YES.

Sorry for the long post. This was interesting to talk about, and I've loved reading yall's own insights into this issue. Keep em coming!
04/25/2013
702zombie 702zombie
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
I feel like who I am at work and around most of my family isn't who I am at all. Truthfully, only my partner and you all on Eden have seen who I am. I wish I didn't feel so fake all the time.

I'm tired of sitting at work and day ... More
Most ppl behave different while working. Comes with most jobs... Right? That's the main reason why I hate working
04/25/2013
purpleflower1972 purpleflower1972
Yeah, it does get tiring. It's nice to find support online at least.
04/25/2013
FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by Jaimes
Welcome to the South, folks! Sorry for the long post that is about to ensue, but as an actor, and as a southerner, this is a HUGELY fascinating subject that I tend to discuss often, especially with friends who don't come from this very ... More
Fascinating stuff! I actually just read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and was quite enthralled by the differences (and parallels) in culture between Savannah, GA and northern CA. A lot of what you wrote sounds like the thype of thing I read about in that book. Not to say that there aren't places/families like that here in the Northwest, though. My best friend grew up in that "put a good face on it" atmosphere, as well.

I think that in general, there is a trend toward greater honesty about our quirks, troubles, and mistakes. And I think it's a very healthy trend!
04/25/2013
Hentialover Hentialover
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
I feel like who I am at work and around most of my family isn't who I am at all. Truthfully, only my partner and you all on Eden have seen who I am. I wish I didn't feel so fake all the time.

I'm tired of sitting at work and day ... More
Goodness. i know this feeling all to well. Around my family, and even some of my friends. I feel like being myself is a deathwish. Even though I've tried to open up more over the years, and make it clear to people that I'm okay with who I am, i still have a hard time dealing with rejection. Sometimes it's just easier to pretend, but I don't like being someone I'm not.
04/29/2013
Castielskitten Castielskitten
Yep. Around my mother. With her I have to hold back a lot of my randomness and pervertedness whereas around my sister, husband and father and my best friends, they know EVERYTHING.
I just feel that if I even try to let my mother see beyond the wall I put up to shield myself from her she would bring me down again.
04/29/2013
TheirPet TheirPet
I try to be myself at all times so I don't have this problem. The level of politeness may change on the situation I'm in but I'm still essentially myself.
04/29/2013
karenm karenm
I used to have this problem, so I know what you mean. I don't know what your situation is, but maybe you should take some time to reflect on what is holding you back. And you can always find solace in your partner and in doing things that are important to you. And you could try to reach out to friends about the real you (even venting can be a big help!).
04/30/2013
js250 js250
I do have a few masks I wear--but they are to protect me and to make MY life easier and also to protect my own vulnerability. I tend to be an extremely sensitive person that has a natural instinct to absorb other peoples emotions and feelings. This is not always a good thing for obvious reasons. I have learned to step back from it with the help of my masks.

I have one for work--professional, friendly and remote. For acquaintances and those not in my inner circle--get my wild child, fun and semi-serious mask. This is the fun one. My inner circle gets the semi-real me with some of my feelings and thoughts monitored. You guys and about 4 other people are the only ones that get me, unadorned with any mask....and you don't even know what I look like, how ironic is that?

I have made the masks me--as in they are just extensions of the real me, put in place for my protection.
05/02/2013
Love Bites Love Bites
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
I feel like who I am at work and around most of my family isn't who I am at all. Truthfully, only my partner and you all on Eden have seen who I am. I wish I didn't feel so fake all the time.

I'm tired of sitting at work and day ... More
I'm only fake when I need to be happy to soothe others.
Other than that, I'm always myself. I see no reason to be otherwise.
05/02/2013
RomanticGoth RomanticGoth
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera26
Yes, I hate it but I have severe social anxiety so I feel like I basically have to fake everything. (though I've never faked orgasms interestingly enough, xd)
Same here!
05/02/2013
snowminx snowminx
I don't ever feel "fake" or a different person. I'm always me, just a different part of my personality more than other times. Yeah there are some things you have to hold back at times but I don't think that makes you a different person.
05/02/2013
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I call it "degrees of exposure" or "the onion effect" - there are tons of layers, and it all depends on who you are that gets what layers or degrees. Every layer is Real and Me. It's not lying or pretending, it's simply nobody having the clearance to be in-the-know yet.

That was something I innately understood throughout my life, and thought everyone else practiced. Then a friend from high school contacted me when I was thirty and she cried, "J, you're the only Real person I know! Everyone else is fake - I need your honesty!" Sort of surprised me that people had to have fake personalities just to move through life.

This is also why I am engaged now - C decided back in high school that he wanted to marry me because I was Real (and he is ENFP, which is compatible with my INFJ). So it's never been a mask or playing pretend for me ... it's simply having layers/degrees of exposure and clearance.
05/02/2013
wicked48 wicked48
I feel that I am always me. I may not express my true feelings sometimes to spare the feelings of others but I don't feel that makes me a different person.
05/02/2013
jr2012 jr2012
sometimes I get really tired of my "confident" mask. I am an insecure mess in the inside, but apparently I hide it real well since I hear "oh, you're so confident!" all the time.

I try to fake it till I make it, but I still don't feel confident on the inside!
05/02/2013
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 34
Unique posters: 31